[Distantlove]

So you're feeling down/miserable/trying to overcome an obstacle/ trying to move on from a break-up/wanting to become a better person/wanting to meet new people - whatever it may be, I hope some of these other thoughts help you to accomplish those:

1. Okay, so you're feeling fed up and feel like things are being left down to you by your partner or your friend or parents etc. Sometimes we are good at giving away our time, energy, creativity and love. No wonder we sometimes want to shout, "What about me?" Just shout it. Take action.
When someone next asks you a favour, don't automatically agree to it. Assess your true feelings. If you say yes, but experience fear, anger, intimidation or low self-esteem, it's time to create a new boundary line. Say to you, "I will go this far and no further".
You can be a good friend/partner/mother/daughter and still say 'no'.

2. If you want to attract new people into your life, become the friend you would like to most have. You should expand your own interests which results in growth of your social network. You should listen well, show that you understand. Find out what interests the other person.
Become known as someone who is non-threatening and supportive, and you will attract new relationships.

3. Of course, we always have times when we say "I'm no good, I can't do that.."? When you speak negatively about yourself others will soon start to agree with you. Great opportunities will pass you by. The more you bring yourself down, the lower your confidence falls. Speak positively about yourself. Say things like "I'm getting better at..., I'll give it my best shot, I always learn from my mistakes".
Be positive, feel confident and see how others respond.

4. In a relationship, at home, with friends.. how often do you get what you want? Many of us have people let us down or feel like we get taken for granted. We should check our communication techniques. For example, he/she didn't take you out on your birthday.. did you ask him/her to? You were left with all the clearing up after the party.. did you ask for help? Did you refuse help? You don't feel like cooking the dinner (again!) but you do it (resentfully).. Did you tell anyone how you felt?
Communcation plays a role for happiness.

5. A lot of the time, we carry around so many problems, worries and negative thoughts that we can be weighed down by our own emotional baggage. Have you ever looked forward to an event only to find that on the day your excitement is spoiled by the chatter of your worrying mind? To be honest, if you are feeling tense and worried, just stop for a moment and visualize yourself walking away from them.
Leave your worries in the past and try to move on; they can wreck your life.

6. Do the following for a day: Think positively, smile whenever you remember to, forgive yourself for any worries/problems etc, believe in yourself, believe that you will move on.
Love your life.

7. A big cause for unhappiness is being stuck in ADDICTIVE relationships. Get out of them. You are in an addictive relationship if conversations, situations, emotions and thoughts keep repeating themselves, making you feel unhappy. We cannot change, grow or fulfil our potential if we are stuck in addictive relationships, however we need to think about them and act upon them. For example, if you're thinking, "He treats me badly but I know he needs me and I love him so I must stay," "She's a good friend even though she always brings me down". Break away from negative dependencies. We deserve supportive relationships.

8. Move on. You didn't get the job/ an important relationship has ended/ you weren't invited to the party - whatever it may be - and now you feel rejected, fed up, out of control, unloved and perhaps heartbroken.. Feel the feelings then move on. Don't let these feelings wreck your confidence and enthusiasm. No one has a clear pathway, life is all about meeting obstacles, overcoming them and moving on. Keep focused on your goals. Happiness is about keeping on. Bounce back from adversity and be ready to move on.

9. It has often been said that a woman marries a man, thinking that she can and will change him, whereas the man thinks that the woman will be exactly the same forever. (Or vice versa even). Despite difficulties, committed partnerships can flourish. Praise your partner and criticize less. Change one or two of your routines - habits can make for boredom. Be the first to say 'sorry'. Keep dating (eachother)! Don't humiliate your partner in public. You may be unhappy that your relationship isn't how you'de like it to be, but it's a two-way thing, so realise that you also play a role in whether you make a relationship happy and dynamic, or miserable.

10. However, we often also spend too much time trying to make poor relationships work. Why not use that time instead to nurture your relationships with those who will support you? For example, the people in your life who encourage and reflect your true potential.

