[Toluca_86]

So this is about a situation that happened to me circa 5 months ago. I posted about it already, but I have new thoughts.

I've finally decided that with this guy I was dating, no matter how much I tried to act chill and give him the impression I didn't care too much what was going on, he /still/ acted like a jerk, and pulled a jerk move. It kind of bothers mee that it took me 5 months to make that decision, but umm... oh well. It's a damn shame too, because he has some awesome friends I'd like to get to know better.

In the meantime, he asked me to be "just friends" and to keep in contact when I moved away, and I've been going along w/ it. I think part of this was my denying that he had truly acted like a jerk, and part of this was me thinking about how he'd always say he was attracted more to talent than to looks, and how there was a lot he didn't know about me and my abilities, so maybe if I could impress him even more about my intelligence and abilities he'd be more interested in me... Of course, I now think about how much the woman he's dating now (who replaced me, basically) looks a lot more like his exes than I do, and I'm thinking "mm-hmm. sure it's all about talent..." And now I'm just thinking that everything about the "I'm really glad I know you line" he fed me about wanting to keep in touch doesn't really add up, and I'm increasingly suspicious it's more out of his own needs to view himself a certain way (as a "nice guy" or as a desirable person or something) and will never benefit me in the long run...

So now that I'm not feeling so warm to him, I still always feel a need for closure. Should I try to talk to him about "what is up" or just phase him out of my life, or what?

Also, another thing:
A) I have his new gf's e-mail
B) I have the URL to his online blog with lots of "private" thoughts and possibly, potentially things that would make her think twice about him (only possibly though... )

So: Would /you/ do something if you were in my shoes, such as sending her an anonymous e-mail? (If not, you can at least see why I'd have the urge, right?) Any ideas for how I could cover it up so he'd never guess it was me (besides just the anonymous part)?

[Alty]

You are thinking of doing this because you still have feelings for him and you are still hurt. Don't do anything out of anger, you will regret it later. He's moved on, now it's time for you to do the same. Forget him, NC, and find someone else.

Good Luck.

[ISneezeFunny]

Think about how this will benefit you. I know it might make you feel better out of spite and anger, but really, in a logical sense, will this benefit you in any way shape or form?

[Toluca_86]

Hey Hey,

Thanks for the replies, but I have more than one question up there.

[Toluca_86]

"Think about how this will benefit you. I know it might make you feel better out of spite and anger, but really, in a logical sense, will this benefit you in any way shape or form?"

Mmm... maybe it wouldn't benefit me directly, except from a vindictive kind of feeling. But what about chicks before s? I think she'd have a right to know... Actually, what I wish I could tell her even more than what is on the blog, is what he did to me. I think that might give her more pause, assuming she's your average intelligent 30 yr-old woman...

I'm becoming so jaded by the way that I have been w/ guys who have lots of smart, great female friends, and these guys don't treat me that great. It makes me doubt my own male friends, and the world in general...

[O_Troubles]

... ignore him , forget about him, don't even bother talking to the girl what they do is non of your buessness and did I mention drop it ? He's soooo not even worth your time...

[O_Troubles]

For the record if I dated a guy who cheated on me I wound want his one night stand to tell me what he did. Id rather have ignorant bliss or it straight from the horses mouth. Let the girl deal with it her self if it doesn't work out she'll learn and be smarter next time your helping her by leaving her alone. Also talking to her may cause her to talk to the guy getting you into

[talaniman]

So: Would /you/ do something if you were in my shoes, such as sending her an anonymous e-mail?

NO!

(If not, you can at least see why I'd have the urge, right?)

I can understand anger.

Any ideas for how I could cover it up so he'd never guess it was me (besides just the anonymous part)?

NO!

Basically the thing to do is, let it go, and move on. That way you won't have to pay the consequences of your actions. Deal with the anger, and not the revenge.

[Alty]

Tal, I had to spread the rep.

OP listen to Tal, revenge negates revenge, then you are caught in a vicious circle. You have a right to your anger, but you should not seek revenge, in the long run you will only hurt yourself. Let it go and live your life, leave this in the past.

[talaniman]

The best revenge is being happy without them.

[Alty]

I agree 100%.

Just live your life, find happiness, that is the best revenge. Wonderful advice Tal.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Toluca_86,

You have no right telling his girlfriend anything. Even if it is 'anonymous' as you say. Only he does.

What are you trying to accomplish here? Revenge or having him as a boyfriend again? I'm guessing both, right?

[HistorianChick]

Ooo... good point, Brunette Beauty... Revenge and Return...

I'm wondering the same... sweetie, yes, revenge may feel sweet at the time, but you're only hurting yourself if you go through with it. Be the bigger person here... don't let his immaturity dictate your own maturity.

Move on. You deserve better - a man should appreciate your awesomeness without you having to show him your qualities. Don't settle for someone who you have to spoon feed your greatness to.

[N0help4u]

Forget him. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking that you are still wanting him.
If you contact him in any way it will give him the impression you want him so much and can't get over him. Don't feed his ego!

[Toluca_86]

"What are you trying to accomplish here? Revenge or having him as a boyfriend again? I'm guessing both, right?"

Not having him as a "boyfriend". I mean, all I was looking for with him originally was kind of a fling -I was just kind of insulted by the way it ended. And it was also a bit messed up because he was acting more affectionate than I really wanted him to and I was starting to think there might be more potential there... and that was right when he broke it off.

Speaking of which,
I hadn't talked to him for a month, and was feeling more over him than I ever had. Then he texts me a week ago asking me if anyone had ever told me I reminded them of (insert certain iconic actress here). I haven't yet responded. I can kind of see why he might say that, actually, but still I'm pretty sure that constitutes flirting...
So: If he doesn't like me but he's flirting because he craves attention, he = tool.
If he /does/ still kind of like me and that's why he's flirting, well, given our history, and given I think he's still dating someone else "monogamously" that would pretty much /definitely/ make him a tool, wouldn't it?
The only problem: If he breaks it off with /her/ before I see him again, may the gods give me self-control...

[Toluca_86]

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

What to do, what to do...