[avenger9000]

So okay, this is a pretty big thing but I will try to summarise it down.. This girl I only met a coupla months ago on the net on a helping site (because I had a major thing in my life and I was depressed for 2 weeks) and never met in real person was well feeling really down on herself the other day and somehow hates herself. So not being the kind of guy that likes to see my friends being sad and hating themselves, I decided to see if I could help her. And I told her that she may not realise that, but people around her, including me, love her in a friendly way and would continue to love her no matter what happens and since that conversation, she has felt better. But here's the problem, she starts acting more than friendly towards me and I have noticed some weird things in her behaviour on msn that suggest that she may have a crush on me. Which is not a bad thing mind you.. but it just scares the heck out me... Here are some of the things she has been doing/saying:

1. Whenever one of us has to go somewhere or do something and has to leave msn, I say love you and she says love you more or love you too or something like that. I mean I love her in a friendly way of course but usually when I say this to girls meaning the friendly love, they would usually get the wrong idea about me and stuff but she doesn't and says she loves me MORE.

2. I have just been keeping up with compliments like saying how beauty she is and that she's smart and caring and stuff because she helped me out and I just wanted for her to know that I would love her in the friendly way and appreciate who she is. But she seems to think I'm sweet and keeps saying aww and telling me I'm a sweet guy and stuff where most girls just gets turned off by this and think I'm a stalker or something

3. This is the major thing. The day after she was feeling down, she revealed to me that she never even tells the people around her, which I assume includes her friends, about how she feels and stuff and don't open up to them easily. But somehow, she decides that I'm more trustworthy than her friends and that she felt I can be trusted enough for her to open up to me and tell me how she feels. Like she said she would never have opened up to me otherwise and that she doesn't open up easily to her friends.

Ok so my first question is for all relationship experts and people who have experienced this kind of thing. Is she having a crush on me or does she have something else in mind?

And secondly, this is for christians who can help me out here because I'm a christain and she's an atheist, I know the Bible says that it is not right for christiant to date a non believer like this, and that the non believer drives them away from God or something. So I just wanted to clarify this and also to ask for the best way to sort out this. I am asking this because I am really not a horrible person and do not actually want to tell her this because I fear that I may break her heart if she is in fact having a crush on me, esp. since she just recoverd from low self esteem the other day. So like is there a way we can maybe save this relationship or a way to end it without causing heart breaks and pain?

[N0help4u]

Some people on the internet can get overly obsessed. A few years ago they were even saying lonely women were getting emotionally stressed if the one(s) they were attached to were not on the internet when they usually would be. Some were even claiming they wanted to kill themselves if the one they talked to "broke it off'' with them. Then too she is reading too much into your I love you's and all your attention. She very likely could think that there actually is something developing with you and her. Maybe you should change the lines like I love you to I am concerned for you and neutral statements rather than words she can easily take so seriously.

[Romefalls19]

It may be that she has a crush on you but it also could be that she is just being as friendly as you are back.

[liz28]

So like is there a way we can maybe save this relationship or a way to end it without causing heart breaks and pain?

By this statement alone it seems like you like her more than a friend as well. If not, then you should be careful with your words but in this case what you type. It's normal for some people to get emotional attach to someone over the internet and its happen more than ever. Watch the sentiments you give and keep your feeling intact as well.

[avenger9000]

So like does she actually have a crush on me? Knowing this would really help me... because personally I think she has gone over the friendly stuff and is making me feel like she likes me. So does she..

[N0help4u]

Probably
Why not ask her questions to figure how into you she is?

Like if you are really interested in her you could say something like so what do you think it would be like if we ever decided to meet?

[avenger9000]

I am not sure if it is appropriate for me to ask her if she likes me like that? Would that make it awkward? Because I don't even know if she does yet... and if she doestn wouldn't that make it pretty awkward or bad...

[N0help4u]

I guess it could go either way (good or bad) depending on how she really feels

[JBeaucaire]

CRUSH
First of all, the crush thing is simple. She's a girl. A boy is saying "I love you" over and over again to her. She hears that. She's liking that A LOT.

You have got to remember that girls hear/experience relationships at a MUCH deeper level than most guys EVER do. They are by design relationship-builders, nesters. When you say "I love you", it doesn't matter what you think you mean, what matters is the effect it has on a girl.

This is critical. In life, you can use words to really mess up a girl. It is VERY doable. If that is not your goal, you will have to control your words a little better, OK? Stop using "I love you" as a friendly conversation technique. Overall, it's not kind, and you need to realize it. Find better ways to say "see you later."

So, you have courted her crush interest and it is alive and kicking. Decide yourself what you want to do with that. I think you need to look at my next part first.

