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f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

I wouldn't worry about it, our ex's seem to go through that stage of hooking up with every other person after they turn single. That's just the way it goes.. just concentrate on yourself, not on someone that dumped you.

So very true. I was reading your post about your ex and her changing numbers and then she calls you. Do you find that hard to deal with?

CLASSICROCKER hang in there mate. I am not looking forward to finding out that my ex is hooking up with other guys. I know that day is coming but I am not looking forward to it.

DazT · Jun 14, 2008, 07:00 AM

You don't have to find that out f104, don't check her Myspace/Bebo/Facebook, whatever. Definitely don't ask her and don't talk to mutual friends about her and you won't find out anything.

Yeah I did at the start, just very confusing.. I don't know what she's playing at!

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 07:11 AM

DazT your right. I am trying to avoid all interactions with her whatsoever. How is your day going?

bigbird213 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:03 AM

F104,

DazT is right. Stay away from things like this and you should be able to keep yourself from finding out anything about her, it really helps.

By staying away from those things, you are allowed to not think about her as much, and stay away from those things which might set you back in getting better...

DazT · Jun 14, 2008, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by f104

DazT your right. I am trying to avoid all interactions with her whatsoever. How is your day going?

Good on you pal! Yeah, it's going good. Positive thinking like I do most days, going out with friends later so just wasting time until that time comes. How about you?

How long you been broke up with your woman?

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 08:20 AM

Hey guys,
My ex girlfriend is at the beach today... with the guy that she dated before me. I NEED TO DISTRACT MYSELF. I don't even want to think about what is happening. So, I will be on this lovely site today until one of my friends calls me up.

bigbird213 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:23 AM

Why not call them up? Don't wait for them to call you.

Nows the time to become to go-to man. Be the guy that everyone looks to for plans :)

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by DazT

Good on ya pal! Yeah, it's going good. Positive thinking like I do most days, going out with friends later so just wasting time til that time comes. How about you?

How long you been broke up with your woman?

Been broken up since Sunday night. NC since Monday. I was out with my mates last night and will be today too. Well I have school work to take care of first but after that I am going out.

BigBird I agree with you I am trying to keep away from her Facebook page and all that jazz. So what are you up today?

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

Why not call them up?? Don't wait for them to call you.

Nows the time to become to go-to man. Be the guy that everyone looks to for plans :)

Oh, I already made plans with a friend. Going biking. The thing is, is that my friends sleep in. I mean reeally sleep in. So, I'm just waiting until they wake up and call.

And I have become more a go-to guy, since the break up. At first, I wanted to sit at home, and cry. Then, I came here and you guys talked some sense into me. Ever since then, I got outside every moment I could.

How's everybodies day going?

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:39 AM

jrsg your right getting out is important. Man I got to finish this paper so I can get out of here. How long NC between you and your ex?

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 08:43 AM

No NC... More like little periods of it whenever I can.

I am in high school, and I see her 5 days a week. She is in 3 of my 4 classes. We have to finish a tech project too. She also lives in my neighborhood. So I see her at least 4 hours day. It is incredibly difficult to initate NC here, but I do what I can like getting out on the weekend.
Any recommendations on what I can do here?

bigbird213 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by f104

BigBird I agree with you I am trying to keep away from her facebook page and all that jazz. So what are you up today?

I feel for you man,

I have been broken up for just about or maybe a little over 2 months now. I know how your feeling, it sucks in the beginning but it gets better.

The way it happened with me is that all of a sudden it clicked that I was allowed to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want. It was an awesome feeling of freedom. Doesn't mean I didn't miss her, but the freedom was, and still is, unbelievable. I like to be able to do whatever I want, make my own decisions, without running it by anyone. Hopefully you will feel the same way too..

Another benefit is that it gives you time to think about what you want, and realize who the perfect match for you is. You can stop and think about what was wrong with your previous relationship, and make sure it doesn't happen again. For example, I would love to find someone who isn't jealous/needy enough to stop me from doing anything. To be able to do what you want, whenver you want while you are dating someone sounds like a dream come true to me... That's what I'm shooting for down the road.

