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hfilewood · Apr 2, 2008, 05:03 PM

I cannot get my 16 yr old daughter to come home or go to school? What do I need to do to get someone to help.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2008, 05:08 PM

Contact JUV authorities, have her declared deliquent and sent off to boot camp.
Who ever is letting her stay, see about pressing charges for interfering with custody against them.

ChihuahuaMomma · Apr 2, 2008, 05:12 PM

I have to agree with Fr_Chuck.

cdad · Apr 2, 2008, 08:28 PM

You need to do some tough love. In some states if there are too many unexcused absents then the parent is the one who ends up going to jail.

There might be other things going on in her life that you really need to know about.

hfilewood · Apr 8, 2008, 08:30 AM

I don't know what to do about my 16 yr old daughter. She refuses to come home. She says if I make her come home she will harm everyone in my house and tear stuff up. She is truant in school because she only goes when she feels like it. I am the one on the hook for this and cannot get any help. The judge will not help, her school will not help and her 17 yr old boyfriend's mom who she is living with will absolutely not help me. What in the world should I do? Won't come home or go to school. She is apparently out on the streets with scumbags all night.. She does call me about every night to check in. I am lost and need guidance. How can I get myself out of this mess with everything?

ScottGem · Apr 8, 2008, 08:41 AM

You need to talks to your local Family Services agency. You may be able to emancipate her, or you may be able to have her incarcerated or other things. As for the bf's parents, they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway or even kidnapping.

talaniman · Apr 8, 2008, 09:43 AM

Stop being nice, and raise holy hell is what you do. Contact a boot camp, and the police, and have her escorted from her b/f's house to start with, and press charges on anyone who says BOO! She can be charged with harboring a runaway, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, or anything you can think of. If nothing else, get her out of where she is, and alert the cops to curfew violations. Get busy making her life hell ,as she needs much discipline. Don't hesitate.

JudyKayTee · Apr 8, 2008, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by hfilewood

I cannot get my 16 yr old daughter to come home or go to school? What do I need to do to get someone to help.

There is another post by same person which is somewhat longer - should be combined.

flossie · Apr 8, 2008, 06:43 PM

Tough love is one of the hardest things to do, believe me, I've done it. Leave her be. Again, it's tougher on you than it is on her but the more you butt heads the more angry she will become. At least you know she's OK when she calls every day to check in with you. Obviously she still wants some contact with mom or she wouldn't bother to call.

JudyKayTee · Apr 9, 2008, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by flossie

Tough love is one of the hardest things to do, believe me, I've done it. Leave her be. Again, it's tougher on you than it is on her but the more you butt heads the more angry she will become. At least you know she's OK when she calls every day to check in with you. Obviously she still want some contact with mom or she wouldn't bother to call.

But I think the bigger problem with just ignoring the behavior, letting her skip school and run all night is the legal liability and responsibility of the mother for whatever the child gets herself involved with.

I don't think you can just give up on your kids, let them be, when they are 16 - as a mother it's your job to raise them. And if you can't do it on your own, you have to get help. I thought tough love was more in the category of "Do it my way, follow the rules, or get out." I didn't think it was just leave them alone to do their thing - ?

Just my opinion -

George_1950 · Apr 9, 2008, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by hfilewood

I don't know what to do about my 16 yr old daughter. She refuses to come home. She says if I make her come home she will harm everyone in my house and tear stuff up. She is truant in school because she only goes when she feels like it. I am the one on the hook for this and cannot get any help. The judge will not help, her school will not help and her 17 yr old boyfriend's mom who she is living with will absolutely not help me. What in the world should I do? Won't come home or go to school. She is apparently out on the streets with scumbags all night.. She does call me about every night to check in. I am lost and need guidance. How can I get myself out of this mess with everything?

It is interesting that when we marry there is a vow, 'for better or worse', and we don't have a similar vow for a child. So, let's just say it is implied that we love our child, for better or worse. I don't know at what point we intervene; I suppose it is when the child is loading up on alcohol or drugs, or when the child has come under the control of a third person who is not looking out for the child. There should be 2 or 3 essential questions you should ask when she calls: 1) what did you do today 2)where are you and 3) who are you with (take notes!). I would speak to the school counselor, local mental health clinic, local law enforcement, and minister, priest, or rabbi. Develop a support system for yourself and your child; you should not be reinventing the wheel because we are dealing with human nature. If you will, please keep us informed.

Izannah · Apr 9, 2008, 05:56 AM

Originally Posted by hfilewood

I don't know what to do about my 16 yr old daughter. She refuses to come home. She says if I make her come home she will harm everyone in my house and tear stuff up. She is truant in school because she only goes when she feels like it. I am the one on the hook for this and cannot get any help. The judge will not help, her school will not help and her 17 yr old boyfriend's mom who she is living with will absolutely not help me. What in the world should I do? Won't come home or go to school. She is apparently out on the streets with scumbags all night.. She does call me about every night to check in. I am lost and need guidance. How can I get myself out of this mess with everything?

You said the judge will not help? So you are already involved with the juvenile court system? If you are not then you need to contact the county attorney and talk to him about filing a petition.

What area are you from? A lot will depend on the laws in your state regarding minor children. With the truancy and run away behaviors, you should have plenty enough to get the courts involved. I can't believe that the school will not help... they HAVE to help! As for the boyfriend's parents, I would notify the police that they are harboring your child without your permission and possibly (probably) contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

If she's calling home to check in, then she's not completely lost, I don't think. I think when kids run away, they are either running TO something that they are missing in their home or they are running FROM something in their home that they can no longer deal with or know how to deal with. Nows the time to really look into your household and be painfully honest about what you see. Is she just being a spoiled brat or is there really something else going on that's pushing her to behave this way? You may want to contact your local Health and Human Services Department and see if you can open a "voluntary" case. That way you can access to services like counseling, skill building, etc.

Any drug or alcohol use? Any other self-destructive behaviors? When did all of this start? What else was going on around that time?