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pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 04:09 PM

So me and my ex girlfriend dated for about a year. For my entire senior year of high school, we obv. Went to prom together and shared so many more memories.everyone thought of us as the "it" couple. We were both on the prom court and everything was just amazing.she was the love of my life, and we pretty much spent every day together. College was bearing down on us and we were going to be about 300 miles apart. Our original descion was to stay together and be there for each other during this new experince. Just recently she explained how she felt it would be best to be apart so she doesn't have to worry about having a boyfriend and she doesn't have to worry about how she acts at college. Our relationship was amazing, but we did have many fights. We always solved them within a few hours, but they were exhausting on both of us. Finally, after a year of dating, a 4 hour online comversation leads to us breaking up. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore and lost her love for me. I was shocked and heartbroken. Now I'm sitting here wondering when the right time to call her is. We never talk online, we never text or anything else like that. We still have the same friends and I've acted cool calm and collected when I see her at gatherings. There is no way she thinks of me as desperate, or depressed after the break up. I reli want to be together again and I'm totally ready for a relationship through college. I'm still madly in love with her, and I'm not sure if I'm redi to move on just yet.so my questions are 1.) when can I call her. 2.) how can I win her back

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 04:47 PM

I'm going to be honest and blunt. If she wants to break up, chances are you trying to "win her back" is just going to push her farther away.

Secondly, long distance relationships RARELY work.

Thirdly, if you feel that she thinks there is a chance for your relationship to work, then stay friends with her, and be there for her when she needs it. And things will take the natural steps to where they should be.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2008, 04:47 PM

1.) when can I call her.
When you have gotten over her, and have a happy healthy life without her.
2.) how can I win her back
She is not yours to win or lose, what she does is her choice.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 04:58 PM

I know for a fact she is having a hard time with the breakup, I know that doesn't mean she misses me and wants to get bak together 2m but to me I guess there is still hope in my heart. I reli feel she is just testing the water and seeing how college life will be without me in it. Her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will be together shortly.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 05:03 PM

It sounds like she just wants to enjoy college life and that may mean dating. She just wants to let you down easily. Move on.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 05:16 PM

Do u think dating other people will show both of us how important and amazing we were together? So maybe for our relationship to work, we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 05:18 PM

That could be the case. I don't know what is in her head, so I don't know.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 05:19 PM

Very true, thanks for the adivce=]

talaniman · Jun 26, 2008, 05:29 PM

her friends keep telling me to just wait it out and eveyrthing will be OK. My friends and I think its just a break and that we will b together shortly.

Please don't let her friends fill you with false hopes.

we had to break up to make sure we were right for each other

That will take a long time to find out don't you think? Take her at her word and let her go.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 06:30 PM

So would it be a good idea to start dating another girl, cause I do have someone in mind. I don't want to hurt my ex, cause eventually when we both move on I want to be friends with her, I understand that might take awhile, but I don't want to mess up any chance at friendship I may have later on

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 06:33 PM

If you are in a place to date again, then I don't see why not. And if you don't want your ex to know about it, don't tell her.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 06:35 PM

I won't tell her but I'm sure she will find out. It's a rough situatuion. She was my first love and its hard to let go. It hurts me cause I was so surprised she can just throw away all the memories we had over a year in one night. I guess it just shows she didn't appreciate me as much as I appreciated her

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 06:38 PM

That's not true. Just because she is growing up and trying to enjoy her new life doesn't mean that she didn't appreciate you. That's ridiculous. My first love and I were together for 6 years, after high school I moved out of state and he went to college... It just happens. High school sweethearts rarely turn into marriage or life long partners. It's such a huge growing stage that its hard to grow together sometimes. You just usually grow apart. And your first break up is always such a learning and growing experience.

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 06:41 PM

well yeah this isn't my first breakup but first time getting dumped. My parents worked out actually, but they broke up 5 times so I guess it's a learning experince. All I know is I'm trying to move on with my life, I've been working out more, and doing things with friends. But its killing me not being able to talk to her=/

ChihuahuaMomma · Jun 26, 2008, 06:42 PM

That's why I said, RARELY. It's not unheard of, just rarely happens.

xxrangerxx · Jun 26, 2008, 07:54 PM

It would be a good idea to just go out and enjoy yourself...

Why force yourself to date someone else when that's just a train wreck waiting to happen?

Do yourself a favor and just live your life. Hang out with your friends... and if you're going to college, do the college thing... party, have fun

pol5019 · Jun 26, 2008, 07:57 PM

hey thanks a lot for the advice ranger, I guess u can say it's a train wreck. All I know is she didn't deserve me and I'm going to move on. I still miss her like hell, but that's normal during a break up. I hope we can be friends someday=/

JBeaucaire · Jun 26, 2008, 11:10 PM

Dating others isn't a "get her back" tactic. That's TOTALLY rude to the girls you date, and you miss out on the chance to find an even better relationship.

Date to meet others, to have fun, steal a few kisses, practice being a gentleman, learning things about girls your ex doesn't even know to teach you. This is the time to gain experience.

Someday down the road maybe you two will date again. Right now it's not needed at all. Make EXCELLENT use of this opportunity to get out there and reap the benefits of life.

Let tomorrow take care of itself. First and foremost, never be a LIAR when dating. Don't date one girl to manipulate another. That's a lie... you have more character than that, right?

pol5019 · Jun 27, 2008, 10:49 AM

I think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. I guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

starlite1 · Jun 27, 2008, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by pol5019

i think we ned to date other people so we can see how awesome we really were together. i guess sometimes u need to break up to make sure that person is right for you=/

In some cases that can happen, you realize that you two were really good together. But, please do not start dating other women in the hopes of this happening. It isn't fair to the other woman/women. Plus, lets just say that the new woman develops strong feelings for you, and you are still thinking of your ex. It will totally hurt this new woman. Rebounds are not good, Pol. You should take time out from dating for a little while to gather your thoughts, heal from this relationship, and go out and have fun with your friends and in college. This is you time now. No need to bring another woman into this, unless you are over your ex.