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:46 AM

Oh sorry mate. That's right I forgot about that. I almost called her lastnight and this morning. I am glad I did not otherwise I would have felt really bad about myself. Last night and this morning have been hard. I have been thinking about her a lot.

QUESTION for you. How do you manage to keep emotionally distant when you see her every day? I will probably see my ex around campus in the fall and I worry how I am going to be emotionally.

bigbird213 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by jrsg

Any recommendations on what I can do here?

There is a sticky at the top of the Relationships page. Its called "Things to do after a breakup".

Check that out, its full of stuff :)

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:51 AM

Bigbird yeah that makes sense. I am looking forward to getting to that stage too. How long have you been in NC for?

I was over at a mate's house yesterday and he broke up with his GF on Friday. It was interesting.

The difference's between us were striking. He, being the dumper was doing quite well. Me on the other hand being a dumpee by my ex girl friend was quite miserable.

I forgot how much easier it is to be the one being the dumper than the one being dumped.

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by f104

QUESTION for you. How do you manage to keep emotionally distant when you see her every day?

The thing is, I don't...
I still like her, and I want to get back together. There is a lot of issues though; like the reason we broke up. She has a suicidal ex, who tried to kill himself when he figured out she was dating another guy. We decided that we can't have a romantic relationship untul this guy gets help. She is also going to be away all summer break, so she doesn't see the point of getting emotionally involved if she is going to leave in a few weeks.
But yeah, I still talk to her like I'm her boyfriend. She comes to me with everything. She talks to me about the suicidal ex, and really personal things in her life. So, I don't keep emotionally distant from her.

But summer break is 5 days away now! If I feel I need to bring in NC, I can do it then.

bigbird213 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by f104

Bigbird yeah that makes sense. I am looking forward to getting to that stage too. How long have you been in NC for?

Ever since the breakup. We have exchanged about 3 emails, nothing for the last month, but it was pretty much "business" emails if you know what I mean. Nothing personal really...

I was over at a mate's house yesterday and he broke up with his GF on Friday. It was interesting.

The difference's between us were striking. He, being the dumper was doing quite well. Me on the other hand being a dumpee by my ex girl friend was quite miserable.

I forgot how much easier it is to be the one being the dumper than the one being dumped.

Be careful there. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes relationships end when neither person really wants to end it, but they both know it must. It isn't any easy to let someone go when you still care for them, but you know the relationship isn't working. My ex still cared for me immensely when she broke up with me, I just wasn't right for her anymore. She wasn't happy. I have no proof, but I wouldn't be the least surprised if it was just as hard for her as it was for me...

f104 · Jun 14, 2008, 08:58 AM

Be careful there. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes relationships end when neither person really wants to end it, but they both know it must. It isn't any easy to let someone go when you still care for them, but you know the relationship isn't working. My ex still cared for me immensely when she broke up with me, I just wasn't right for her anymore. She wasn't happy. I have no proof, but I wouldn't be the least surprised if it was just as hard for her as it was

That is a good point and another friend of mine said the same thing. Did you question yourself over and over about things you may or may not have done that precipitated the breakup? I am constantly questioning myself.

jrsg · Jun 14, 2008, 09:26 AM

Oh, and BigBird, thanks for the advice you gave me on my thread "Confusing Ex Girlfriend."

zooropa1985 · Jun 14, 2008, 10:03 AM

Does everyone find the weekends harder to deal with than the rest of the week?

Well my ex got in contact a few nights ago just go ask how I was, anyhoo she starts telling me she's falling for someone else, I know the guy which is a bummer and he's a total idiot.

Its weird cause at first it hurt but that soon passed and all I felt was anger towards her. I guess when the anger dies that will be it and ill be over her.

Ps

Is anyone else sick of hearing SOME women say that men have no feelings? I mean all they have to do is come on this site and they would see a fine example of just how much feelings a man can have. Its funny though cause some of the stuff I say here I would never say to someone face to face and maybe that's one of the problems, men don't really talk about their emotions that much.