[theguywithnolife]

I posted this on the dating secition before realising this was here
Here's my Problem

Basicially I met this girl about 2.5-3 years ago over the internet. For the 1st year-1.5 We were good friends and nothing but that. Well then for some reason (I don't remember) I just quit talking to her... I just stopped. It wasn't about her or anything it just happened.. Well about a year ago we got back into contact. Well then I started growing feelings for her. We've talked over the phone, over messengers, Even Web cam and We both have feelings for each over and I planned on visiting her for the 1st time this summer well then... She got a Boyfriend... and they've been dating for 3 months and I still plan on visiting her. Now she's told me that she loves me but she also loves her Boyfriend.. What do I do? Should I make a move on her While I'm visiting?

[ISneezeFunny]

Wow. These girls... pssh..

To be honest, I would say... to have a talk with her about her fixing her current situation with her boyfriend before you and her doing anything.

However, to be brutally honest, I'd say stay away from her... why would you approach a girl who's currently (emotionally) cheating on her boyfriend? What if you become her boyfriend... then what stops her from doing the same to you?

[theguywithnolife]

I see your point on (emotionally) cheating on her boyfriend... But I don't think she would be like that. And if this helps at all She's just met the guy while I've known her for awile. She's also told me that her BF is having family issues which she helps out on and she's always busy. Truthfully Whenever she mentions her Boyfriend I really get jealous because I can't do anything. I want her to be happy but all the wile I'm being selfish and hope they break up. I was planning on making a move when I visited her but once she told me about her boyfriend sometimes I consider not going because it would be INCREADIBLY Weird. To add to this she'll come to me about advice (actually she comes to me a lot about advice). I usually try to give her advice that helps her in her relationship even though I kind of want it to end. So my question is... Am I doing the right thing?

[ISneezeFunny]

You said that you don't think she would be like that...

... she is currently BEING like that. It matters little how long she's known you... she is in fact still cheating on her boyfriend while telling you that she loves you and she wants to see you.

I'm assuming that you two live far from one another and won't be able to see each other on a regular basis if you two decide to be in a relationship... do you think she won't find some other guy that's closer?

[theguywithnolife]

I know this sounds completely idiotic but if she truly cared then no. It would be a complete miracle and Ever so insane but no... I doubt she realises that she "cheating" on her BF.. should I bring it up with her?. I really don't want to screw up our friendship and I'm afraid she'll get REALLY pissed at me.

[theguywithnolife]

I'm still wondering If I should bring it up with her.

[N0help4u]

Just simply tell her that you don't feel it is a good idea to meet or be anything more than friends because you don't want to complicate her life with her having a boyfriend and you are afraid you might have more feelings than you should for her.

[godsbabygirl267]

Personally, I think you should. If you don't then you'll never know how she really intends to act. Plus, it may unfortunately turn out that once she realizes it, she will have to make a choice. Maybe not the choice you hope for, but nevertheless, a choice indeed.

[theguywithnolife]

=( That's What I'm afraid of

It really kills me inside, Knowthing That I should be happy for her that she's living a happy life and I'm not. Its really depresssing thinking about them 2 having the times of their lives while I'm stuck home everday. I know I shouldn't But I wish They'd break up so I'd have a chance with her. If I to to visit her It'll feel really weird (unless they broke up but I don't see that happening) but if I don't she'll probably never want to talk to me against since she REALLY wants to meet me. So wats the lesser of the 2 evils?

[theguywithnolife]

BUMP!

But forreal.AFter about 2 weeks I finally got a hold of her and I brought up 2 things.

1: The fact that I like her and she has a BF and I asked her how were not going to make this feel weird

2) Emotionally Cheating

I'm actually going to show you the convseration (Even though I really shouldn't) we had so U can give me and in depth answer because I'm REALLLLLLY freaking out right now

ON the thing about cheating here it is


Matthew says:
Isn't that techiniaclly "emotionally" cheating on him?
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
No
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I'm not like... cheating on him at all
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Like...
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
c'mon matt
Matthew says:
No tell me
Matthew says:
I've gotten to this state in paranoia that I really need your input
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I don't know how to explain it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I'm not FORBIDDEN to like another guy
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
As long as I don't act on it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And I love *** more
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Its all right

On the thing that I like her and she has a BF

Matthew says:
How so I say this... I'm been worrying about this for awile but here goes... Obviously I've got feeling for u, I know it you know it frekaing Bush and Chewbacca know it, Saying That and knowing that you have a boyfriend... well... idk.. to me its just going to feel weird.. because your like OOh I 'm give you a kiss and to me being the literal person that I am makes it seem like your cheating on him.Then
Matthew says:
He'll get on my case
Matthew says:
And I'm seriosuly overdramitishing this
Matthew says:
But really
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
I told *** that I do like you
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
As more than a friend
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And he says he's all right with it
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
Because he trusts me
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And I asked him about the kiss
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
And he said it was OK
Matthew says:
But see.. for some reason
Matthew says:
I just..
Matthew says:
Can't believe that
Matthew says:
I don't know why
Matthew says:
Its not u

[ISneezeFunny]

Matt.

