[milliec]

Another thing I'm afraid of letting him go is what if he does get upset and cries or begs (or however he may do it) to come back? I'm afraid that I won't be strong enough to say no; therefore I wasted a lot of time and money and heartache breaking up with him in the first place.

You won't like to waste all the energy needed to take that leap- right?
So you won't !
Like Jayjay says: DON'T forget the bad times and what he did to you and your children.
You have to be strong and not to give in
Remember he's begging but it's a show
Have courage and good luck
Millie

[Depressed in MO]

What the hell is wrong with me? I get so angry with myself! HOw can there be people like him in this world? Then again, how can there be people like me?I know I am smart, I know I am beautiful-the other day on my way home from work-feeling like crud as I usually do, someone in the car that pulled up next to me rolled down his window and told me that I was very pretty. He has no idea how good that made me feel. And he was very good looking too. I've always depended on the current guy I'm with for myself worth. Problem is he has always treated me like I am not good enough for him. I think that is another reason I am still with him. I can't leave him only to have him think that HE CAN DO BETTER. I'm a good person and I need him to know and respect that no matter what.

[Wildcat21]

What do I mean? I do not know of anyone who has such a louse, scumbag, loser, user, feelings manipulator, liar, chaeter for a boyfriend.

It saddens me to death. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

And now he is using you.

See, you're young... and that 'bad boy' image is such an attraction for you. Why? I don't know.

[Wildcat21]

I know you suffer from low self steem. You can work and fix that. See a therpist.

You keep picking the jerk/bad boys. They don't care about you - they just tell you crap you want to hear to sleep with you.

WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS?? WHO CARES?? HE'S A LOSER!! HE IS ABOUT TO GO TO JAIL!

[Depressed in MO]

Hey I don't mind having a good guy. I would LOVE to have a good guy. Just can't seem to land one. Believe me, I would love to have an Engineer or a doctor or just someone who works everyday no matter what they do-with good moral values. But I feel like it's too late and no one like that would want me because of my history or my current situation. I don't think I'm too wrong on that theory.

[Wildcat21]

I totally disagree. It's the guys your choosing to be with. Now I would not want to be with you if I knew that creep might come around. Step one is eliminating him from your life. No contact - no helping him. I don't think you will do that though - he has something over you and he says jump and you say how high. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

You can move forward once this scum is out of your life. Of course no one would want to be with you if this guys around - he IS the problem - always has been. He's why you are where you are at - it's not you.

You're a sweet heart and there a ton of guys who woul be with you. You just keeping picking the JERKS and BAD BOYS because the turn you on. You can't quite come to terms how horrible these guys are. Losers, thugs etc.

[talaniman]

:cool: If you don't know by now you have a lot of people here who love and support you! We know of the good in your heart and the misery in your life. Don't take this wrong but you need to take control of your life to change it. You need actions not words,so I expect you to get help from a professional and get rid of that loser. Only then will life get better. Now get busy our prayers are with you.:cool:

[sweetface]

Hey I don't mind having a good guy. I would LOVE to have a good guy. Just can't seem to land one. Believe me, I would love to have an Engineer or a doctor or just someone who works everyday no matter what they do-with good moral values. But I feel like it's too late and no one like that would want me because of my history or my current situation. I don't think I'm too wrong on that theory.

Hi Depressed!!

Even if you find a guy who is successful or who just has a regular 9 to 5 gig, he could still be a loser!! I was married to a very hard working man, but it is still true, he was a loser in other depts.

[Depressed in MO]

I totally disagree. Its the guys your choosing to be with. Now I would not want to be with you if I knew that creep might come around. Step one is eliminating him from your life. No contact - no helping him. I don't think you will do that though - he has something over you and he says jump and you say how high. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

You can move forward once this scum is out of your life. Of course no one would want to be with you if this guys around - he IS the problem - always has been. He's why you are where you are at - it's not you.

You're a sweet heart and there a ton of guys who woul be with you. You just keeping picking the JERKS and BAD BOYS because the turn you on. You can't quite come to terms how horrible these guys are. Losers, thugs etc.

