[scaredgal]

I apologize for the length of this but there is so much history it is hard to summarize please bear with me.

I am currently being taken to court for child support. It is in regards to my 2 oldest children who will be 12 and 10 this summer. They have been living with my ex husband since sept of 1999. They went to live with him because I became homeless and went through a deep depression after he left me for a 18 year old named Anna he met at work. We agreed to temporary physical custody and joint legal until I got my life stabilized enough alone to take them back. It was understood in the agreement that it was a temporary situation. I went on to have another child in 2000 who suffers from ADD with autistic tendencies. He has always lived with me. I never received any funds or support of any kind from his biological father.
He went on to marry her the following spring and we battled continuously for my visitation rights. I had remarried and moved from Roanoke to Virginia Beach with the understanding that my visits would continue as every other weekend. He did not want me to take them to Virginia Beach for my visits and avoided my phone calls, letters and made every excuse not to let me see them on my days. She contracted cancer during this time and he sued me for child support. I agreed to 200 a month at that time.

My husband at the time cheated on me and left us. A check I had written to my ex husband to pay up all my child support that I had been behind on in the past few months due to a car accident making employment difficult bounced because when my husband at the time left us, he cleared out our accounts. I didn't know at the time I could sue him for that because he was the primary wage earner and had his stuff direct deposited.
I went to Roanoke the weekend following my ex husband letting me know it bounced to try and make some arrangements to pay it back to him and see my kids for christmas. When I arrived at his house I discovered he had moved. That was approximately October of 2001.

I was unable to locate my ex husband and my children until June of 2005 when one of my relatives heard from a friend that he was employed at the Famous Anthony's . I called him immediately and asked where and how my children are. He said they were great and that he would call me back the following day at his home because he was unable to talk to me at work. He did state in that call that Anna now his ex wife had divorced him because he cheated on her also and that she still had the same phone number that she used to have years ago. He would not give it to me again and with all the years I do not remember it. I never tried to call that number after they disappeared because I assumed if he went to all the trouble to steal my children he wouldn't have kept the number. I know that was stupid on my part.
Any attempts to recontact him at that location have just been a brick wall. I didn't hear anything else until I received a letter from child support enforcement last week telling me I owe arrears to Anna because she became their legal guardian around May of last year. I called and the agent told me it was stated to the courts that they had no way of finding me.
That is a lie. My mom has lived in the same apartment with the same number for the past 3 years. My grandfather lived in the same house in Vinton for about 45 years until 2004. My father, 5 uncles and 2 cousins all work for Schwerman Trucking Company and have for 30 yrs. My ex husband is well aware of the numbers and address for all of these places and people. It was just plain cruelty on their part to grant a woman he ruined his marriage for children I gave birth to.

I met a man about 1.5 years ago in Wisconsin after my second husband vanished. After suffering the heartbreak of my children's disappearance I was unable to cope with the mental anguish and ended up homeless with my youngest child until I was finally able to get myself in therapy and on antidepressant drugs for the pain.

I had heard of the great things being done in WI with children who suffer from ADD and Austium traits. I decided to move to Milwaukee in August of 2004. I thought the fresh place and start would be really positive for us both. I knew I would never have the money to fight my ex husband and his rich family that's IF I could ever find them so I tried to give my youngest the best life I could and pray God would work this all out in time.

It was harder than I thought to start over in Milwaukee but after staying in a women's shelter for 3 months I was finally able to get my first apartment in my own name in November of 2004. I lived there working with the W2 which is the TANF program here in WI to try to get myself in a position for a career so I could take care of us and one day find my other children.

I enrolled in Kaplan University online in July of 2005. I will graduate in October of 2006 with an Associates in Computer Information Systems. I am also working as an independent contractor from my home and providing customer service at night while my son is asleep and during his school hours. I ended up having to do that because of his illness. It makes it hard to secure child care in an area that is rural especially since I have no family to offer support here.

I moved to Wonewoc, WI in Novemeber of 2005. I have been engaged to Michael for over a year now. He is the friend I met after my second husband left me. I didn't move in with him when I first arrived in WI because I thought it was important to prove to myself that I can exist without a man's help.
We currently live in Wonewoc which is a sweet mid western town of 752 people. My youngest is making great progress in the wholesome atmosphere so I do not wish to move and upset his life again.I would find a way to move back if it meant getting my kids back.

