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anet · Apr 2, 2008, 04:05 PM

My husband couldn’t stand my Mom. She came to visit us for only 2 months and he couldn’t stand it. He told me that he is not comfortable and he wants to move out. I told him that if he can’t stand my Mom for 2 months, He can leave for good and I won’t regret this.

My point: In the past, three of his brother came and lived with us in different time. I was able to help and take care of them without complaining. One of his brothers stayed with us for more than 2 years and I have never fight or gave him a hard time. I just tried to blend with his family and support them when they needed it. But he couldn’t handle my Mom visitation for a limited time? Come on now! What is wrong with him? What a selfish Man?

By the way my Mom has been very nice and good to him. She also is taking care of our two kids while she staying with us (which saves us some money). He has no reason to hate my Mom to the point he wants to move out. My only worry is that when My mom finds out he is moving out, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or blaming herself for coming or making this her fault. By the way my mom came from overseas, I can’t just tell her to go back. Please tell me that I did the right decision.

N0help4u · Apr 2, 2008, 04:12 PM

I'd tell him to live with it or start packing.
If he doesn't and continues to complain then tell him that NONE of his family is ever welcome there again.
Do you have to tell your mom why he is leaving? If you can just keep it at irreconcilable differences rather than that it was a ''him or her'' thing it might be easier.

ChihuahuaMomma · Apr 2, 2008, 04:14 PM

I agree with nohelp4u, that is just ridiculous. He's being VERY selfish. Have you brought all this up to him? Do you think that there is something more? Maybe something happened to make him feel uncomfortable around her?

justcurious55 · Apr 2, 2008, 04:20 PM

Wow. When I read the first sentence I was thinking "who would want their mother in law to stay with them 2 months? ' but after reading the rest, I would say he is the selfish one and you seem to have the heart of a saint. I wonder, are there any other issues going on? It does seem strange that he would want to move out just because your mother is coming to visit after all the times you've welcomed his side of the family into your home. Could he be using that just as an excuse to cover some other motivation to move out?

ChihuahuaMomma · Apr 2, 2008, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

wow. when i read the first sentence i was thinking "who would want their mother in law to stay with them 2 months?!' but after reading the rest, i would say he is the selfish one and you seem to have the heart of a saint. i wonder, are there any other issues going on? it does seem strange that he would want to move out just because your mother is coming to visit after all the times you've welcomed his side of the family into your home. could he be using that just as an excuse to cover some other motivation to move out?

Good point!

anet · Apr 2, 2008, 06:32 PM

Thanks you guys. I was having this long conversation with my best friend few minutes ago and I was almost confused. She was telling me that this is common. But like I stated above, I let his family stay in the house and he should be a little bit understanding about my mom.
At the beginning he asked me if it is okay to rent a room just for him so he can stay there till my Mom leave. I asked him why? And he said he is not comfortable around her and he needed his privacy and he wanted to study. (He has only 5 weeks left to graduate from college). He said he will pretend as if he is leaving in the house in front of my Mom and when he needed his time, he can still have his place. I was very mad with the question. I felt like he hated my Mom for no reason. I asked him if there is anything going on? If she said something bad to him or anything. He said no. Then I told him that if he wants to rent a room, he can, but he should rent it for the rest of his life. This happened two days ago, and today he told me that he is moving out. I told him go ahead. Like you guys said, it might be another reason to this, but nothing that I know of. And since I haven't done anything, I will just watch and see what will happen. I haven't told my Mom, but I started to have a feeling that she may take it easy. I will see…

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2008, 06:45 PM

I guess I will go against the flow, just because you were OK with his relations, does not mean he has to be OK with yours, you could have and did have a right to say no at any time before.