I'm telling you-no man is going to want me-even if he is not in the picture. They are going to think I have too much "baggage". I know this, because it has happened to me before, I've been told that. Guys want to have their own kids, or think that they will be pushed into raising my kids or something along the lines of that and I just can't take that kind of rejection. People just don't give chances so easily like that, it would be very hard for me to find someone else, no matter how great of a person I am. Hell, I had a guy break up with me one time because he said I was "too nice". Whatever that means. It was a good thing, actually, for him to do, but it still hurt me. I'm not good with the dating scene-obviously. People don't give me a chance to get to know me, they just want to sleep with me and then if I turn them down, they go on to the next pretty girl. Guys don't want to mess with me because I have too much going on in my life-(kids, responsiblilites)

[Jayjay027]

That is completely untrue. It's been said before in this thread - and I'm going to repeat it - you are just going out with the wrong men.
There are men out there who don't mind that. There are also men out there who have children of their own and are single.
Also, if you give yourself a chance, you'll meet a man who loves YOU, and won't mind that you have children. It has happened a million times before to millions of people, and it will continue happening.

Hint: A positive attitude really helps in these kinds of situations. I know it's difficult, but with time, it will get easier.
Good Luck

[milliec]

"Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time.

-Linda Shalaway"
Hi dear,
I found this on a mail I gat today, and I thought it may help you. Remember that "stair" I wrote you about last week? It's basically the same idea. -by the way: how is your chin?-
You should NOT worry about your next relationship now. Just solve your present problems. "the future is not ours to see"- deal with the present right now. Things will fall in place in their right time. For now, you MUST take care of yourself and your kids.
Take one thing at a time, we're too small to comprehend the whole jigsaw puzzle, and so we must deal only with what we can see right now, other wise we're overwhelmed and paralyzed and we can't accomplish anything.
Be brave!
You are, you know? With what you've out up until now!
BUT you used all your assets to someone else's benefit - unfortunately, someone UNWORTHY of it!
Pick yourself up!
I find you a great person - and believe me, only shallow people will overlook this, and concentrate on all the "external" issues.
I gather you've had enough "shallow" men in your life to recognize them now from safe distance.
(is he in jail?)
You can ALWAYS send a pm to me IF you think I can help.
I'll do my best to encourage you and help.
Millie

[Depressed in MO]

"Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time.

-Linda Shalaway"
Hi dear,
i found this on a mail i gat today, and i thought it may help you. remember that "stair" i wrote you about last week? it's basically the same idea. -by the way: how is your chin?-
you should NOT worry about your next relationship now. just solve your present problems. "the future is not ours to see"- deal with the present right now. things will fall in place in their right time. for now, you MUST take care of yourself and your kids.
take one thing at a time, we're too small to comprehend the whole jigsaw puzzle, and so we must deal only with what we can see right now, other wise we're overwhelmed and paralyzed and we can't accomplish anything.
Be brave!
you are, you know? with what you've out up until now!
BUT you used all your assets to someone else's benefit - unfortunately, someone UNWORTHY of it!
Pick yourself up!
I find you a great person - and believe me, only shallow people will overlook this, and concentrate on all the "external" issues.
I gather you've had enough "shallow" men in your life to recognize them now from safe distance.
(is he in jail?)
you can ALWAYS send a pm to me IF you think i can help.
i'll do my best to encourage you and help.
millie

He is not in jail as of yet. He has been somewhat good to me lately as in he has been taking me places during the weekend-however, then he leaves and he is gone all night long and doesn't answer his calls or calls me either. I don't know what to make of it. He says he really does love me, but I just can't trust him. My chin is healing but it is ugly. It makes me feel even worse about myself.

[sweetface]

Depressed!

Sounds like he could be seeing someone else

[Depressed in MO]

Depressed!!

Sounds like he could be seeing someone else

He was seeing someone else-then I found out about it-this was a little over a month ago. I'm sure he still sees her from time to time.

[Kryc]

I'm telling you-no man is going to want me-even if he is not in the picture. They are going to think I have too much "baggage". I know this, because it has happened to me before, i've been told that. Guys want to have their own kids, or think that they will be pushed into raising my kids or something along the lines of that and I just can't take that kind of rejection. People just don't give chances so easily like that, it would be very hard for me to find someone else, no matter how great of a person I am. Hell, I had a guy break up with me one time because he said i was "too nice". Whatever that means. It was a good thing, actually, for him to do, but it still hurt me. I'm not good with the dating scene-obviously. People don't give me a chance to get to know me, they just want to sleep with me and then if I turn them down, they go on to the next pretty girl. Guys don't want to mess with me because I have too much going on in my life-(kids, responsiblilites)

I am a guy who is going through a divorce and have 2 girls. I know how you feel. I have been separated from my wife for 5 months now and things can get very rough. I have seen a counciler for a couple of months now and 2 very important things I have learned is

1. You can't change people you can only change yourself.
2. Negative thinking, brings negative actions. Positive thinking, brings positive actions. (This is very true I have learned from my own experiences)

If you say it won't happen its not going to happen.

