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Wow, I didn't read through all 6 pages (Sorry, I'm a little tired) but EVEN just reading your posts on the 1st and 2nd pages, and seeing this I think everybody could agree that you are doing much better than expected. Hell, you're doing a lot better then I did when I broke up with an ex of mine.
You learn to take life's lessons and make yourself a better person. You're young and there 7 BILLION people in the world, and believe me there is somebody that you deserve waiting for you to find them. Don't let some childish, selfish guy get in the way of finding the true love of your life. I remember, I was with this girl for like... 6-7 months, and after having a few year long relationships I had learned how to deal with it. I remember this breakup so well because it makes me laugh. Picture this I'm sitting in my room, playing Halo 2 (Xbox Video game for some that don't know) on xbox live and my buddy is staying the night. The girlfriend calls me and tells me she wants to break up, I simply say "Okay, cool. I'm sorry that we didn't work out and that I hope she sleeps well" it was like 2 in the morning and she was a co-worker of mine (my stupid mistake) I hang up and my buddy says "what was that all about?" I tell him she broke up with me and he says "you look upset." I turn to him, say that I'm upset because I just lost the lead in scores because of her and we both laugh. Come to find out she lied about breaking up, because she wanted to date ANOTHER co-worker (who had a 2 year relationship and told her that the girl was his sister LOL) And now even though we don't talk very much, we're cool with each other. And she was SO pissed when she came up to me at work (Ironically I worked at Starbucks for a few years) and asked if I wanted to get some food after work and I told her I can't because I have plans with my new girlfriend (who I've been with now for over 2 years... with some bumps in the road) and she realized that she messed up a relationship with a great guy (go ahead, call me arrogant ;] I know I'm good haha!) The moral of the story here is that good things happen to good people, you may see this as a bad situation, but try to look at it from a better perspective. You're FREE now to do what makes you happy, to meet new EXCITING people without gettin' drama from your boyfriend. You and I are both young (I'm a sophomore in college) we shouldn't be worrying about who we're spending our lives with and marriage and all that. Now, get out there because the world is yours for the taking! P.S. I'm going to give my AIM screen name out here for anybody to message me, I trust that it won't be used for spam and all of that. Calithugshwshank, I know it's a weird screen name, my buddy decided that screen name for me Kevin |
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That was a great answer and a fun read Kevin. All of us here know that Jami is a great girl, and someone is going to snatch her up before she knows it! He will be a more mature guy and will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
We're all here to get you through the tough times hun! |
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Also, Jami? The late nights and weekends will be the toughest for you for awhile. It is hard to see all of your friends coupling up at the end of the night, and feeling the dread of going home with your own thoughts of missing him and being lonely. It's so heartbreaking, and hard to get through.
Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be a better and easier day for you. I know how hard it is hun, but try and stay off his FB. It's probably a good thing that you can't read what he's up to. It would only set you back. And no, it's not silly for your pets to have their own page... mine does! She has a myspace page too, and she gets more messages than I do for crying out loud! ;) I guess (natural) blondes DO have more fun, :D I hope you can get a restful sleep. Cry when you need to, but smile and laugh every chance you get! ;) |
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Again, thank you all! Starbuck, I will definitely take you up on your offer of a PM sometime soon.
A weird thing about the timing of this break-up is that I'm witnessing a lot of similar break-ups (people at my college who have been together forever suddenly realize that it won't work after graduation and split up) and then I see the guys in these relationships run off to have sex with new girls pretty soon after. It's just really odd to witness. I wonder if anyone else has witnessed a similar phenomenon of a guy jumping right back into sex after a long-term relationship. I think I serve as proof of "What does not kill you makes you stronger." Last year, I lived abroad for five months. That was a really hard time. I was struggling to adjust, Evan broke up with me, I let myself be strung along, and I was wallowing a lot. Most significantly, my mom was diagnosed with a very bad chronic illness during month three of my time away. Having gone through the shocks of those things a year ago while isolated abroad, I feel so much better-equipped to deal with what life throws at me. If this happened a year ago, I don't think I'd be equipped to handle this nearly as well as I am now. I have so much more perspective and I really want to enjoy life. I'm excited to enjoy single life. I'm enjoying life but not the "single" aspect yet. It's also a weird time because at the end of the school year, people are hooking up with random people or holding on to their mates while they still can. So it's an intense environment. I've had so many fun times this week and I've had so many moments of not thinking about him. The sad times are definitely getting fewer and farther between. I'm coming out of my haze and I'm realizing that I would really be limiting my new life by being in a relationship with him after graduating. Still, it sucks to see him. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. |
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Yep. My ex. 3.5 years. 2 weeks after we break up, she's into another relationship.
