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friend4u178 · Apr 14, 2008, 07:40 PM

Chuff
Great post there , I understand what it's like to not be able to go NC completely because you see your EX at work or socially or a variety of other reasons.

That's why I have said for a long time that NC (if you can do it completely) is actually a luxury , so to all you people out there who CAN go complete NC , please do so. Honestly it's for your own good and gets the healing process started and finished a lot faster.

jpm247 · Apr 14, 2008, 10:59 PM

Your spot on there, I do get to do NC, but unfortunately I bumped in to my ex on the way home from work yesterday, it was only for a few seconds, but it still stirs emotions I don't want or need to feel.

belightingguy · Apr 15, 2008, 01:50 PM

Today will be my first day practicing nc with my ex. It has been about a week and a half since we broke up. It hurts so bad, but I cannot see her or talk to her. I met with her last night, and she pretty much said we are over, for good. No sense in trying to hold on to someone that has already given up. Time to focus on myself, my friends, my family, and work. The rest will makes itself clear when the time comes. GL all.

belightingguy · Apr 15, 2008, 01:53 PM

Also, what is this "list" that people are talking about?

ISneezeFunny · Apr 15, 2008, 01:58 PM

What do you mean by the "list" belightingguy? Do you mean the stickies?

DazT · Apr 15, 2008, 02:52 PM

The list:

A list you make yourself on why you're better off without your ex, why you shouldn't contact your ex and a list of all the bad things about your ex. Add anything negative about your ex to this list and read it every time you're thinking of contacting her, or when you think of any good thoughts of her.

Romefalls19 · Apr 15, 2008, 03:03 PM

Yep, a great list to have... I made one when I first started No Contact so every time I got the urge to talk to her I would then read the list and the urge would go away. I recommend the list to anyone and everyone going through a break up. It's so easy to remember the good times but sometimes anger is what you need.

losingit77 · Apr 15, 2008, 03:19 PM

Day 9. Zero urge to contact. What's the point? What would I say? "hey, remember me? We were together for 4 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Just wanted to see how your life has been?"... duh! Its so weird. I just want him to be thinking of me and missing me. I know I shouldn't care about how feels, but its just killing me. How can someone say "I love you, I will always love you, I'm sorry I let you down, I just can't be in a relationship right now...". Agh! Why is life so complicated? I'm going to try to write one of those lists... even if I have to make stuff up to be angry about. I'd rather be angry and irate than have a constant underlying sadness.

Nicole0425 · Apr 15, 2008, 03:21 PM

Confession: I contacted the ex on Saturday through texts. But I had a reason (and I know everone says that.. )

I was doing fairly well with no contact (got up to 8 days, each time) seems like more.. Because the first time was v. brief.. ANYWAY..

I was molested in a club on Friday night and spent the whole night with the police/hospital, etc. It was killing me and he was the only person I wanted/trusted to talk to. So I texted him, and he acted like.. really concerned: Saying he wanted to kill the guy, he wishes he could help, blah blah.

I ended up saying some dumb things like how I've been so strong and I've been doing well, but this happening has made me feel weak and made me feel things about you that I shouldn't. And he just kept saying sorry and that he's here for me.

The WEIRD part is this. At the end of this text conversation, he says "I will call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And I was like.. what does that mean! And he just said "I'll explain later, hang in there, i'm here for you."

WHAT!? I feel so dumb that I contacted him.. but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and alone. :-(

I still love him. But it seems pretty obvious he doesn't love me.. as he hasn't said anything to me since and said he has things to explain later??

DazT · Apr 15, 2008, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Dazt! The list is an amazing thing isn't it? I had one up til I hit the one month mark...After that, I saw how my ex really is now and was just astounded by how much time I wasted trying to get her back. I don't regret the time we spent together at all, but do regret how the situation of the break up was handled on her part(over a text message) and I should have just ended contact right then and there...Just responded by saying "If that's what you want to do, take care of yourself pretty girl" but I can't go back and change the past as I can only work towards the future and I'm perfectly OK with her not being in it. If our roads seem to cross again in the future, then so be it. But as for now, I'm going to stay me.

The list is what keeps ye going! Yeah, my ex has changed too and I know now it was a complete waste of time trying to get her back because the person she was when me and her were happy is now gone.. like she never existed.

I also have regrets about the breakup of our relationship. We broke up 3 or 4 times and really when we ended the first time I should have wasted no time on trying to get her back and should just try to get on with my life.

I have the same attitude as you, if our paths cross in the future, so be it. But for now, we will stay us and get on with our lives. I'm really surprised at how well I've done without her in my life.. I haven't cried once, don't check her Myspace, haven't had any strong temptations to contact her and don't really think about her until night time (now).. but instead of sitting about moping, I decided to come on here and let out my feelings.

Nicole0425 · Apr 15, 2008, 03:25 PM

P.S.

BEFORE he told me all of those things (he'll call later, etc.) I DID say that I didn't think we should be together either. That I agreed we didn't need to get back together... and I said all that, so I don't think I came off as desperate? I just felt so.. terrible..

DazT · Apr 15, 2008, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by Nicole0425

Confession: I contacted the ex on Saturday through texts. But I had a reason (and I know everone says that..)

I was doing fairly well with no contact (got up to 8 days, each time) seems like more.. Because the first time was v. brief.. ANYWAY..

I was molested in a club on Friday night and spent the whole night with the police/hospital, etc. It was killing me and he was the only person I wanted/trusted to talk to. So I texted him, and he acted like.. really concerned: Saying he wanted to kill the guy, he wishes he could help, blah blah.

