[Sadheart]

Hi all,

I posted here a little while ago about my ex fiancé of 6 years leaving me. I've been doing it pretty tough since we split 2 months ago, and have been pretty strong with NC. I haven't spoken or contacted him in any way for 7 days, which may not seem very long for some, but it's seemed like eternity for me. :(

Anyway, he has emailed me today, asking how I am and to say hello. The thing is, I don't know what to do! I would like to still be friends with him further down the track, but I'm afraid that if I ignore him completely, then any chance of friendship will be gone. We do have an incredible amount of things in common, and it seems such a shame that we couldn't be friends later on, despite what has happened. The NC has made me a bit stronger, but I'm really at a loss how to go about this email. I know at this stage I am still healing, but why has he made this contact, after I have done all the contacting since the breakup and every time he has been cold towards me? I thought I would do the NC just to see as well if he would ever contact me himself, and now that he has, I don't know what to do? How do I reply?

[mitchellmom]

Hi all,

...I thought I would do the NC just to see as well if he would ever contact me himself, and now that he has, I don't know what to do? How do I reply?

In this situation, I would take a moment, step back, and breathe. What do you hope to gain from the email? If it is reconciliation, then I would not send an email at all. I would simply wait one week and see if you still want to respond. If you do want to respond right away, responding with a simple, courteous email such as "I'm doing well, thank you for checking on me. Have a lovely day" Much the same as you would respond to a casual acquaintance who's emailed you to see if you've gotten over your cold. Keep it casual, keep your distance, and you will be much less likely to be involved in any sort of "ex girlfriend drama".

[JBeaucaire]

Mom is right. Your NC thing is for your benefit. Don't change your course just because he's tossed an EFFORTLESS text message/email your way. How droll.

You're moving along nicely towards healing. Look how much instant confusion and pain a single message from him generated. Ugh! You don't need this prolonged in your life, do you?

Your friendship with him is on hold, possibly permanently. You may not be able to consider it safely ever again since you chose to date. What you "want" in this regard isn't the point, what "is" can't be ignored. You went past friendship to something more and it doesn't work. Most of the time there is no going back to friends without forever being hurt with the "would we/could we" thoughts going on all the time. It is what it is.

Stay on track with you. MAYBE after you're well into your next committed relationship you can revisit the friendship with this guy, but not before. Also, your new guy (who will be more important to you, right?) will have to be totally OK with it, too.

Be strong, stay firm. NC is for YOUR benefit. Stop reading his messages. Period.

[talaniman]

thought I would do the NC just to see as well if he would ever contact me himself, and now that he has, I don't know what to do? How do I reply?

You don't reply, you stay with No Contact until you can answer the question of what to do yourself. That simple.