Check out some similar questions!

SCARBABE · Jul 18, 2008, 04:46 PM

IVE been with this person for 14 years, we are getting married finally but he can't seem to stop doing drugs what should I do?:confused:

Alty · Jul 18, 2008, 04:51 PM

Either accept his drug addiction or move on. He hasn't stopped yet, so he probably won't stop soon, if ever.

He won't change for you, only for himself.

Good luck.

lawanwadee · Jul 18, 2008, 05:08 PM

You've been with him for 14 years and he never changes...
I don't think he will...

Why don't have a fresh start.. with someone else...

ylaira · Jul 18, 2008, 05:13 PM

No!Leave him! Find someone else who's a lot better. Don't wait for another neighborhood infant to reach high school and still on the same situation. Life is good to waste on s lost person.

twinkiedooter · Jul 19, 2008, 08:49 AM

If he has drugs as a mistress - you are always going to be second in his life. Either live with it or move on.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 19, 2008, 08:53 AM

Well first getting married ? My question is why have you stayed so long?

BigS · Jul 19, 2008, 09:45 AM

14 years is a long time. Don't know all the specifics about your relationship but seems like your prayers and desperation for marriage are finally being answered. You knew what he was doing for 14 years and have accepted it and he has no reason to change. Drugs cost money. Will you both have separate accounts... if not don't be surprised if bills aren't being paid 'cause unknowing to you the money was spent on the first priority in his life... drugs.

I am not saying it is OK to use drugs but if he has been taking care of the home,(financially and sexually) and don't try to get you to use them, he doesn't use them in the car... just in case you get pulled over and you have no children and no intentions of having any I guess there is no problem. Go for it. Don't think after marriage or wanting a child will stop him either.. he will promise but just to shut you up. In 14 years he was never given an ultimatum.

How important is marriage to you, are you over 35? It can't have anything to do with christianity because you have been together for a long time, so why does the drugs matter? Is it really the drugs that you are concerned about or or they underlying issues that we do not know about?

Basically he has no reason for him to change now and why should a piece of paper change anything as far as the relationship. In some places 14 years together is considered marriage. Good Luck.

"The decisions you make today you will have to live with tomorrow"

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2008, 01:32 PM

14 years you know him by now most likely. He ISN'T going to change. So figure out if you can handle another 14 -30 yrs of what you have had by now.
As BigS said you need to consider what kind of provider he will be too because many guys that do drugs will keep you broke and down and out.
ONE precaution, I have noticed that many kids born to someone that does drugs (whether mom OR dad) seem to have a higher % of problems like ADHD and bi-polar.