I ended up saying some dumb things like how I've been so strong and I've been doing well, but this happening has made me feel weak and made me feel things about you that I shouldn't. And he just kept saying sorry and that he's here for me.

The WEIRD part is this. At the end of this text conversation, he says "I will call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And I was like.. what does that mean!? And he just said "I'll explain later, hang in there, i'm here for you."

WHAT!!?? I feel so dumb that I contacted him.. but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and alone. :-(

I still love him. But it seems pretty obvious he doesn't love me.. as he hasn't said anything to me since and said he has things to explain later???

Nicole, the whole part of N/C is to get over your ex. Stop worrying about why he hasn't said anything to you since, he's not worth it.

Get on with your life without him in it, things do get easier, I promise. I was in the same sitation as you, relying on a certain someone to make the pain go away but when they don't respond, it makes you feel completely crap.

The only way forward is to cut them out of your life, completely. It is hard but it gets easier and you will be happier in the long run believe me.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

DazT · Apr 15, 2008, 03:35 PM

And I'm sorry if I hurt you with what I said but I just want to try to help you get out of the mess you're in because I know how low you can go when in a situation like your's.. I have been in it myself. Just stay strong, for your own good.

Romefalls19 · Apr 15, 2008, 03:36 PM

Yea, it's weird because I have a mutual friend on Facebook and me and her were posting comments to each other and then my ex started commenting on that same friends Facebook trying to get me to see what she said. And then said "We should go check out that hockey game someone talks about all the time" after 2 posts down I had said how I have been playing hockey a lot lately and stuff. I didn't even let it phase me because she isn't worth my time. I am finally seeing that I need to do the things I want to do. I'm like you DazT, I did not think I would be able to recover so quickly. I hit rock bottom for like two weeks, then found this site and everyone here is such a great support line that I needed. My friends were telling how to get her back, I came on here and was told flat out to go No Contact.. Which I did. Everyone here, gives honest and straight forward advice that you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.

DazT · Apr 15, 2008, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea, it's weird because I have a mutual friend on Facebook and me and her were posting comments to each other and then my ex started commenting on that same friends facebook trying to get me to see what she said. And then said "We should go check out that hockey game someone talks about all the time" after 2 posts down I had said how I have been playing hockey a lot lately and stuff. I didn't even let it phase me because she isn't worth my time. I am finally seeing that I need to do the things I want to do. I'm like you DazT, I did not think I would be able to recover so quickly. I hit rock bottom for like two weeks, then found this site and everyone here is such a great support line that I needed. My friends were telling how to get her back, I came on here and was told flat out to go No Contact..Which I did. Everyone here, gives honest and straight forward advice that you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.

Yeah, just ignore them comments.. very immature of her to do that rather than contacting you herself.

Yeah, I see what you mean by doing the things you need to do.. I'm like you in that aspect as well. I had lots of things to be done but I didn't even think of them because I was rock bottom over my ex. I was really down. But I came on here also and was gave great advice, read other topics and it really helped. I must say, I was embarrassed to come onto the internet to find help because none of my friends would expect it off me and its not like me to do something like that but I was willing to try anything to get her back, then I was told to do N/C. I never listened until one day it hit me that it was the right thing to do and I've been mostly upbeat about the whole thing ever since.

And especially that the last words she said to me were "piss off and stop texting me", that's really motivating me not to contact her again. I was only trying to get my stuff back so that I didn't have to contact her again and she tells me that.. and I still haven't got my stuff back!

Sorry for that wee rant, lol.

Romefalls19 · Apr 16, 2008, 05:53 AM

Yea, my ex still owes me $140 bucks... but I weighed my options on that one... I could call and ask for my money, in which we may meet up to get said money and she might try to talk to me(not good because I don't want to hear what she has to say) or I could just write it off as a lesson learned. I have chosen, write it off as a lesson learned.

Yea, she has become a totally different person. She makes it apoint to talk about how she got drunk the night before when I walk by at work or always is with a guy flirting if I'm around. I just laugh it off because I think to myself "she just wants a rise out of you" and then I just walk by ha ha

My ex never said don't talk to me ha ha... I just stopped talking to her cold turkey, she wanted to be "friends because I was such a big part of her life" yea... Same song and dance, so big that you could walk away. My view on it was.. If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

ISneezeFunny · Apr 16, 2008, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

Touché.

... my ex still has my fridge.. . lesson learned.

chuff · Apr 16, 2008, 09:55 AM

Rant on...

Well she came down to get a ride home because she is leaving work early today. As chance would have it she looks in the window as I happen to look up and our eyes meet then she goes and sits down out of my view. A guy who works for me said something to her about me but I couldn't make it out what it was nor her response. After awhile she gets up and stands out by the street for her ride and I guess got picked up at some point but I didn't see that. Naturally I pointed out to the guy who works for me that she was looking at me and that I caught her. He immediately changed the subject and then I asked if she happened to mention my name and he turned away and said "no." Obviously this is not his problem nor should he get involved but I know I came up. Anyway I have nothing to add, I just needed to rant for a second and I think I feel better now.

ihatewestseneca · Apr 16, 2008, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

Wow... that says it all right there... my ex still thinks that I'm "one of the most important people in her life"... then why would she leave me?

Nicole0425 · Apr 16, 2008, 03:59 PM

I guess I'm at Day 4.

I hate him. :-(

I'm still so sad. Blah. Just blah.