[f104]

Hi all I am still here. Trying hard with the NC thing. Speaking with my ex last week was not a good thing for me looking back. Part of me now wants her to just tell me to PISS OFF! At least then I feel that I would know there is no chance in hell of anything coming back. So I figure if I start calling all the time she will eventually get so mad she will say "go away creep." I think I deserve an explanation of why I got dumped! At least if I made her mad then I could justify it to myself. I mean this really sucks.

To all of you who are back with you ex's good stuff and I wish you all the best. I am meant to see my ex this weekend I guess. I really have mixed feelings about the whole thing.

[plonak]

Hey guys!

So I don't know if you guys remember me, but I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, and the no contact has been non existent.. we still talk and this weekend we went camping together, and while it was an amazing time that I will never forget, I don't think it was the best idea... I realized I'm still upset and angry at him for what happened and it's confusing him that we're spending time together..

Relationship are SO CONFUSING!! I just don't really think we are both ready for no contact now, believe me I know it's the right thing to do, but I just don't think we can do it at this point. I'm not 100% sure if we're going to be broken up forever.. just riding the waves. And trying to figure things out..

Just wanting to express my thoughts. Thanks guys

[zooropa1985]

Express away lol

I have to ask though, is NC the right thing to do right away? Don't get me wrong I know it helps but maybe we tell people to start it a little to early and so the chances of getting back together slim wayyyy down.

Maybe NC should be started after a few weeks or month, that way you won't ruin any chance you may have.

This is just my opinion of course.

[bigbird213]

I think I deserve an explanation of why I got dumped! At least if I made her mad then I could justify it to myself. I mean this really sucks.

Wishful thinking buddy.

A lot of the time an explanation is hard to come by. Not because they hate you or want you to suffer, but they don't know. Something just "wasnt right". I don't believe that a lot of breakups happen because one parter hates something about the other partner, though there are some.

She might not be able to give a good answer for the question "Why?", nor one that you want to hear. It's not really in your best interest to go digging for answers which might not exist.

[f104]

Bigbird what you say makes perfect sense. I need to move on from this. She has left things not totally closed which sucks as I still have hope. I am wondering if I should just e-mail of leave a message on her phone telling her I cannot sit in limbo like this and that since she does not seem to be able to shut the door on this then I will. At least that way I will have closure.

[bigbird213]

express away lol

I have to ask though, is NC the right thing to do right away? Dont get me wrong i know it helps but maybe we tell people to start it a little to early and so the chances of getting back together slim wayyyy down.

Maybe NC should be started after a few weeks or month, that way you wont ruin any chance you may have.

This is just my personal opinion of course.

I tend to think people need to live through it once or twice first to realize that early NC is the right thing to do.

At times, it seems like you can reach a quick reconciliation with your ex by keeping contact. But have you ever stopped to think about the implications of keeping contact? You keep the ex feeling guilty, you keep them thinking about you and what you did wrong. You keep them thinking about the loyalty and comfort that existed between the two of you, none of which makes it any easier.

Sure, the chances of them coming back might be a little higher if you keep interjecting yourself into their life, but what are the chances that it will last? It happened to me...

Last spring my ex and I broke up and were apart for about 4 months. I keep light contact with her, probably once a week, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less... It was a confusing time for me, and it hurt like hell. I was at th epoint of breaking. My grades suffered, I lost a lot of weight and I wasn't myself. I spent too much time worrying about what she was doing and who she was with. Why? BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO HER.

Anyway, we got back together and things were "okay" for about 9 months or so. Then, lo and behold, she dumped me again 2 months ago...

So guess what? It was great, I felt on top of the world when she came back to me. I kept myself in her life and told myself that NC was for fools. It didn't work, it was a ploy to make me unhappy and everyone was just trying to get me down (well not really, but.. ).

Turns out, the problems still existed. They came back and plagues the "new" relationship we had and ended it once again...

Not sure if that really addresses your point, but its how I feel about it.

(I cannot lie, however. At times I want to make contact with my ex even now for exactly the reasons I cited. I want her to miss me, think about me, and feel sad. I want her to text me and say "I made a huge mistake..." Its immature, its unreasonable, but its how my mind works.)

[starlite1]

bigbird what you say makes perfect sense. I need to move on from this. She has left things not totally closed which sucks as I still have hope. I am wondering if I should just e-mail of leave a message on her phone telling her I cannot sit in limbo like this and that since she does not seem to be able to shut the door on this then I will. At least that way I will have closure.

Hi F104,

Are you still going to see her this weekend? If so, I would have a face to face discussion with her, and really lay it out.

[f104]

Hi starlite I don't know. I have not heard from her since Wednesday. I am wondering if she just answered the phone then by accident. I tried calling her twice yesterday and again this afternoon and still no response. I don't know if I can keep doing this it is tearing me up inside. I feel like a plance circling before trying to land at an airport.

[bigbird213]

At least that way I will have closure.

Again, I call it wishful thinking. I never really got closure from her, and it sucks a bit. She sent me an email a month ago and I didn't respond. I still wonder to this day if she didn't get a response and said to herself: "He must be pissed at me, I guess I have to move on and forget about ever talking to him again." That thought hurts me, but it would be better than her keeping me hanging on (intentionally, or not) by talking to me.

