[starbuck8]

Thanks for the suggestion of the Medic Alert Necklace. I never thought of that. That would be a good idea even if I wasn't scared of my ex coming here, with my klutzy A$$. I went to the salon yesterday to get my hair done, and I had a towel over my head when I was asked to go over to the sink. I got up and caught my boot on the foot rest on the salon chair, and fell headfirst onto my knees on the ceramic tile. :S By the time I got home my knee had swollen to the size of a football. I went to the ER and I have a cracked kneecap, so now I can't even move around to quickly if I need too. Pretty clumsy eh?! lol

I thought I was just going to give up on the civil part of it, just because I'm so tired of thinking about the whole mess, but I think you guys may have convinced me to go forward with it. He does need to have some repercussions, even if a judge in criminal court won't give him any! I think I will get in touch with Victims Asst again and ask them just how to proceed with that.

Thanks again guys!

[fde]

Good Girl!! Hope you stay strong and give him what he should have coming to him.
Hope you feel better.

[littlebear91]

"And if she kills him she "only" gets 10 years in jail? Not very helpful advice all the way around."
In regards to that quote, If you don't believe me, in 2003 I believe, 2 students in Great Lakes College of Canada killed the owner and they received 5 years. Even the jail guard said that they were nice people and they cook excellent food in the kitchen. This is on the news.

But Move away is only a good option if You could Never see him again, if you want to do that, change everything, your cellphone number, address, possibly name so that he can't search for you. But that only proves that criminals get away with their crimes.

[starbuck8]

"And if she kills him she "only" gets 10 years in jail? Not very helpful advice all the way around."
In regards to that quote, If you don't believe me, in 2003 I believe, 2 students in Great Lakes College of Canada killed the owner and they received 5 years. Even the jail guard said that they were nice people and they cook excellent food in the kitchen. This is on the news.

But Move away is only a good option if You could Never see him again, if you want to do that, change everything, your cellphone number, address, possibly name so that he can't search for you. But that only proves that criminals get away with their crimes.

I am going to fight for my rights. I just wish I had more help from the people on the legal side of this. I do know what you mean. About 2 yrs ago where I live, a 14 yr old girl and her 22 yr old boyfriend, killed the girls parents and her little brother. They tortured them first, and also cut their bodies into pieces. (sorry for being so graphic) The guy hasn't gone to trial yet, but the girl only got 10 yrs. But, off that she gets 2 yrs off her sentence for time served, and she will likely only serve a third of the remaining 8 yrs. So when you do the math, she will only be in jail for another 2 and a half yrs or so. Isn't that nice eh? There are people that are being sympathic towards her because she was young and they say the boyfriend influenced her. What a crock! 3 people are dead, including a 6 yr old child!
The prosecutor who is handling my case, is the same one that is handling their cases... so that just tells you what my ex is going to get for merely breaking my ribs and cheekbone!
Something has to happen with our justice system. It's out of control, and regular law abiding citizens have no rights... only the criminals rights are protected.

[JudyKayTee]

I am going to fight for my rights. I just wish I had more help from the people on the legal side of this. I do know what you mean. About 2 yrs ago where I live, a 14 yr old girl and her 22 yr old boyfriend, killed the girls parents and her little brother. They tortured them first, and also cut their bodies into pieces. (sorry for being so graphic) The guy hasn't gone to trial yet, but the girl only got 10 yrs. But, off of that she gets 2 yrs off her sentence for time served, and she will likely only serve a third of the remaining 8 yrs. So when you do the math, she will only be in jail for another 2 and a half yrs or so. Isn't that nice eh? There are people that are being sympathic towards her because she was young and they say the boyfriend influenced her. What a crock!! 3 people are dead, including a 6 yr old child!
The prosecutor who is handling my case, is the same one that is handling their cases...so that just tells you what my ex is gonna get for merely breaking my ribs and cheekbone!
Something has to happen with our justice system. It's out of control, and regular law abiding citizens have no rights...only the criminals rights are protected.

Sure - what other help are you looking for? I know the legal system is not equitable; you can get more time for possession than murdering someone; all of that; but what is it that you are looking for here?

