[micheletina3]

My 17 yr old son's x-girl friend is pregnant. ( she is 15 ) Her parents insist that she give the baby up for adoption. But my son wants to take responsibility of his child and keep the baby.
The mother is even threatening us saying that if we pursue in keeping the child she will have my son arrested for statutory rape. (which she cannot do anyway, because he is not 18)
Im afraid that she will try to do an adoption behind our backs.
What are my sons rights? Please help.

[bushg]

I would not use the "he's not 18 " unless I had checked out my facts. Some states try children as adults that are much younger than 17... so I would check my state laws.
Hire an attorney to send them a certified letter with your intentions on it. Without this child being born and proof that he is the father I would think this would be your best bet.

[N0help4u]

What state do you live in?

[Synnen]

Get a lawyer.

There are actually steps you CAN take before the child is born to prevent them from smuggling the baby away to adoption without your son signing away HIS rights, too. One is to file... I'm blanking on the correct term here... but basically file with the courts that he is claiming to be the father of her child and that his paternal rights matter to him.

LEGALLY an adoption can not go through without BOTH birthparents signing away their parental rights, but unfortunately many young women get around this by lying and saying they don't know who the father was -- and this is ENCOURAGED by adoption agencies.

You will seriously need a lawyer. It will be worth the expense.

[twinkiedooter]

Your son sounds all noble and swell at this point about wanting to keep the child not yet born. There are ways to keep the child as mentioned above. But the real $64,000 question here is just how is he going to do this financially? Will it be alone or with you and your husband's help raising the child? Your son has to remember that raising a child is a lifetime commitment - not a toy to be discarded after he sees it is too much responsibility to handle - emotionally, physically and financially. What is his true purpose for wanting to keep the child? I certainly hope that he is mature way beyond his years of 17 in his thinking and emotional state. I feel that you need to speak with your pastor about this situation or someone who can properly assess this situation who is not related to your family. There can be adoptions made where the natural father may be permitted to see and interact with the child when it's growing up. That might be a better course for your young son right now. Raising children alone or even with family is a very very mature undertaking. Don't discount the girls parents for wanting to do what they consider to be the right thing in their eyes. They can understand how immature their girl is and probably have come to the decision of adoption being the best recourse for the situation. I know this is not a legal opinion I am giving, it's my own opinion. I would ask you to reconsider having the child given up for adoption. There are many wonderful couples out there that would give your son's child a wonderful, loving home. Your son could be part of the picture if possible without taking on the full responsibility of raising the child alone. Talk to an attorney about this kind of adoption. There are many couples willing to have this kind of arrangement in adoptions.

[JudyKayTee]

My 17 yr old son's x-girl friend is pregnant. ( she is 15 ) Her parents insist that she give the baby up for adoption. But my son wants to take responsibility of his child and keep the baby.
The mother is even threatening us saying that if we persue in keeping the child she will have my son arrested for statutory rape. (which she cannot do anyway, b/c he is not 18)
Im afraid that she will try to do an adoption behind our backs.
What are my sons rights?? Please help.

I wouldn't use the "she cannot do anyway, he is not 18" argument because In most jurisdictions you are right - he cannot be arrested for statutory rape. He CAN be arrested for criminal sexual assault or criminal sexual misconduct.

If you son can prove to the Court that he can provide for the child - financially, emotionally - he may have a chance at custody. However, the Court - at least in NYS - will look at the circumstances of a 17 year old having unprotected sex with a 15 year old and could question his level of maturity and responsibility.

Here's what the experts say: "An unwed father has no absolute right to veto an adoption, but must take action to preserve his right to veto an adoption. Whether mom is considering adoption or not, you should, as soon as possible, preferably before the birth, (1) formally acknowledge paternity, (2) give the mother reasonable and consistent economic support (like paying her medical and child care bills, and sending her money), (3) regularly visit and communicate with the mother and the child, and (4) sign the relevant putative father registries. Being present at the birth and signing the birth certificate also helps. Consult the National Directory of Putative Father registries to locate your state's registry. Before the birth, consult an attorney experienced in adoption about preserving your parental rights."

Contact an Attorney now.

[N0help4u]

I agree with Judy and if you are willing to stand up for your son and even possibly offer adopting the baby yourself I think that may help considering you would be more stable all the way around.

[Synnen]

I agree with Judy and if you are willing to stand up for your son and even possibly offer adopting the baby yourself I think that may help considering you would be more stable all the way around.

I can think of NOTHING worse than that same offer I got from MY parents when I was deciding what to do with MY pregnancy. My mom offered to adopt and raise the baby herself.

That would have been HORRIBLE!

If he is financially stable (or at LEAST as financially stable as so many of these young girls that decide to keep THEIR babies--in other words, that he can do it with help from his parents), why shouldn't he keep and raise his child?

It sounds like a decision has been made by BOTH sides of this situation, with NO ONE doing any research into adoption, raising a child, whatever.

And really--while supporting your child is a great thing, and helping them make decisions is inherent to being a parent--the grandparents of this baby should keep their noses out of it. This is a decision that needs to be made by the PARENTS of that baby, even though the decision will affect the grandparents.

I would NEVER counsel someone to choose adoption without being privy to ALL of the circumstances involved, just like I would never counsel someone to parent or choose abortion without knowing all of the details of the situation.

The emotional reprecussions of adoption are much like those of mourning a death--only, you never get to quite close off the mourning, because every time you get a letter, have a visit, whatever--it gives you peace of mind about the welfare of your child, but points out again your own personal loss.

The idea of my parents raising MY child, in place of me, or even worse---my EX boyfriend's parents--god, why not just rub some salt and lemon juice in the already open wounds?

[N0help4u]

Being privy to all the options is important that is why I was wondering how the fathers parents would best fit in here. It sounds like they are the ones that don't want to lose the baby to adoption to strangers.
I think if I were the son I would be looking at the best what ever it takes to legally to get my kid approach rather being than it being something horrible on my parents part.

As a daughter and your mother I can understand what you are saying but for a dad that could have a hard time with the court as it is I would be privy to the options.

I guess as a grandma to be I just see it different.