Stay. The. f. away. From. This. Girl.

... dude, I just read that and the entire time, in my head, was thinking, " is wrong with this girl...?"

... obviously she cares very little for the fact that you like her, seeing as she's telling her own boyfriend that she likes you, and also she's telling you that she likes her boyfriend more. So in my opinion, she's pulling this crap because she likes your attention, and she is pretty firm on not acting on it. I'm sure the entire time she's talking to you about how you like her, she's thinking "yes...you like me...I like that you like me...but so what?"

Only thing I see happening from this is you getting hurt in the end... either by her because she won't act on it, or by her boyfriend because she actually acted on it.

[Alty]

Hey Guy, could you break down the above a bit, I'm not familiar with chat speak and the way chat rooms work, I'm assuming that's how you guys were communicating, the above is a bit confusing for an old gal like me.

My advice to you, I'd just be her friend. If she has feelings for you then she would already have broken up with her boyfriend, she hasn't. It sounds to me like she's afraid to be alone and that's why she's holding on to her current relationship. She's stringing you along, maybe because she really does care about you, but she realizes that if you two start seeing each other, there will be very little actual "seeing". Her current boyfriend is more convenient for her, he lives close by. She sounds confused, and that's not someone you want a relationship with.

Be her friend and find someone that you can see on a day to day basis. I know that you're a great guy, you have allot to offer, but this girl doesn't seem to have allot to offer back.

You know me, tell it like I see it. I hope my answer doesn't make you sad.

Take care.

[ihatewestseneca]

matt.

stay. the. f. away. from. this. girl.

I second this with a passion... she is obviously messed up.

[talaniman]

Save your money, and be friends, and stay home. The distance will drive you crazy wondering what she is doing, and with whom. If you want a g/f, get someone you can actually see, and date. How would you feel being her b/f right now? I really think she is letting you get your hopes up, but has no intentions of anything coming from this, I also think she is just curious, so save your traveling money, for a real date, with a real female.

[theguywithnolife]

That's the thing, I don't have a life, That why I'm so emotionally attached to her.SHE IS my life

I've lived here for the past 7-8 months and I've done NOTHING. I don't feel like going into details but here's my regular week

Monday-Friday=Wake up, School, Football till probably 6, Home, and maybe Gym
Saturday Sunday=Music Lesson, Home

I'm never leave my house execpt for school. The occasional grocery shopping, my music lesson, and the gym

I'm 15! This shouldn't be happening to me!

[talaniman]

That's the thing, I don't have a life, That why I'm so emotionally attached to her.SHE IS my life

That can change by you getting into clubs, and activities, to not only meet people, and make new friends, both male, and female, but learn new skills, or improve on old ones. Stay active, and busy. Look around to find out what you enjoy.

I'm 15! This shouldn't be happening to me!

Get busy!

[Alty]

I agree with Tal. Guy you have to get up and get out, it's time to take control of your life. Have fun, join a club, meet people in person. You are a great guy. Just go out and have fun, the rest will follow.

[Alan90]

Stay away from her mate. You probably live a while away from her so if things worked out for you and you started dating it would probably mostly long distance stuff and see her occasionally?

Matthew says:
Isn't that techiniaclly "emotionally" cheating on him?
[[Oh Happy Day]] says:
No

Its not going to work if she has that opinion.
You'll only end up getting upset if you have feelings for her.

[N0help4u]

She is your life and she will be your ruin just as Isneeze said,
She is telling her boyfriend that she likes you so either she is going to mess with your head or he will.
You should never depend on somebody else for your life and happiness. Take your money and do something more long term goal oriented so you actually have a life.
She is only going to crash and burn you if you depend on her for happiness.

[Guest17098]

I hate all of you. I'm the girl you have all posted about. And I am NOT going to be his demise... I deserve credit. I love my boyfriend, and I love matt, screw all of you. I'm sorry if I'm not freakin perfect for any of you all right?