I also think you are comparing apples to oranges here, completely different cases - but, yes, I know what you mean -

Did you get one of those medic alert necklaces? Has he been leaving you alone?

Does the prosecutor give you any inkling what the outcome may be (sometimes they just plain don't know)?

[starbuck8]

Sure - what other help are you looking for? I know the legal system is not equitable; you can get more time for possession than murdering someone; all of that; but what is it that you are looking for here?

I also think you are comparing apples to oranges here, completely different cases - but, yes, I know what you mean -

Did you get one of those medic alert necklaces? Has he been leaving you alone?

Does the prosecutor give you any inkling what the outcome may be (sometimes they just plain don't know)?

What I originally came on here for, was to see if anyone had another way of doing things that really haven't seemed to work so far for me, as far as the legal system and the people involved (police and prosecutor) go. I keep on thinking there must be more I can do to get a better outcome. I have never had any dealings with the police or the court system before this. I can not get any of these people to return my calls. My last conversation with the prosecutor was last summer. It really doesn't seem like she wants to put up a fight for me, and I thought that was what they were there for!! She told me to expect a slap on the wrist for him, and possibly a small fine. She instructed me to call the police whenever my ex breaks a condition of his order, but they don't do anything about it when I do. So, I just thought if I put this out there, there might be someone that was in a similar situation and knew a better way to get results.

I, in no way, wanted to suggest that I was comparing my situation to that of the murdered family! That of course was an entirely different situation, and a horrible one. I was just responding to littlebear as to the length of sentences handed down, and all I meant was that if that girl got so little for killing her family... what could I possibly expect!! I guess bottom line is, that I never expected to encounter such unfairness and lack of concern from the one's we trust to serve and protect.

I have checked into the medic alert necklace, and I do appreciate all of the advice I got on things I can do to ensure my own safety. He hasn't been bothering me lately, and with any luck it will stay that way, but I still have to keep my eyes and ears open because I know him.

I never intended to come on here and expect someone to solve my problems. Just had a hope that someone might know something that would make me say... wow! why didn't I think of doing that. I think this site is helpful, just for that reason!

[starbuck8]

Well, my court date is now coming up next week. The middle of the night phone calls and the vandalism to my vehicle had stopped for quite some time. Coincidentally, both have started up again just recently. The middle of the night calls from blocked #'s and phone booths. (that the cops won't trace) Then the battery cables in my van were clean cut lastweek. (suggesting it was planned again) When I called the cops, all they did was fill out my statement. No fingerprint taking (not a big crime to them I guess) no investigation... nothing! The cop even questioned ME because he said he smelled beer on my breath. (I had 2 beer with my neighbor while waiting 2 and a half hrs for the cop to show up) Maybe he thought I was drunk and vandalised my "own" vehicle? And I don't believe it is illegal for me to have a few beer with a neighbor. (He said it was because he didn't want to take a statement about the vandalism if I had been drinking)

I got a call from the Prosecutors office lastweek to come in for a court prep meeting. Now they have changed prosecutors on me for the 4th time! So of course I had to explain the whole scenario about my relationship with my ex and the whole assault again. (apparently none of the others keep good notes) The new guy is a total "by the book" jerk! He didn't want to hear anything I had to say... only wanted to tell me that my ex's "free" lawyer (whom he got to choose) is going to try and disprove everything I have to say. My lawyer didn't want to hear anything about my ex's character, our relationship, or anything about him, including the fact that HE was the one that was VERY drunk the night in question, and I have since learned he does drugs too. My ex is completely denying the assault, and says I am making this whole thing up. Since there are no witnesses, (of course not, he forced his way into my home at about 4am) my ex has written in his statement that I fell and broke my own ribs and cheekbone! I wonder how hard I would have to fall in my own home to break my ribs on one side and cheekbone on the other? Maybe I enjoy running into walls as a hobby?!

You would 'think' that story wouldn't fly with any judge, but the prosecutor seems to think that because the night that this happened (Dec 21/06) I had just returned home from a C'mas party where I had a "few" drinks, (Gee, what are the chances?)and that I maybe I just "did" fall on my own! If I would have known that it was going to come down to this, I could've gotten a copy of my bar tab, which I remember being around $18 at over $3 a drink, in about a 4 hr period. I was also home for at least an hr and had already had something to eat before my ex showed up.

