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zooropa1985 · Mar 28, 2008, 10:17 AM

Hey guys, well here's the deal, me and my girl have been going out for 5 months now, at the start everything was great and things were good.

Now my girl has this friend, who is a girl by the way lol, who lives very close to each other, I mean a few houses down. Basically this friend started going out with a guy she has known for nine years now and who used to hang in our group.

The problem is that ever since they got together around 2 months ago my girl hasn't left them alone. Every time I travel to her house to spend some alone time with her she drags me off to her friends house to spend all night with them two.

I honestly can't remember the last time we have had a Saturday night together and every time I suggest we do something as a couple she says yes until her friend calls and then we end up hanging out with them.

Now she even blows me out for her friend telling me if her friend asks to see her first then she "cant just dump her for me".

I've tried talking to her about it but she says I should lighten up. I'm not asking for her not to see her friend but all I want is some alone time with my girl.

What should I do?

JBeaucaire · Mar 28, 2008, 10:24 AM

For the most part, you accept it. You are dating a social butterfly and that is who she would be if you were to get married. You practice enjoying what it means to date someone like this. You just do it.

Now, on the other side of the coin, you accept the work required to get some "alone" time. The only way you get that is by having ACTUAL SPECIFIC plans on specific days that don't include anyone. Something you bought tickets to, or made reservations for... etc.

You talk to the "friends" about special days coming up and ask them to help you implement those days since you know she might try to plan something with them on those day(s). Tell them to be unavailable on that day to help you out.

zooropa1985 · Mar 28, 2008, 10:28 AM

I've tried but she says no, its like she's doesn't care what I want. She's even blown me out tonight for her friend and another problem is that her friend thinks I've got no right to be annoyed at not getting to see my girlfriend.

JBeaucaire · Mar 28, 2008, 10:42 AM

So other than your like/love for this girl (which is your heart doing what it wants, you have no control over that), what exactly is the reason your mind tells you to stay around and put up this? What are you accomplishing exactly?

zooropa1985 · Mar 28, 2008, 10:58 AM

I've tried to break it off but every time she cries and tells me she needs me and says she will compromise but then a few days later its back to the same old thing.

Do you really think I should end it for good?

JBeaucaire · Mar 28, 2008, 11:44 AM

I think YOU think you should move on and she's just hooking you back in every time. That's just you having no backbone with her.

How about this: "If you can't spend less time with them than I need, I definitely am not going to stop you. You should feel free to go there as much as you need. But know that I'm not going to hang with them more than once a week. More than that you're going without me, and when you're there I will feel free to do as I want that night, including other dates. I believe that's fair and let's us both be together as long as we're together."

This puts her in control of whether you two are together one night or out on separate dates... her with her friends, and you with yours.

But to be completely honest, breaking up with someone, if that's really what you decide is best, is not a two-way thing. You're not asking for her permission. You're telling her that you enjoy SOME of your time together, but you're also going to start dating other people, too. If she's OK with that, then fine, but if not, oh well, you're going to do it and you've told her.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2008, 01:10 PM

Well Zoo, if you keep going along with her plan, and do nothing to change it, its not her fault. I know you have tried, but she is not willing to co operate, or compromise. This isn't an equal relationship, and you have to take the steps to change that dynamic. You could start by not going along with her program, Just say no, and excuse yourself. Your going along, is all the permission she needs, to keep doing what she's doing. Me, I find someone who likes to date me, and puts her friend s second.