[stephsadvice]

Well we have been together for 4 years. I am now 19 years old and I have known him since the 5th grade. Our relationship has changed significantly and today we just had an argument one we have had before, but I don't know what to think. We went from seeing each other everyday and calling each other all the time, then in his car we got into a conversation and said that we needed to do things for ourselves (pretty much). I was hurt, upset and crying, but I took our conversation seriously. Now we don't see each other everyday, but I barely hear from him. I get like one-2 phone calls a day and its normally at night. But when I don't see him I have been going to the gym and hanging out with my friends once in a while things like that which are some of the things that were disscussed when we talked about doing things for ourselves. Now this week I got the flu I haven't seen him for 6 days (sunday). He says that his friends are getting together tomorrow night and I'm not invited because no one likes me. We got into this whole argument and once again I got upset we almost broke up. He says he loves me and I believe him I just don't know what to think right now. I have given him his space so I know it can't be that and I know he is being faithful. Is there something that someone else sees that I'm not.

Please give me some insight on this or how to get through this. If you have any more questions that would help come to a conclusion feel free. Also when we get into arguments we tend to fix them pretty quickly so that also confuses me a bit. Like how can we argue and then make up if there is seriously something wrong. I don't want to lose him and some times I just wish there was a way to see if we were meant for each other.

[talaniman]

It sounds like you both are changing which is pretty natural for people of your age and maybe you both are starting to feel the pressure of growing up and being mature adults. I think it would be a very good time to get to know yourself and who you are and what you want from life and how to go about planning your own future.I'm sure he feels the same way so be patient and give time to yourself and just wait and see what happens.If its meant for you it will be.:cool:

[fredg]

Hi,
A lot of Arguments? Like every week?
If so, this is not a good relationship. It doesn't matter who starts them, it's just the fact that with a good loving relationship, each person has respect, love, caring, and wanting to be with the other.
If this is not the case with you and your boyfriend, then it's time to seriously consider moving on. At 19 yrs old, you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you want to continue it with someone like him?
It's your decision, but I really do believe you would be much better off, and happier, to start talking with other men... it really helps to meet new people.
It will be hard to do this, but your boyfriend isn't very serious about your relationship... it shows.

[Chery]

Hi dear, I have to agree with talaniman and fredg.

At your age, neither one of you have the experience or maturity yet to know exactly what real love and future responsibilities are about.
Plus, the fact that he states that his 'friends' don't like you, and he does not defend you towards them, he is keeping a part of his life from you. Therefore he has proven that he needs 'space' to try and figure himself out.

Making up after an argument is easy - for self-gratification and closing the stress factor at the time - but do you really like this 'routine'?

Breaking up and starting new is hard on all of us, but sometimes it helps us heal and reflect on things that are more important in our lives.

You now have time to reflect and decide what you really want for yourself - and putting another person in the center of your universe is not the choice you should make at this time.

You need to concentrate on yourself and your independent future before making a choice of sharing yourself and your valuable time and energy on something that you have no control over.

You do, however, have control of your choice of goals and dreams - it's time to take a better look at them.

Lots of luck, and please keep us posted.


Look in the mirror and respect what you see. If not - look at the options to make it possible. But, never put yourself in second place!