Now I don't even have any trust in my own damn lawyer... and because of his total lack of interest in my case, that has taken 15 months to even get to trial, he has told me that the sentence, IF FOUND GUILTY, (which he doesn't seem too confident in)
Is anywhere from a small fine, to probabation, to 1 yr in jail (ha) The prosecutor seems to think it will be more on the side of the 'small fine'!

I'm not allowed to mention any of the things that have happened with my vehicle or the phone calls, to the judge because it can't be proven it was my ex, because of course the cops didn't have the time to investigate. I can't testify that my ex has been telling everyone who will listen that I'm just a "crazy b", and I was told that I shouldn't even bring up the emotional and mental anguish that I've had to endure since this happened.

I just had to vent you guys again... I'm at my wits end with all of this. I have never had anything more than a speeding ticket, and even that was probably more than 10 yrs ago. I have never been in a courtroom in my life. A few people have offered to come to court with me, but I just feel so damned embarrassed that I was stupid enough to be with that 'man?' for so long. I've always been somewhat of a private person and I hate all the dirty laundry to be laid out in front of all to see!

I'd appreciate any advice again that any of you guys might have to help me get through this! I'm trying to keep my mind on other things, but I'm a wreck inside! I've been having anxiety/panic attacks to the point where I fainted the other day. I can't sleep and I haven't got much of an appetite either. Because of some of the meds that I'm on for high bp, and other medical probs and pain killers for my hip, my Dr. won't give me any anti depresant or anti anxiety medication. I'm afraid I'm going to be in the middle of questioning in court and I'm going to pass out!

[Fr_Chuck]

No, civil and criminal are two completely separate, in fact if you wait too long you may not even be able to file.

In the civil it does help some if he has been convicted, but you can still sue even if he was found not guilty, the level of guilt is different in civil court over criminal.

[mtaveras]

My brothers wife has accused him of hitting her and he didn't hit her, but she had him arrested anyway. In Maryland they have charged him with felony2. HIs 7year old daughter told him that her new boyfriend smacked her around and that is why her face was swollen. But his lawyer told him that his daughter cannot tesify because she is a minor. How the heck are you supposed to prove your innocence. He has no criminal record what so ever. Do you think he will serve time in jail even if he has no previous record?

Thanks

Maria

[starbuck8]

No, civil and criminal are two completely seperate, in fact if you wait too long you may not even be able to file.

In the civil it does help some if he has been convicted, but you can still sue even if he was found not guilty, the level of guilt is different in civil court over criminal.

Thanks Chuck,

I do realise that they are two totally different things between the criminal and civil cases. I have checked into how long I have to file in civil court. I wanted to wait until after the criminal trial before going fourth with the civil so maybe I would have more evidence to bring from the criminal trial. I'm just not very confident that I'm going to come out on top now. I didn't want to go on and on anymore in my post, but it's shocking to me how little interest the crown prosecutor seems to have in my case. They just keep shoving me from one prosecutor to another, and the new guy seems to be a bit of a chauvenist, in my opinion. He even asked me if I was possibly lying about the assault just to get back at my ex! The cop saw everything when he came, but I don't know how well he made out his report since they don't seem to be of much help with any of the other things I've reported since, and after all it was 15 months ago. I think that is the strategy of the accused and the defence lawyer, in order to try and get me to the point where they can confuse me with their questions.

I do appreciate your help and thank you! Hopefully I'm totally wrong and the judge will throw the book at him. ;)

[starbuck8]

Just another note:

I thought my medical records would be my saving grace, but the prosecutor told me that he doesn't know who my judge will be, and it depends on the judge to decide just how severe he finds my injuries to be. I guess some don't see injuries like that as anything too serious :O I was also told that even if the judge 100% percent believes my testimony, and disbelieves my ex's, even one little shred of doubt that the defence can put in the judges mind will have my ex acquitted.