Single life is AWESOME though, isn't it? I haven't been single in 8 years... so this is good for me. I know what you mean about people breaking up, as I have 3 weeks until graduation and I see people breaking up left and right... it's one of those "s*it or get off the pot" moments, I guess. |
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It's the three-week anniversary of my singledom. I don't necessarily feel worlds better than I did a week ago. Maybe week one was the big progress in healing and now it's smaller steps. I'm a bit frustrated with healing: all the thinking, sadness, loneliness, questioning: I wish it would all go away so I could enjoy myself fully. I am being active, positive and social and I am considering the break up and relationship objectively. I'm going out and having fun, not obsessing over him constantly (but when I am thinking to myself or discussing someone else's relationship, yes, my thoughts are always him-related). It's not impossible. I'm finding ways to have fun. But it's still hard.
In a way it feels like it's been three weeks and sometimes it feels like it's been three days. I can't believe that a week from now it'll be a month. I'm also occupied with the idea that about a month from now I will be graduating and may never see him again, and this is someone I loved for a long time so it's scary that I'm not enjoying the last amount of time I'd have with this person. I know it's irrational but it's true. The alternative, of course, if we hadn't broken up would be a month of sadness and confusion because we'd be going our separate ways so soon. This is healthier. Running around between commitments today, I thought to myself "I don't have time for a boyfriend." I'm so busy these days, I know I'd be missing out on everything if I were tied down. Meanwhile, I would still love to lie in bed and talk to him or go with him to a movie or fall asleep next to him or go on a hike or hear his laugh. As cheesy as that is. I'm also extremely amused by how rude/cold his friends are being to me. I didn't do anything yet they look at me with such scorn because they see me out with friends. Anyway, Le sigh. I made it three weeks. Kind of surreal. |
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You are going through so many normal feelings. The breakup is still so new for you. The reason that his friends are looking at you with scornful looks is that you are doing the exact opposite of what they expect you to be doing. They want to see you miserable and not being able to function. You are proving them wrong and they don't like it. The best revenge is showing that you are moving on.
Keep up all that you are doing. Yes, there will be some days where you will feel on top of the world, while other days, you will feel that you are sinking deeper and deeper. Acknowldege those feelings, but don't dwell on them. If you did not feel the hurt, that means that you are not healing. The want and need to feel loved and held are completely normal. Just know that you are not the first and you are not the last one to go through a breakup. Keep posting your thoughts and talking to your friends. We have your back, as we have all been there. We have gotten through these feelings and you will too. |
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Jami hun, there is no set time limit, and everything you feel is sooo completely normal. There is nothing irrational or cheesy about how you think or feel. It is what it is! You were with him for a long time, and of course you are going to miss that.
Heck, I was with my ex for a long time and although there were totally different circumstances where there was physical, emotional, and verbal abuse,. I still miss the old him, and the good in him. (although that man went away, and was replaced with someone I don't recognise) We have been split up for 18 months now, and there are still nights that I really miss sleeping beside him, hearing him laugh, the smell when he got out of the shower after work, and so on. I think if you DIDN'T have those feelings then that may be something to worry about. It's hard when you love someone, and it turns out you may never have known them at all. Don't ever appologize for the way you are feeling! They are your feelings, and you are entitled to them, no matter what. Just keep thinking in your mind, that this was a part of your life that you will look back on and be glad you learned the lessons that you did. Get up and throw that Grad Hat as high as you can girl, and think about all you have to look forward to! ;) Keep on talking out your thoughts and feelings to us, but I am going to have to insist that you tell us how great Grad Day was... and maaayybe even send some PM's with some pics of your celebration k? Take care dear girl! This too shall pass! ;) |
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Starbuck8 is right. We are here for you. We totally understand what you are going through.
In addition to posting here, I would also recommend keeping a journal to help you work through your feelings and thoughts. I use journaling as a way for me to see how far I have come. After journaling for a while, when you feel that you are not progressing, you can go back and read your entries to see the improvements that have been made. |
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I'd like to vent about what happened tonight:
I went out with a group of friends and at the end of the night, a friend who has definitely had an awkward crush on me for a while tried to kiss me. It made me feel grossed out - I am still trying to let go of my strong feelings for Evan and I found that move inappropriate - but I also felt sad for this guy because I know he's going to have his heart broken too. From me. Isn't it weird how you can get your heart broken and turn around and do it to someone else? This is why I am able to enjoy my relationships with my gay friends much more than my relationships with straight male friends: there isn't this added weirdness. Also, all my friends in relationships are driving me crazy! It's part my circumstance, but more importantly, they're all obsessing over their SOs now that there's little school left. Just had to vent. |
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Here sweetie... watch this... it's 80's and cheesy, but I love it :)
YouTube - Bonnie Tyler - Holding Out For A Hero - TOTP 1985 Don't settle for anything less... :D |
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just some words...