One last thing, you don't have too much "baggage". Unless you own a entire travel set. All 64 pieces. Your kids, problems, and values are a part of your life. You obvisouly love your kids and worry about there happiness but if your not happy they will never be happy.

Good Luck
From someone who knows the feeling

[Chery]

What the hell is wrong with me? I get so angry with myself! How can there be people like him in this world? Then again, how can there be people like me?I know I am smart, I know I am beautiful-the other day on my way home from work-feeling like crud as I usually do, someone in the car that pulled up next to me rolled down his window and told me that I was very pretty. He has no idea how good that made me feel. And he was very good looking too. I've always depended on the current guy i'm with for my self worth. Problem is he has always treated me like I am not good enough for him. I think that is another reason I am still with him. I can't leave him only to have him think that HE CAN DO BETTER. I'm a good person and I need him to know and respect that no matter what.

OK, I've read it all up to now. In my opinion, you don't have a very good opinion of yourself!! Something in your past has blocked you and given you the feeling that no matter what you do, it always wrong and that it will never work out, therefore you'll never be happy. This is plain BS. Stop doing this 'self-destructive' brainwashing on yourself - someone in your past has already done that to perfection. Please, if at all possible, see a professional and get yourself to the point of finally liking yourself and also liking the person you've become - despite all the stumbling stones you, and others have placed in your way.

You will probably never find 'mister right' as long as you don't give yourself a chance (you don't need others to put you down, you do that yourself and one hell-of-a job doing it!) You say men only want your body... and would probably not believe it if he said different.
You say men lie to you... you EXPECT them to lie to you, therefore it must be a lie.
You say that they still find you attractive... but you probably talk yourself into thinking ahead, and BAMB... talk yourself into thinking it will never work, all they want is ONE thing...
You need to know where your man is all the time, what he's doing and with whom... because you know that you cannot trust them, as you say to yourself that everyone just lies to you and, no matter what they tell you, you cannot trust their answers. And, you do all the worrying, and all the solving of either petty or real problems... because you think that's what they expect from you.

Whoever tried to mold you into meeting their expectations of what you should be, and whoever downgraded every attempt you've made in your life to continually prove you are worthy, really did a good job at it.

NOW.. it's time for you to gain some self-respect and confidence in YOURSELF before you can give it to others. Please seek professional help as soon as possible and get rid of the 'baggage' that you've been carrying around for so long - and I don't mean the kids or current problems. This goes a lot deeper and it's time for you to clean it up.

As long as you keep up the super-negative attitude of yourself, you'll have a negative attitude towards all future things and encounters in life. Please don't let this happen.

Since you know yourself best, please try to sit back and look at your life from a different perspective - of a total stranger who just met someone like you. - What would you see and what would you advise?

If your choice is to break up and raise your children alone, what strengths can you pass on to them at this time - None... You'll transfer all of your doubts, fears, and insecurities to them, and not even give them a chance. So, again, seek professional help, with or without him, and get that self-respect of your's a chance to grow up without the feeling of constant failure.

Hoping you'll at least think about the possibilities open to you instead of condemning yourself to everlasting doom. You are the only one that can do anything about this - so for you and the children, please do it.

Wishing you all the best,

THANKS WHILDCAT... I THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READ THIS IN IT'S ENTIRETY....

[Chery]

Wasted time here...

[Depressed in MO]

Maybe he walked right into the picture you envisioned. With a negative attitude, things will continue to stay negative.

Have you ever heard of the expression: "He/She drove me to it" ?

Sometimes we do things that influence people to do just what we expect them to do out of pure frustration.

Unfortunately, life is a struggle, all the way - but can reveal rewards down the road... you need to look for them though.

Are you saying I drove him to cheat on me, or to continue cheating on me?

[Wildcat21]

D in Mo,

Let me let you in on a little secret... you MAY be shocked as hell... life changer for you...

Wildcat right now sees a woman with 3 kids. Wonderful, beautful, loving woman. Ok? She is fabulous... strong... funny. You can do this too... plenty of guys out there that would just love to be with you and probably loves kids like I do.

"leaves and he is gone all night long and doesn't answer his calls or calls me either" - you KNOW he is out partying and being with other woman. As you are home with your kids.

Please throw this guy to the curb for good - YESTERDAY!! Hello??

[Wildcat21]

Chery - did you see my last post before yours??