Ps. Maria, you have to create your own question under the topic you are asking about (law) You will get more answers that way ;)

[Alty]

My Dear Star - When you posted on my thread you said that you were going through something right now, so I decided to check your other posts, and here I am.

I don't know what advice to give you. I live in Canada too, but I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this. It's appalling that this guy can do what he wants and the police and prosecutors don't seem to care. What is this world coming to, or has is always been like this and I just wanted to believe differently?

Honey, my thoughts are with you. I also live in AB, so if you ever need a friend, or a couch to sleep on, then say the word. Bring your dog, he/she can play with mine. I don't make offers like this lightly, I can tell that you are a good person, a kind, caring, loving, person, and I am more than willing to open up my home to you whenever you need it. Just call first so I can clean. Okay?

Until then, take care, hold your head up, and do what you have to do. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this will, and already has, made you a stronger person. And I also agree with Ex-Cons advice, don't kill, just injure, after all, you know you won't get charged for it,he isn't.

[starbuck8]

Dear Alt,

What a beautiful loving gesture to make. Not many people would trust a complete stranger like that. I'm so touched! :) Thank you!! I'll write you a p/m to tell you what city I live in. Wouldn't it be weird if it were the same one?!

Just an update for you and everyone else who gave me advice and well wishes along the way. We went to court this past Tues. I hadn't talked to or seen the prosecutor before I got there, although I left dozens of messages for him.

I didn't even get the opportunity to testify, because before I had even gotten there, the prosecutor had offered a plea deal to the defence councel. He told me in order for my ex to get a more severe chrg than he offered in the plea, as in jail time or probation, that the judge would have to find my injuries terribly severe. (WHAT?. maybe a coma or on a respirator? ) So my ex accepted the plea bargain. (of course) I didn't have any say whatsoever because it was offered before I even got there and I was there well ahead of time because I had a whole list of questions to ask the prosecutor.

So, my ex ended up walking away with a chrg reduced from assault w/dangerous weapon causing bodily injury, to common assault. He got a whopping $500 fine :0, the no-contact order (not even restraining order) for another yr. and a 1yr peace bond. Whoopieee! I, just like you Alt, have never had to deal with anything like this before (not in the courts anyway) and wouldn't have thought it would go this way with the police and the (in) justice system. Just a few weeks ago I had to call the cops because someone cut the battery wires in my vehicle, and the cops wouldn't even take prints. Go figure.

I guess my only sense of comfort as far as his 'sentence' goes, are the ripple effect things that he will have to face because he now has a criminal record. (well he had one before, but they obviously don't take DUI's that seriously either) His kids are all back in England now, as well as the rest of his family. He won't be able to get a passport to travel there or anywhere out of Canada and his 2 daughters both have weddings coming up soon. Although I feel bad for the girls, he should have thought about that before he assaulted me. I however WILL be traveling to England this summer to go on a cruise compliments of HIS sister. (a c'mas gift because she wants in some way to make up for her brothers stupidity, and also to celebrate our b'days :) ) I will also be there for one of the girls weddings.

There will be more repercussions too. One being the g/f he has now and having to wake up to THAT every morning, lol It's a scary sight, believe me, ;) I also have one more trick up my sleeve that will not be pleasant at all for him, and safer for me. It's not about revenge, (well maybe a little ;)) it's about getting the justice I couldn't get through the courts.

As far as my safety goes, I have taken every measure within my means to protect myself. My parents are snowbirds, and they come home in about a month. They live out of town at a very pretty lakeside community, so I can go there if I start to feel really unsafe again.

I thank you all for all of your help, and Alt, thanks again for your very heartfelt and kind offer. I just might take you up on that! :)

Hugs all!

[starbuck8]

Oh, just one more note. I got an email from my Dad the other day that said if someone is worried about their safety and don't have a home alarm, keep your car alarm remote near at all times, and test it out to make sure it works from inside your home. Take it to bed with you so you have it right there. If you hear someone trying to break in, or God forbid someone is already in, or any other trouble you may be in, press your panic button.

Just thought I would pass that on. Might just save someone!

[starbuck8]

To JudyKayTee,

Yes I did, and thank you for recommending that. :)