[NeedKarma]

The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
2. I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5. I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the es.
6. I’d really rather you didn’t build multi million-dollar synagogues/churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
   1. Ending poverty
   2. Curing diseases
   3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
      I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7. I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
8. I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

[jillianleab]

All hail his noodly appendage...

:)

[curlybenswife]

Ah NK about bloody time too can I have extra balls please ;)

[Izannah]

Amen! Ummmm... I mean "al dente!"

[jillianleab]

Amen! ummmm....I mean "al dente!"

Actually, it's "rAmen" :)

[J_9]

Praise his noodly goodness!!

[Izannah]

Actually, it's "rAmen" :)

Oh wow! That's a good one! Love it! :p :p

[Synnen]

Huzzah!

[J_9]

Huzzah!

Bless you! :p

[NeedKarma]

Not sure how it became a poll but I like it!
The great FSM watches over you... but he's really busy.

[curlybenswife]

Ask ben NK ;)

[NeedKarma]

I figured he was the likely suspect. :)
Look at this religion thread - devoid of strife and divisiveness, it's a beautiful thing.

[jillianleab]

I figured he was the likely suspect. :)
Look at this religion thread - devoid of strife and divisiveness, it's a beautiful thing.

Ah, but we don't all agree when it comes to the poll - do I smell a fight looming?







Oh wait, I think that's meatballs...

[Curlyben]

Well If there isn't agreement I'm sure His Noodly Goodness will lead the way and prevail.

[Fr_Chuck]

I am concerned deeply, the religion does not appear to be all inclusive, with "meat" balls, it would seem to discriminate against those who do not eat meat.

[NeedKarma]

Those who do not eat meat are doomed to an eternity in HELL, they are living their lives WRONG.

Just kidding, taking a poke at other religions. The no-meat eaters can omit meatballs, it's that easy.

[jillianleab]

Apparently you people have never heard of tofu balls:

Tofu Balls :: theppk.com Vegan Recipe Database

Or meatless meatballs:

Cooks.com - Recipes - Meatless Meatball

Sheesh people, you should know his noodly holiness welcomes all!

[Izannah]

Yea, though I walk through the valley of semolina, I shall not covet my neighbor's sauces... except the al fredo, that's good stuff.

[talaniman]

For now I will follow your lead, and sit queitly at your table, and wait to be served with your generosity. Don't skimp on the sauce.

[NeedKarma]