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danni07 · Apr 1, 2008, 01:34 AM

Help!
I have been with my boyfriend for 17months now and he still doest love me but says he 'cares' for me! He treats me good and everything. He knows all the girly romantic things I like but he neva tries to do them for me, whilst my best friend (who is a guy) does all these things for me. He doesn't say he cares for me, unless I ask him to. Which I should not have to do. I mean if you was with someone for 17months and they did not love you... would you wait?:confused: :confused:

ihatewestseneca · Apr 1, 2008, 01:41 AM

How old are you?

JBeaucaire · Apr 1, 2008, 03:14 AM

Age is important because it adjusts the way and the form of our suggested answers.

danni07 · Apr 1, 2008, 04:41 AM

Im 21 and he is 23 now!

nickshehe · Apr 1, 2008, 05:47 AM

I usually go all out on a girl I like in the beginning.. but gradually when the relationship progresses it inevitably gets less and less as things kind of balance out. He probably feels comfortable with you so he doesn't feel the need to do all those things.
One of the main reasons I gradually stop trying to be romantic e.t.c e.t.c is because I see there's no return on it - so maybe you should try and spark life into the relationship by doing something nice for him.. then wait and see if there is a response to that..
Considering love, I was about to go to university and I know this sounds wrong but I liked the girl I was with but had no intention on going to university with a girlfriend (for obvious reasons). When I first went I was very distant and she kept making an effort to stay together.. I really just wanted her to dump me but she didn't she kept trying and in the end she won me over.. I grew to love her in time and 9 months later she dumped me.(kind of funny how that works heh)..
17 months with a person is a long time none-the-less.. I'm sure if he's with you he must feel something unless he's just laid back and see's you as a time slot you could fill when he's feeling bored - but I doubt it..
Maybe he has difficulty expressing his emotions so you shouldn't push him.. If he's 23 the chances are he's been through heartbreak before so he's holding his cards to his chest..
Don't be needy and pushy with him - I know sometimes you need reassurance and you need to hear those words, but actions are always more important.

Sarah48375 · Apr 1, 2008, 06:44 AM

I think saying I love you is important, but to be honest, you should know. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We don't tell each other we love each other, but I know he loves me. He doesn't do a bunch of romantic stuff, but if I need him's there. Do you think he loves you?

Your boyfriend may figure that if your best friend is doing all the romantic stuff for you, why should he. He may not want to compete, or he may think he's off the hook.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Apr 1, 2008, 07:22 AM

Maybe your boyfriend isn't ready to love. With love comes a lot of things some people aren't ready for. BUT I think that by after 17 months of being with you that he feels something for you a little more than caring.

talaniman · Apr 1, 2008, 08:08 AM

If the actions say "love" the words are not necessary.
If the words say "love", and the actions don't, then its time to go!

mafiaangel180 · Apr 1, 2008, 08:18 AM

Yep, I agree with Tal.

Also, don't compare him to your guy best friend. Many people have different ways of saying "I love you."

But since he says he doesn't love you... give him space and move on. Do not contact him. This gives the both of you time to re-evaluate the situation.

danni07 · Apr 1, 2008, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by Sarah48375

I think saying I love you is important, but to be honest, you should know. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We don't tell each other we love each other, but I know he loves me. He doesn't do a bunch of romantic stuff, but if I need him's there. Do you think he loves you?

Your boyfriend may figure that if your best friend is doing all the romantic stuff for you, why should he. He may not want to compete, or he may think he's off the hook.

I asked him if he loved me and he said No, I no that he doesn't! He doesn't no that my best friend does these things. Which is leading me to want to be with my best friend more. X

danni07 · Apr 1, 2008, 08:55 AM

Thanks everyone for your answers they really helped and given me an idea of what I'm going to do! Xxx

Sarah48375 · Apr 1, 2008, 09:04 AM

I don't blame you for wanting to be with the best friend. If your boyfriend is not what you need... Move On. You are only 21. You can wait for you're boyfriend to love you, but you may be waiting a long time. Do you think he'll ever love you? Do you have a good relationship other than this?

danni07 · Apr 1, 2008, 09:12 AM

Personally I don't think he will, I think if I give him space without me, he may realise that he either loves me or deffinectly doesn't. Other than this the relationship is OK, but I think we both need our own space for abit. At the beginning it was him all over me but now its reversed. Yea he treats me good. When he's away for a while I say 'i miss you' I ask him if he does and he says 'No'. He keeps saying he needs his own space, I give it him, then he calls me to come round. Im going to stop all that now. I no love isn't everything but I think everyone wants to be loved.

Sarah48375 · Apr 1, 2008, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by danni07

Im going to stop all that now. I no love aint everything but i think everyone wanst to be loved.

You deserve to be loved.

Originally Posted by danni07

When he's away 4 a while i say 'i miss you' i ask him if he does and he says 'No'.

This is just mean... It sounds like he is trying to hurt or push you away. I'd move on.

danni07 · Apr 14, 2008, 04:48 AM

Thanks for all y'all comments, all very helpful

xblondyx · Apr 14, 2008, 05:25 AM

Maybe, he's afraid of love? He may have had problems in the past with love or has commitment issues or something?

JuliaK · Apr 14, 2008, 05:30 AM

Its funny how so many people end up in these situations. Same thing with me.. My ex and I were together for about a year and he said he "cared" about me but didn't love me. This really hurts especially when you love someone so much. He also only said he missed me like once or twice in our whole relationship! But honestly I do think that actions speak louder than words I mean some guys just don't like to talk about that kind of thing they think its "weak" or whatever.. But we are not together anymore so that's my story.. I hope your situation is different but you do deserve to be loved.. and I think love is important!Without it what's the point of having a relationship...