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pieceofcake8 · Apr 6, 2008, 02:58 AM

Last night I was spending some time with my boyfriend. We ended up having sex. After he said it was good, but then went on to say that sex with me is different than with anyone else he has slept with. I asked him why, and in return to that he said, its hard to explain but its all in here, and pointed to his head, rather than here and pointed to his penis. I asked him to expand, he just said it was more emotional than physical... paused... and then said, its good though.

I know most people say lads are straightforward and say what they think, but I still felt there was a... but... that he never told me! I just wondered if anyone had any ideas as to what he means by emotional not physical, as he does always ejaculate, and usually its too soon for either of our likings, so it mustn't be too bad?

KISS · Apr 6, 2008, 05:46 AM

You might be able to understand what he is saying if you compare orgasms from masturbation with orgasms with a partner.

Men can have orgasms without ejaculation which we may be able to call mental or emotional orgasms. Pure physical might be in the category of "Wham, bam. Thank you ma'am" category. Place orgasms in a continuum.

Men and women are wired a little differently. Emotions are more prevelent in women. Technical and physical in men. This, in itself, makes the concept difficult to understand.

talaniman · Apr 6, 2008, 06:48 AM

I think he was saying he was into you, as opposed to just doing it.

pieceofcake8 · Apr 6, 2008, 11:43 AM

I can see very clearly the concept is not an easy one. Sometimes I would like to ask more questions, but sometimes my partner can get a bit impatient when it comes to explaining his mind and his thoughts.
Basically all I would like to know is if people generally think it's a negative statement or a positive statement that he made by saying what he did.
It may help if I were to tell you that I am a love making passionate innocent adult female, whereas he is more of the kinky, dirty, visual sort of adult male when it comes to sex, however we have learnt to compromise, but basically all I'm wanting to know is based on his statement, should I look into more if its coming across as negative or ignore it and move on?

Choux · Apr 6, 2008, 01:39 PM

Always remember the adage, "actions speak louder than words"... give up asking a guy the kind of questions that he is likely to give you a lie or misdirection back! How he feels about you is reflected in how he treats you in all ways. What he *does*.

Best wishes,

kp2171 · Apr 14, 2008, 08:19 PM

Given your description of he's being more kinky... I guess id take the comment as "fine"... not a great compliment, but not a slam, and in the end, if he's still a giving lover, perhaps it's a good sign.

A guy who's been indulged in what you call kinky or dirty sex has explored role playing and visual stimulation... the good news is even if he misses it some... if hed like you to take on some of those roles or fetishes... the fact that he's able to enjoy sex mentally means the visual aspects and role playing aren't "crutches" he needs to enjoy sex.

That's good news.

I'm guessing id make his day if you occasionally indulged in one of his fantasies, but all that said, he seems to be able to connect mentally, and that's a great thing.

The downside of the comment? Just might mean you are leaving things "on the table" that might pleasure him... but that's not a big deal. You shouldn't do anything you are uncomfortable with, and I really don't think he meant it to apply pressure.

So as long as he seems content, and as long as he is a giving lover who seems interested and engaged in making sure you are happy... I wouldn't lose one wink of sleep over the comment.

N0help4u · Apr 14, 2008, 08:33 PM

I agree with Talaniman
It means that his heart and emotion was into it with you rather than just doing it to do it.

Handyman2007 · Apr 18, 2008, 08:49 AM

Yes, I have to agree. Having a tight emotional connection to a sexual partner, as far as I am concerned, is the "only way to fly"!!

chuff · Apr 18, 2008, 05:33 PM

I think this guy is getting the raw end here. I think he was telling you he actually cares about you as opposed to it being about getting a piece. To put it a way a woman might understand it, "he doesn't have sex with you, he makes love to you"

Handyman2007 · May 1, 2008, 06:22 PM

Why is he getting the raw end?? He was being totally honestand I think the l;ady was impressed (although confused.) He is a better man than a lot!!

kp2171 · May 1, 2008, 06:56 PM

I really just think she was worried it wasn't "up to par"... especially with the pause... thinking... "it was good though".

He was reflecting on a different kind of experience, and she was worried there was a "but" involved... she wasn't punishing him... just worried that it wasn't as good as his other experiences... at least in my opinion. We commonly get this response from worried people who are with much more experienced partners.

The fact that she's been more mental and he's had more "props" means she isn't in his head and doesn't know exactly what his response meant... seeking clarification isn't punishing him for anything. It's a "nice girl" trying to understand a "naughty boy"

I can't speak for her but she hasn't been back since 4/6 so... hopefully they both are still having fun and learning from each other.