Will he ever want to?

Wondergirl · Jan 31, 2008, 06:20 PM

I am putting my money on B now.

And your hair sounds awesome! You rock, girl!

beth911 · Jan 31, 2008, 08:28 PM

What do u mean, and what about J?

beth911 · Jan 31, 2008, 08:36 PM

Please please please please please... what's going to happen?

cgregory67 · Jan 31, 2008, 10:36 PM

Let me help you a little here, first lets make this readable :). All I can say Beth is we all have been there before, just another definition of growing pains. You have allot of "I wants" in your post. I know you feel you can't deal being without this boy but you can. Many relationships are filled with mind games and will ultimately be unsuccessful, trust me. Let it go, be kind and respectful of his wishes. If you feel he doesn't undertand that you don't want to be with his friend he will get that message when you are not. Time to move on, this won't be your first or last letdown. If you pursue as you have he will lose all respect for you, if he has not already. If you force him to settle for you, the mind games and distrust will continue to happen. Good luck kid!

PS: Concentrate on your studies, and yourself for now….the results will be much more rewarding.

I need much help with everything that is going on. There is a long a story and I don't even know where to begin. We have been together for almost 2 years. I won't tell the whole story because of its length but I will tell you bits and pieces. Right now, he thinks I want his friend and I really don't. He is kind of ignoring me and I only can talk to him at school. He wrote a note saying that he feels bad about leaving me and doesn't want to be hurt anymore.

There is nothing that anyone can say or do to get me to change my mind... I already know that no matter what, even if I want to I will not give up on trying to keep us together. Even if I want to give up on it I won't! I just need some help on trying to get him to understand that I really do love him and don't want anyone else. I don't want him to be hurt and want to be with him forever. I want him to know that things between us can be better than they ever were. We can try to have fun together while getting along without being miserable plus we both love each other and don't like hurting one another.

I tried writing all this to him in a note but he said that one of his friends took it from him and that he never gave it back. I told him to try and call me if he can but he never did, then again he really isn't aloud to so maybe that is the reason. I tried giving him another note and he said "I'll just lose it" so he never read it. I told him to call me yesterday and so far he hasn't called even though he said he would try. When I try to talk to him, he acts like he doesn't know me; I think that since he hasn't read the note he may still think that I want his friend. The day before yesterday I told him in person that I want to be with him, and then we kind of talked for about 10 seconds. Later I went back up to him and he just seemed mad again. This was right before we got out of school that day and then he just kind of walked away from me. He sits next to me in 2 classes and in the 2nd one he kept looking at me like he was trying to get my attention but when I looked at him he would look away. He did say "don't look at me like that".

I don't know what to do, should I wait, and will he see I am not even talking to his friend then start to come back to me? Should I keep trying to talk to him? What's the best way to get him to come to me? He may think I want his friend or something because of what was said a few weeks ago. He told me that he was talking to another girl and was going to leave me for her so I lied and said I wanted his friend. He then said he was just joking about her but it wasn't a lie about talking to the other girl. I just don't know what to believe because he makes things up sometimes trying to make me mad or see how I would react. Now he is ignoring me so I told him the truth and the reason I said these things because I was angry about that other girl.

I may have given you somewhat the wrong idea or not enough info on this problem due to lack of detail and such along story but I tried. Basically I want to know how I can get him to talk to me again.

beth911 · Feb 2, 2008, 08:45 PM

He keeps calling me a whore and a skank and stuff now.
I don't get why.
Because he thinks I listen to rap. That's no reason and I don't even listen to rap

Wondergirl · Feb 2, 2008, 08:49 PM

Tell him that, if he can't be respectful to you, then you don't want to talk with him. Set boundaries.

Ask him questions about his going into the military. Where will he do boot camp? What about training school after boot?