DATING AN ATHEIST
I can answer this best by first setting the Believer/Atheist issue aside, and talk about dating in general. Why do you date someone? What is the goal? What exactly is a "soul mate"?

You are capable of finding attraction with millions of women. You most likely have a "type" you're attracted to, and within that group you will take the time to test them out to some degree. But why? What are you looking for? Love?

I want to encourage you to not romanticize feelings of attraction/love. They are instinctive, they occur on their own and are NOT the basis for life choices. They are motivations to "go and see what's there." But what are you "going to see"?

Here's where you have to be realistic. Finding a lifemate is more about the OTHER stuff, the compatibility list. You have to build a LIFE with a girl on something OTHER than love. There has got to be more there than just love. There has got to be some significant, reliable compatibility and commonality between you that you can STAND ON when things get really, REALLY BAD.

Life can get really, REALLY bad in ways you can never know right now. The universe is a hard place to live. If you're going to stand in the fire with someone and face all the crap the world can throw at you, survive all the crap you can throw at each other, there has GOT to be something bigger than yourselves to back you up.

People are weak. You're both going to mess up. A LOT. And when you do, when things are darkest, when the relationship is strained the most... what are you going to stand on to keep your life together intact?

Now, bring back in the Believer/Atheist issue. The reason Christians advise only marrying Christians is because when things are horribly bad, you will each have the same place you retreat to. You'll both be seeking a hand from something other than your own wants.

A believer will hopefully retreat into their faith, take solace in their relationship to God continuing to trust and hear His influence trying to guide them in the right way. Even when they're hurt, they are intrinsically trained to still understand they may need to follow a path other than what they want.

An atheist will retreat into themselves, they believe they have to figure it out alone, figure out what is right all on their own. There is no life-habit of being open to a higher-guidance thinking, so what they want is their governing counsel.

This is a significant difference. And it's only the first of many differences you HAVE to be pragmatic about when deciding whom you're going to bond with.

It's one thing to befriend someone with a different value system and world view. It's one thing to interact with these people and try and influence them for good and they you. It's another thing to bring those people into your single most intimate relationship and elevate them above all others.

In fact, it's nuts.

Atheism/Belief isn't the only issue that deserves clear analysis when choosing a lifemate. I would suggest you need common ground in religion, major philosophy, geography, family dynamic (traditional vs contemporary household), financial goals. You can probably add to that list yourself.

Love is going to come on its own. That's fine. But it has to be tested, it has to be measured and found grounded in many things, real things other than initial love pangs themselves.

A Believer dating an Atheist can work out, of course. You're just choosing in advance to set each other at odds in your most intimate relationship, and that is something you simply don't HAVE to do. You can choose to give yourself every possible chance at success.

[SweetDee]

Hey there. Well I hope these answers I give can be of some use:

1. Stop telling women that you love them EVEN IN just the "friendly way". Love is love..
it's not friendship.. it's MORE!
2. She may feel that it's easier to open up to a super sweet guy ON LINE, which keeps
it MEGA impersonal and safer, since you are not a person in her day to day life. I
would assume she's done that before.
3. It is very possible that she has a crush on you. It is also very possible that she's just a
big flirt. Flirting on line is risk free. It's also a way of building yourself esteem. I would
be very clear to her that you value her friendship and would like to confirm that it is
only that.

I feel that you might be making assumptions about her feeling toward you. And if you are wrong then you might get a reality check, which I think you might feel that as kind of an awkward situation. Relationships ON LINE cannot be awkward... so take a risk.

As far as your faith is concerned it's my belief that God is not of a judging nature. There is nothing in the bible that says you can't follow your heart and your own personal destiny. However, is your concern more about your Christian background and how that relates to your potential love interests or is your concern more in keeping a friendship w/ a woman who's crushing on you? After all, she isn't a love interest, right?? Which one is it?

[avenger9000]

Thanks for all the kind answers. Just curious, what is the probability, in percentage form, do you think that she has a crush on me?
And can I get some input from the experts in this area on the site?

[talaniman]

First you can never put a lot of stock in the INTERNET, because it's a lot of words, that lead to assumptions, and misunderstanding, and as you can see for yourself, much confusion.

Any relationship requires honest communications, and the willingness to express true feelings, but again humans do require face, to face interactions, at some point, to verify those feelings.

So like is there a way we can maybe save this relationship

Person to person interaction can allow you to see if you can

or a way to end it without causing heart breaks and pain?

NO!! Heartache, and pain comes with break ups of any kind, but they can be dealt with in reasonable, responsible ways, by both partners.

Not saying you can't find love or romance on the NET, some do, but it requires a lot of caution and faith that the other party is being honest. You can't build a life or a hope of one, on what you take as true. It has to be true, and that require a lot of work to investigate, and verify, and meet in person.