So you were nice and let his stay, but that does not mean that he has to OK yours staying, *** really I know it means he should but one OK does not mean the other OK is automatic. You should have asked him and talked to him before she came to stay. If he said no, she should not have came to stay,

I would say you and he must have other issues that this is being centered on, since you should not be willing to divorce over your mom staying 2 months either, so if you are willing for him to go, there must be a lot of other problems already that this is just bringing to a point.

anet · Apr 2, 2008, 07:03 PM

You right. It is not like we had a perfect marriage and all of the sudden we breaking up because of my Mom. We had our ups and downs but we both were committed to make it work. I felt like I was too committed since I was the one who always tried so hard to make it work. But this situation makes me realize how he is so self centered and since I do love my Mom more than anything in this world, I just want to let this go by.
Remember, It is not that I kicked him out of the house, it is his decision. Also, please know I have already asked him if it is okay for her to come. Her visit is not a total surprise.
I just understood that life is not up to us, you know! I don't expect you to understand me, because it is so deeper than just saying it. But sometimes when thing just happens out of nowhere, we have to accept it just the way it is. Believe me, if it was up to me, this wouldn't happen.. but my life is not up to me, I just learn this today. WoW!

talaniman · Apr 2, 2008, 07:04 PM

Maybe its school, maybe not. Whatever it is he is a jerk for not supporting you, as you have supported him. How often do you get to see your own mom? Not nearly enough, and if he can't hang in, and let you enjoy yourself, then he has a problem, not you or your mom.

justcurious55 · Apr 2, 2008, 11:53 PM

Well, to some degree your life is up to you. Because right now you are making a choice. Open your house to your mother for a bit. Or keep the self-centered husband around. I'd pick your mom too :) I hope everything works out for you. I really do think you made the right choice. Enjoy your time with your mom. If he wants to go off and pout then let him.

talaniman · Apr 3, 2008, 04:52 AM

He made his bed, and its not at home, let him lay in it. His choice. Have big fun with your mom, and cherish the time spent.

ldyastrid · Apr 3, 2008, 08:53 AM

When you marry - it's not only that the parents get a daughter/son, it's the wife/husband gets another family as well. You embraced that - supported your husbands family as your own, it's not too much to expect the same from your husband. You discussed this before she came and he was OK with it - perhaps it's now he has to "share" you with your mom and he doesn't like it - too bad/so sad! As talaniman said... cherish the time spent with your mom - you and she deserves this time together.

Not to mention you are saving day care costs with your mother's visit! Knowing how much that costs... GOOD GRIEF! He hasn't been treated badly by her, she hasn't said anything to upset him or acted badly around him - there are benefits to her visit... he just doesn't want her around - what an !

There's going to come a time when she CAN'T come see you and you will miss time with her - if he's this controlling now, and you allow it, it will only get worse in the future. He's basically asked you to choose between him and your mother - you made a choice when you married to accept him and his family - he also made that choice - and the only way to take it back / change his mind is to move out... SEE YA! Don't let the door hit you too hard on your way out!

anet · Apr 3, 2008, 06:24 PM

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it.

oneguyinohio · Apr 3, 2008, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by anet

But this situation makes me realize how he is so self centered

I undertand you completely, as I had an ex- exactly the same way. Her family was better than mine in her eyes, and mine were the scum of the earth.

Your post tells me a lot more about you than you may realize, as I believe I may have lived through very similar situations.

You're wiser than I was in that you are not willing to accept his attitude toward your family. My ex- was so downright rude to my family at times that it was embarrassing for me. Be glad that you have a backbone and know when to say enough is enough! Instead of making excuses for him, I think you did the right thing, no matter how difficult.

I wish you the best.

nanuchini · Feb 7, 2012, 02:55 PM

How you are with his mom? If you are nice he need to be nice other wise no way his mom came come. My hubby was same my mom -dad never able to visit and stay with us because his mom was always with us but we are Indian and it is common. Finally I removed his mom. But it took me 20 years and now I told divorce or your mom out and I run aways . Now finally at age 45 I got my family. When I remember those days I still cry. We both are medical people great house .beutiful kids and my parents never visited because one time five days and he made it last visit for them.I am crying while I am typing this.