beth911 · Feb 2, 2008, 08:52 PM

Wondergirl I need you to talk on mesanfer

Wondergirl · Feb 2, 2008, 08:53 PM

OK

beth911 · Feb 16, 2008, 12:22 AM

J and I got in a big argument yesterday. And I was finally ready to move on and forget about him. I finally got the strength to do it. I told him I didn't even want to talk to him because we would just end up getting back together and I don't want that to happen. He said the same thing but some how this time, he got us to continue to talk to each other. But I'm not so sure I want to get back into this. But I can't leave him while we are still talking. I'm only OK with leaving him when he's treating me like that

beth911 · Apr 9, 2008, 08:45 PM

Things have gotten like a million times better than what they used to be. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 years. But he just doesn't like to kiss and hold hands and stuff and that is a big problem for me. He also tries to control me too much. I guess I kind of do the same to him but not as bad and he always has some kind of reason for it all. I just want to know how to change it. Like its OK for him to have friends but I can't have friends because... whatever the reason. And he thinks he's being fair and really he's not. Honestly, I don't want friends anyway. But knowing that if I did have them, he would get all mad about it just really makes me feel bad. But all I have is him. I could understand if he didn't want me to have friends that are guys. But when he doesn't even let me have female friends, that's pretty bad. According to him just about every female is a slut and if I hang out with them then I will become one and end up cheating on him but all he does with his friends is talk about cars and stuff so its OK for him to have them. I know his friends do drugs. How do I know they won't get him to do it? He says he can say no and I cant. But he's said before that they got him to do stuff like that. And if I bring that up all I hear is "thats not as bad as some of the stuff youve done"
And for the holding hands and stuff... he always says that he wants to and we can from now on, then later he changes his mind and says that he only said that because... whatever... he didn't want to hurt my feelings, or he was just lying. etc.
Those are I guess the main problems. And I really think it can be fixed some how. I know its not worth giving up on. So what is it you think I need to do? The only good thing is that if it weren't for him, I would probably be on drugs right now. But he tries to control me, like I said, and he won't let me do those things so I don't do them.
ANd its like he's afraid to say nice things to me sometimes. He won't admit he thinks I'm hot or anything.

workedtoohard · Apr 9, 2008, 11:12 PM

He doesn't like to kiss you, hold hands, or compliment you. Sounds like he might love you but isn't IN LOVE with you. I know because my ex wouldn't do those things very much (well kissing was OK but no real public displays of affection). She was jealous of my friends but that was just pissing on territory. On my birtday, I asked her what she liked about me and the first thing she said was "you like to go out to dinner to nice restaurants like I do". Hahaahahaah

beth911 · Apr 9, 2008, 11:18 PM

I thought things were getting better.. now its like they aren't.

starbuck8 · Apr 10, 2008, 01:18 AM

What should you do? For starters dump him on his A$$. Secondly, grow yourself a backbone and get back your dignity and self-respect, and find a real man who will tell you that he loves, honours, and cherishes you. If he doesn't respect you now, he never will.

Let me see. He won't LET you have friends, but HE can have all he wants. Most women are SLUTS. He won't LET you hold his hand or kiss him. His friends do drugs and HE can say no, but he doesn't believe YOU can. He said he was JUST LYING etc. HE won't LET ME do things so I don't do them...

Gee... sign me up for that!

beth911 · Apr 10, 2008, 10:38 PM

Wondergirl, if you get this... I couldn't send to your inbox...
He says its for some tests or something. But for a while, when everything was going good.. he kept saying that he loves me... Now its like before, he won't even say it back. And if he did say it he would say it like he don't mean it. And when I talk to him all he says is "oh" and "i see" then he says he's just short on words. But everythings like it was and I can't stand it.

Wondergirl · Apr 10, 2008, 10:42 PM

I cleaned out my mailbox. Just live your life. Remember when you mostly ignored him? He came around. Do that again.

beth911 · Apr 10, 2008, 11:25 PM

I'll try. What if that doesn't work?

Wondergirl · Apr 11, 2008, 05:56 PM

Don't "try" -- DO IT!!

It will work.

beth911 · Apr 12, 2008, 12:45 AM

I'm worried about him leaving. HE SAYS he's leaving this summer. But he always makes these things up but something tells me he might not be making it up.

beth911 · Apr 12, 2008, 12:52 AM

And he said "why would i want to stay? i can't get a job without a car, and i can't get a car without a job"
And he says its his only choice. Then he said "i have to fight just to eat, let alone worry about a car"

beth911 · Apr 12, 2008, 02:55 PM

And now my biggest problems are that people keep telling me that if he goes in the army he's going to forget about me and find another girl while he's there.
People think he's cheating on me. And all this stuff.
And he's a sociopath so I don't know how to put up with that.
Wondergirl, I've told you the most about this. And you're the only person that hasn't given up on me. Thanks. What do you think? Do you think he would do that?

Add your answer here.