She left things open. - So what. The way I see that is maybe you ended on good enough terms for you to meet again in the future and be friends. My ex and I ended very amicably if I do say myself. We weren't arguing, we weren't yelling. She talked, I listened and I understood. No begging, no crying, no pleading. I asked her to see me that day (since she dumped me on the phone) a few times more than necessary probably - but I think that left it very open for us to be friendly in the future.

I get angry with her in my head at times, but then I stop and realize that I am getting angry for reasons which I have created in my head. Not real reasons.

[starlite1]

hey guys i might be back with my ex but im sticking around cos i want to support everyone and lets be honest, theres a chance i could be back here again sometime in the future.

im still here guys so count me in :)

Hi Zooropa,

Thank you :) I wish you all the best. I hope things work out for you!

[starlite1]

Hi starlite I don't know. I have not heard from her since Wednesday. I am wondering if she jsut answered the phone then by accident. I tried calling her twice yesterday and again this afternoon and still no response. I don't know if I can keep doing this it is tearing me up inside. I feel like a plance circling before trying to land at an airport.

I know exactly how you feel. It really sucks when you try and communicate with them (the ex's) after plans are made, and they don't even respond/call/contact you. I still haven't gotten a response from my ex (from the text I sent him Sunday). Fun, isn't it? The fact that we love them so much, and we are in pain, and they don't even give a f*&^!

Sorry guys, I'm venting on behalf of F104 and myself, and all of us for that matter.

[hjpan]

Well.... I called my ex last Thursday cause I got a missed call... still don't know who it is =/

Anyways, my ex is moving to SF =/~ I feel like sh*t cause my friend lives in SF & her campus department is 10-20min drive away... omfg

but yeh...I'm still looking at my career as a street-racer/drifter, military career, and psychologist/family consulting/child issues...

[starlite1]

Hi HJpan,

I know it is hard because she is moving away, but you know what? That isn't necessarily a bad thing for you. When distance is put between people (ex's), it could help the healing process. Even though she is moving close to your friend, it is still not close to you, right?

[f104]

Again, I call it wishful thinking. I never really got closure from her, and it sucks a bit. She sent me an email a month ago and I didn't respond. I still wonder to this day if she didn't get a response and said to herself: "He must be pissed at me, I guess I have to move on and forget about ever talking to him again." That thought hurts me, but it would be better than her keeping me hanging on (intentionally, or not) by talking to me.

She left things open. - So what. The way I see that is maybe you ended on good enough terms for you to meet again in the future and be friends. My ex and I ended very amicably if I do say myself. We weren't arguing, we weren't yelling. She talked, I listened and I understood. No begging, no crying, no pleading. I asked her to see me that day (since she dumped me on the phone) a few times more than necessary probably - but I think that left it very open for us to be friendly in the future.

I get angry with her in my head at times, but then I stop and realize that I am getting angry for reasons which I have created in my head. Not real reasons.

Again what you makes sense. A buddy of mine said

"you want closure? It is over! There I have just given you clousue now you must try to move on and do the next right thing"

I know you all are right. I guess I am still hoping and I want that hope smashed. I don't want to be pining after her for months like I have over past relationships. I don't like loose ends.

[f104]

Yes I am going to try and go back to NC. It will be hard but I know I can do it.

[starlite1]

You can, F104. We will help you in any way we can :)

[gg23]

OK guys! So my ex msged me the other night out of the blue! I haven't talked in a long time. Last time we messaged each other was on the first, then I just bothered!. around 11 pm... just a simple... " hey...whats' up?"... that was Sunday night... Saturday night I went out with friends and I had such a blast and met this chix.. n we had beautiful night... with NC... I really realized that I'm getting her out of my system... n becoming indifferent... I m not even sure if I want us to even be back... oh well so I didn't text her back... I still haven't... I want to let her wonder... oh yeah and yesterday, I met up with a bunch of my beautiful looking girlfriends and played beach volleyball and went to the pool with my bro and other friend it was a blast... I guess my silence is starting to speak louder huh? Anyway her that drove her nutt and to the point she changed so many things on her Facebook.. etc... I don't give a... in fact I'm starting to realize that what I once thought was gold has now tarnished!. n oh yeah... I been working out... looking good... n u should have seen how many heads turned when I went out at the clubs... n that really hit me... to the point I was like why did I bother about this one?? even put up with her BS? She wanted me out of her life right?. well that's exactly what I am going to give her... anyway I'm going to play Vball again then some soccer!! hope you are all doing better... hang in there... I thought I wouldn't make it... but I think now I am stronger than ever... silence speaks volumes!! guys silence speaks volume!!

[f104]

gg23 thanks for the post. It shows that there is life after an ex. I appreciate the positive outlook.

Starlite and everyboyd else glad you are all here too. I need to get over the whole "I will never meet another like her again" syndrome.

[Boristheblade]

I know how you feel f104, and I'm still in that stage too. & I hate to admit it but I obviously still have a lot of false hope :(. I also agree, gg23's post gives hope to us all. One day we'll be able to look at them and not feel that burning desire and need for them... It's just hard to believe right now.

[DazT]

I've thought a lot about my ex in the past couple of days, not sure why. I think it's because we were texting each other last week and she said "chat soon hopefully".. bad news. Found out there now that she's away to France for a week, lucky her. It's her birthday next week, the day I go on holidays. Not going to bother texting her for it, I'm just going to let her contact me whenever she wants, I'll decide then if I'm going to reply.

Even if your ex contacts you, I wouldn't reply. I thought to myself "ohh one reply won't harm me" but I haven't been able to get her out of my head since!