[Wildcat21]

19 to 25 generally

[Skell]

Being there through tough times for them doesn't necessarily mean they will need you forever. It is sad but true. I was there through years of hurt for my girlfriend and was one of the only things that made her happy. Me and my love. But eventually she was able to deal withthings herself and with other people and found that her life had changed to a point where I was no longer her happiness. Very painful.
You girl is just so young. It does hurt so much but I think you need to let her go and enjoy her time as a 19 year old. There is so much living that she needs to do and it would be unfair to try and tie her down if she doesn't want to.
Good luck mate. I hope it works out. Keep talking to people. It really helps!

[Chery]

She sounds like a perfectly normal 19 year old to me. Could you have fallen deeper in love than she did or do yo expect more from her than she is willing and able to give you? Take the high road and let her grow and be a 19 year old with out the pressure you making her something she isn't ready for. She may be gratefully,but she isn't ready for the kind of relationship you want . Quietly move on:cool:

I wholeheartedly agree with this advice. She has grown and will continue to grow in stages. She is really grateful for you being there in her time of need, and does not want to hurt you, but it's a hard burden to feel obligated to someone. You would not want her if she only feels obligation towards you now. She give her space, let her wander and see what life has to offer.

She might grow to a point where she really wants to be with you again, or might not. This is something she has to find out for herself.

Please, don't make her feel guilty for accepting your help in times of need, and let her do what's natural for a girl at her age. Think back on the good times, and you'll have reason to cherish the relationship you had. You both gained from this, don't make it a painful experience for either one of you.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.


Life is full of surprises and letdowns, it depends on what you make of them.
P.S. Don't forget - you're the 'grownup' in this. How would you feel if you had a mentor and she made you feel guilty for trusting and caring for her?

[whatthe???]

I spoke with her yesterday and told her we needed to take a little break. I will still be there as a best friend for her but I told her she needed to make a decision. It was both or ours first serious relationship and I know we both made mistakes. I hope she can find out she wants me back. Don't know when though. Thanks for the help!

[Krs]

How was her reaction to you telling her to take a little break between you?

[whatthe???]

She was like I guess if that is what you want to do. I said I was tired of the indecision of whether she wanted to continue or not. I told her I was giving her time to make a decision. Her parents and family and friend I am very tight with and they all have told me "she doesn't know what she wants" yet she continues to tell me that she felt she did nothing wrong she was completely honest with me.

[talaniman]

She has done nothing wrong! Except to frustrate you from getting what you want. I really don't know if that's fair or not, but good luck either way!:cool:

[milliec]

This is to save you some pain: she's still a child, sees life in a different manner than you, that's why she doesn't think she did anything wrong. I understand your pain and frustration, but I think that you look at things from an entirely different points of view.
I think that after all, it's better for you, and I wish you the best of luck.
Try to find someone who's near to you - it's not the diff. in the number of years, but in life experience and maturity.
Take care,
Millie
:)

[whatthe???]

How long should I wait to contact her again. I work with her also but I still have an interest in her life. I miss her a lot.

[Krs]

Do NOT contact her, let her contact you.
Do NOT chase her, let her chase you.

[Skell]

One thing. I don't think you should have told her that you will be there for her as a best friend. That ois pretty much saying "ill hang around waiting for you whenever your ready to come back". You have to make her see what her life is without you. You can't be there for her. That makes it easy for her, and very hard for you. Trust me. That's what I thought I could do but you cant. It is just hanging on. Try and move on and under no circumstances should you contact her. That is very hard to do but it is essential.
Don't make mistakes that I made. Being there for them just makes it easy for them.
She has other friends. Don't think you are letting her down. Leave her completely alone until she contacts you. And even then I would maybe not answer the first time she calls as it just makes it appear that you have put your life on hold waiting for her to come back.
You need to get some power.

[whatthe???]

I have done nothing but cry and think about her the last two days. I can't stop thinking about her. We tried to hang out last night just as friends and I had to ask her to leave because it was uncomfortable. I am not going to call her until she calls me. It is so tough. Does it get any easier? I want there back!:mad:

[Krs]

You must really love her?
But ask yourself she is really that worthed, worth your tears?

[whatthe???]

I don't want to be an prick to her either its just not the way I operate. It just really hurts!

[talaniman]

I have done nothing but cry and think about her the last two days. I can't stop thinking about her. We tried to hang out last night just as friends and I had to ask her to leave because it was uncomfortable. I am not going to call her until she calls me. It is so tough. Does it get any easier? I want ther back!:mad:

I think you need to reread these threads again to get answers to your questions. ALSO RECOGNISE your entire post is about what you want with no regard as to the best for you both. This is not love. By your own admission you can't even be her friend because YOU are uncomfortable. This is not love!! You come off to me as a person who under the guise of love would change this person to fit your own idea of a mate and are unable to accept this person for who she is,again this is NOT love but a form of control for your own selfish reasons. She obviously isn't going for it,and you need to respect that fact and move on with your life!! As long as you obsess on her coming back ,you will only push her farther away than you already have. I thought it was a very poor move to tell her she needs to make a decision in the first place, and she made her decision your out so MOVE on with your life and work on your attitude, because only the most insecure needy female will go for what your putting down now .Is that what you want? :cool: :mad:

[Krs]

Why be a prick?
In this world u have to think self-fishly sometimes, put yourself first.

[Krs]

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
Let her be. sometimes things happen for a reason and that reason we dont see it until much later in life
__________________

[whatthe???]

All right I get it as much as I don't like the idea of moving on I am beginning to see that this is the only way through this. I was told by someone you may need to awlk before you can run again. Meaning maybe being friends with her right now is what we both need and it will work its way back to being more. Be myself, be the person I was before we started dating.

[Krs]

Just don't hold on to that thought though - that by being friends with her now it could work its way back to being close.
She is 19, honestly she is a kid compared to you. You're a man.
You have to move on, life is hard on us sometimes, and that's what makes us stronger individuals.
Im sure you've realtionships before - so I'm sure you know how to handle all of this.

[whatthe???]

Actually not really this would be my first relationship. Was tied up with other things to be involved in a relationship so here I am 31 and going through my first break up. Sad I know LOL