11. You are having a row with your partner when suddenly they leave to meet their mates / go to the pub/ go for a drive.. and you are left high and dry, full of unresolved emotions. Some of us automatically direct emotions to our minds which allows us to talk about our feelings, whereas others may channel their emotions into actions rather than language, (and your partner may do this). If so, encourage them to express their feelings. At least you can say you tried, rather than being left to sulk by yourselves and making assumptions. Again, communication is key.

12. Okay, so we sometimes get into relationships where we are completely in love with our bf/gf, however we have NO compatibilty. Perhaps you could assess compatibility with that new partner to give a better chance of a happy relationship. Write a list of names down of the people you most admire, think about why you love them and then next to their names list their positive characteristics (e.g. creative, confident, thoughtful.. ). Compare these lists and pick out the characteristics that your most admired people have in common. For example, you might discover that you are drawn to exciting, creative people. You could remember this and use it to assess your compatibility levels with the people who enter your life.

13. Aha, this is slightly cheesey but does work. It's a bad day and you are feeling unhappy, sad, depressed.. You look low and you can't communicate with others, so the bad feelings increase. Yet a SMILE can often break a negative cycle of feeling down, looking dejected/being unable to communicate with others, others stopping communicating with us.. Why not try fake smiling until you make it (ha it actually works after a while). The smiling habit can actually take you outside of yourself and help put it all back in perspective. Smile Smile Smile.

14.<b>Okay, for those who are highly jealous or have been cheated on.. </b> You find that you compare yourself to that other man/woman, you feel you are 'not as good' as that other person, or not as clever/worthy/happy. Every time you compare yourself with someone else you are behaving like a victim with low self-esteem, (in cases when you have been cheated on, you may well feel like the victim, but that is unintentionally blaming yourself.. no need). There never has been, and never will be another person on this planet who is just like you. This makes you original and special. Love yourself and let go of your insecurities.

15. Okay, it's the early period of a break-up and you feel like cr*p. You won't eat or sleep, and you don't want to be alone in a room. There are many therapies available for us to try nowadays. Yet, one of the most powerful therapies is free, is nearly always available and doesn't hurt: Taking a walk can change our consciousness. We can take our problems on a walk and come home without them. It is a type of meditation. When you feel like there's no space left inside your head, walk yourself clear. Just do it and let go! You may not feel like it at all, but honestly, go and try it, you'll feel free and the fresh air really helps that feeling of a tight knotch in your heart.

16. Broken relationships can destroy self-esteem and you begin to think "I'm not good enough, nothing I ever do is right." Children fall over hundreds of times before they learn to walk. No one expects them to walk immediately, they need to practise. We also need to practise our skills, and we learn from break-ups, from obstacles etc. But while pracitising and learning is fine, a continual quest for perfection can stop your plans and your confidence. Enjoy what you do and realize that nobody is entirely perfect for anyone.

17. Another way to overcome unhappiness is by getting physical. Escape from work, escape from the house, escape from the family. Just get out there and walk / run / cycle, increase your feel-good endorphin levels. Exercise and come back feeling great / more tolerant / happier / more alert and productive. Physical activity and a change of scene can change your mood. Get physically active, take your mind off things, and reap the feel-good rewards.

18. Forgiveness is also a powerful way of increasing happiness and our self-esteem again. Forgiveness does not mean that we think it's OK for anybody to do anything to us. Forgiveness is all about LETTING GO. If you cannot forgive someone, your angry thoughts will connect you to them forever. (This is not helpful is you want to move on from a past lover). If there is someone you find it difficult to forgive, ask yourself what you gain from not forgiving this person. Examine what hurt you and why, express this appropriately then forgive, let go and set yourself FREE. How can you be happy if you are trapped hating someone?

I find that the above can help when I'm feeling miserable or heartbroken or generally unconfident, or have been in the past. Hope it works for some of you guys too :)