I thought I'd make another random post on here. I had a little urge to check his Facebook so I thought I'd come here instead. I've been good, it's been over a week since I last looked at it. I guess I only want to go there to see if maybe, just maybe, he broke up w/ that girl. I know I shouldn't even care. It's been a month since he broke up with me. Seeing where I am now I could tell I've improved a lot. I don't think I've cried at all this past week or the week before that. I've been feeling good about other things going on in my life. I still think about him all the time though. And all the dreams I have w/ him are sort of annoying. It's kind of like "get out of my head so I could just move on and live my life!!!" I think I sadly still have this tiny hope that maybe one day I'll see he called or left me an email. It's weird, I don't really want him back anymore but I guess I just want to talk to him again. Just to end things better maybe. Maybe I just want him to feel guilty or sorry. Last night I went to see an advanced screening of 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. It made me laugh which made me feel a lot better. I recommend it for everyone on here struggling through break ups. It sucked though because the theater was next to this pizza place my ex and I used to eat at all the time. And to get there I had to basically go the same route I did to go see him. Memories came into my head but I just let them go and didn't let them get me down. I think I was more scared of maybe running into him, lol. Hopefully by this time next month I'll be even better. I hate when I do start thinking about him and it makes me sad. The weather is getting so nice here and I just keep remembering how the two of us couldn't wait for spring and summer so we could do all these things we had planned. Sometimes when I think of him w/ her I get jealous and it just makes me sick. Like I said, I don't really want him back anymore, but I wish he wasn't w/ her. It's like... pick some other girl, just not her. It just seems so sad to me... he's 26 and wanted to start settling down in life and he leaves me for some 18 year old punk who's main objective in life is to party hard every night. I guess I just have to remember that people change. And just because somebody wants something at one point in their life doesn't mean they'll still want it five months later. Sorry for my rambeling. |
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Here's something for you Jami! Try not to feel like s--t. You'll be OK hun! :)
YouTube - You've Got A Friend---carole King,Celine,Gloria,Shania |
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 Originally Posted by Chameleon24
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I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm going to make an appointment with a therapist as soon as health services opens...
Today I saw him and he occupied my thoughts... I tried to be social and go out and do things but it was nearly impossible. Then, at 11pm, I was getting extremely frustrated with all this tension I was experiencing and the fact that all my friends were busy, so I went for a run outside - the gym was closed - which was extremely therapeutic. I know that that's really dangerous and I don't plan to make a habit of late-night runs, but I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I had to escape. I went out with my friends and they dragged me to a party that was in the house next to his. Of course I didn't want to go and when I went, I saw Evan through the window getting food from his fridge. So I left and went to go hang out with some other people. Not healthy to be looking at Evan through his window... Only bad can come of this. I couldn't be there. After wandering around trying to find a party or somewhere fun to go without success, my two girl friends and I set out for a party a couple blocks away and... ...out of the darkness, this drunk, long-haired scraggly guy stumbles toward us and then abruptly turns left and walks away. My friends nudged me. I didn't even realize it was Evan. He looked extremely wasted and gross. I said "Hi Evan" and he didn't acknowledge it. He just (barely) kept walking with his head down, his step extremely unbalanced. I find drunkenness extremely unattractive and I'm not a drinker so Evan and I didn't drink together except on maybe two occasions which were fun (and maybe a bad sign if I liked my boyfriend more when he was drunk?) but he would drink on weekend nights when we weren't hanging out... and of course smoke pot every night we weren't together. Anyway... After today when he seemed to be relatively happy, he seemed to be a mess tonight. He's definitely come out of hiding and my friends and I are seeing him a lot more. It's making it so hard to get over him and start a new life when he's constantly around and I see him all the time. I wish he'd go away. Or I wish I could just graduate now. Or that I could go on a vacation. I'm sick of this school and Evan and these feelings. I wish they'd just stop. I wish I could stop this constant running background music when I'm trying to do other things. I am worried that I'm completely boring and concerning my friends with what I'm going through. I am worried that I may be obsessed and that things are getting harder. But maybe 1) I am coping and the worse I feel now the better because it means I am coming to terms with this break-up and I am not in denial or 2) the more he hurts me post-break-up, the easier it is to stop romanticizing him and our relationship. If he's acting like such a jerk right now, what does that say about him? Ugh. I maybe should take pride in the fact that I was out with friends sober trying to make the most of what's left of college while he's stumbling around looking awful, but I know that it could just as easily be that he's with another girl, and either way, I need to focus on me. Not him. It's just awful. |
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That sucks Jami! It's too bad that you have to keep on running into him like that all of the time. Well you know, on second thought, maybe not. It might help you to put an end to another chapter in the book of Jami. I know it's tough on you though. Believe me hun, I have been there more than once, and each time I thought I would never get over it. I once sat in a dark room, curtains closed, doors locked, listening to depressing songs, (and every single one would remind me of him) for 3 weeks in a row. I didn't eat and hardly slept. Then one day I "woke up" and looked at myself and said... is he really worth all of this?. conclusion... nope! ;)
Just try and keep your focus on graduation day, and all of the other good things that are out there waiting for you! :) One day soon you will be out somewhere and you'll see that guy that makes you say... Evan who? Hang in there Jami! You'll get through it girl! :) |
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