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jit900 · Apr 10, 2008, 08:16 AM

Married for 8 years. 4 years ago, when I went to use the computer after my wife was on it, I noticed that the last page she left on the web browser was a people search site and her ex-boyfriend's name was typed in. My natural instinct was to covertly find out how involved she was in this endeavor and who else she was looking for. It turns out there were others also. So my curiosity led to accessing her carelessly left open email accounts, etc. And there was an email to someone she was "friends" with in college, nothing incriminating found.

I was very upset and chose to confront her. She could only assure me it was benign and just curiosity to see what she would find. I reluctantly trusted her so I kept a close eye on her online activities. Naturally, when myspace and Facebook came out I was on top of those sites everyday. It would only be a matter of time she'd discover them. And so you would guess correctly, she's at it again. I know who her friends are and I know which friends know her ex's, since she has kept in touch with a lot of childhood friends. Some have accounts on myspace, etc. This is driving me crazy. I've become obsessed with keeping tabs on her. I know she is careful about her emails and what she writes, but so far she has only searched for ex's and not actually attempted to contact any of them.

I don't know what this all means. Is it an innocent desire to see what people in her past are up to or will this become an obsession or something even worse.

Stratmando · Apr 10, 2008, 08:42 AM

She may like to hear they are doing bad?

tickle · Apr 10, 2008, 08:44 AM

I wouldn't take it to far. It sounds like a natural curiosity of hers. I have that too and often search out old flames, old friends from school and college to see what became of them. If anyone found that info on my computer they would think the same as you. If you asked her and she told you it was benign I would leave it at that. Why make dissent where there is none?

retsoksirhc · Apr 10, 2008, 08:45 AM

It sounds like you're obsessing over nothing. If she says whe's just seeing where her old friends are at, that's probably all there is to it. She's your wife, you should trust her.

450donn · Apr 10, 2008, 08:47 AM

Sounds to me like you might have a jealously issue that you need to take care of. Are you insecure in your marriage?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 10, 2008, 03:22 PM

I would say you have a serious issue of trust and are obsessing over nothing and if you don't learn to handle your problem, you will end up breaking up the relastionship.

We all are often wondering what happened to people in our past, I search out old friends all the time, heck answering things on this site, I look up porn sites, sex information, sex disease and more, but ths issue is first you should not be checking on her and after that you need to let it go.

simoneaugie · Apr 11, 2008, 12:08 AM

I am still in contact with an old flame, my first love. I also still talk and visit with a guy that I was with during a break with my husband. If hubby sniffed around and acted like I "must" be up to something, I'd be gone.

As it is, he allows me to be friends with whom I wish. Why would I want to screw up trust and faith like that?

N0help4u · Apr 11, 2008, 03:42 PM

I am always curious about old friends and everybody I have known in my past so I would say as long as she hasn't done anything incriminating she may just be curious.
I enjoy having my old friends linked to my myspace and I rarely even check my myspace.
Sort of like 'just knowing they are there' is more than enough.
If she starts getting overly secretive and upset with you 'snoping' and other red flags then you might have some legitimate concerns.

NowWhat · Apr 11, 2008, 03:50 PM

I have done this. I've looked up almost all my old boyfriends and old friends. Just really to see what they were doing these days. I am a bit nosy :)
I think you have nothing to worry about.

If you keep up this behavior though, you might have a problem. You are her husband - not her keeper. Trust her. SHE MARRIED YOU!

actlikemywife · Apr 12, 2008, 11:37 PM

Why are you worried? Take a serious look at yourself! How would your wife feel if she knew YOU were crying the blues about HER actions in a public place? Is your post an "innocent desire" to get to the bottom of what's wrong, or are YOU trying to find someone in cyberspace to communicate with? Buy her a real pretty surprise. Stop being jealous... its a turn off to woman, it makes us feel like we are being robbed of our right to be independent! Communicate with HER. Tell her straight: I saw this. I don't like it. But, I love you. Just ASK her to delete her stupid myspace. Be honest. Spend time together doing fun and happy things! Hold hands! Pick a flower. Stop worrying. :)

Allheart · Apr 12, 2008, 11:44 PM

Wow, you said "You reluctantly trusted her", but yet you made it a full time job for yourself to watch her every on-line activity. That's not trust, and you are giving in to your fears.

The next time you find yourself ready to do a search, STOP right in your tracks. Try your best to stop this, what has to be a stressful habit of yours.

Until she gives you an iron clad reason not to trust her... keep your vows to honour and TRUST.

I feel for you, I really do. But just take it day by day and each day you don't search, will help you to collect many days of stopping the searching and working on rebuilding the trust, that you took away from her, not her from you.