I want to fight for my right of custody and visitation . I am flying to VA for the arrainment in the child support to Anna on 4-5-06 in Roanoke. I am praying they don't want to lock me up or anything, I have no idea what to expect. My youngest and I still receive food stamps and medicaid due to hard finances. It will be hard for me to afford all the airfare this will take for the court dates but I will make sure I find those funds and I also want to start paying back the arrears to Anna so I will show to the courts I want to support my children, just didn't know where they were. They also stated I owe a large sum of arrears to my exhusband but they had closed that case. I still owe the money. I know why he never pursued me to enforce it, he would have had to tell me where they were.

Thanks to Michael having a good job and my working from home while in college full time I can work all the hours I can get (at 7 an hour) to afford all of this. Mike is also taking extra days and shifts to help me.

I know I should have held it together when my husband left me and gotten a job right away. At the time I couldn't see past my pain. I met him when I was 17 and he was all I ever knew, I loved him too much and never would have suspected he would be capable of what he has done to me. I didn't know at the time it happened I could have tried to charge him with kidnapping. I thought because he had temp legal custody in 99 and I owed child support they wouldn't help me find him or do anything about it.

I have never been a bad mother, not a druggie or a slut. I breastfeed my children and stayed at home raising them. My husband was my life. I just hope its not to late to get some kind of a justice for me and my kids. To have a chance to be their mother while they are still kids. I know they haven't seen me for years and I can only imagine what he has told them and others about me. I hope and pray the courts will see he isn't all innocent and give me a chance to let my kids know me and each other again. I am hoping with therapy, time and patience my kids and I would be able to repair some of the damage time away has caused.

I found a lawyer a couple days ago on a website and we spoke on the phone. He said if I paid his retainer fee (2500) he could get the courts to stay the child support stuff until after the custody hearing and that I shouldn't pay anything to them until this is all over. He says Anna and my ex had to have committed fraud in order to have her get guardianship because they would have had to tell a judge they didn't know where I am in doing that she basically used the legal system to kidnap my kids. He thinks I have a great chance of getting my children back full time. I am scared because so much time has passed the courts will not let them come to me simply because they have surely bonded with her by now and it would be traumatic for them. I honestly think with time and therapy they can get past that but I don't know what a judge and jury would say. He wants to do this in circuit court with a trial because of the complexity and substantial history invovled. He also said he thinks she will just back out and give it to me rather than go through that trial but I disagree because surely she must care for them after all this time. He said I would at the very least get my visitation and be allowed a relationship with them again and that in itself is worth this battle. After this is all over we plan to move back to Roanoke so the kids can be around familiar surroundings and my family can have long overdue time with them also or if I get visitation at least that would enable me to see them as much as the law will allow.
I know I made mistakes in things I did or didn't do. I know that ignorance of the laws, low self esteem and being intimidated by my ex to the point that I didn't want to rock boats is awful. I just don't think anything I did is so bad I do not deserve to know my own children or them to know me and their little brother.
Thank you for reading this

[CaptainForest]

What is your question?

And why didn't you to the police in all those years and say that your ex husband 1 kidnapped your children!

[scaredgal]

What is your question?

And why didn't you to the police in all those years and say that your ex husband 1 kidnapped your children!

I realize the post was long and you might have missed this so I copied and pasted it
" I didn't know at the time it happened I could have tried to charge him with kidnapping. I thought because he had temp legal custody in 99 and I owed child support they wouldn't help me find him or do anything about it."

As for my question I wanted to know what people who are more familiar with custody and such thought about my situation, how likely I am to get custody and views on the lawyers response. I am just scared and concerned about all of this.

[CaptainForest]

I agree with your lawyer. You do stand a good chance of getting your kids back. And Anna and your ex did commit fraud.

[Fr_Chuck]

I do wish I could agree with you, but if your ex has a lot of funds, he can and will just out lawyer you, he will keepyou going back to court until you can't afford to keep paying your attorney.

And the court may or may not agree that he knew where you were. They may well ask the children who are old enough to question in court, has your mother contact you, has your dad told you not to contact your mother. And so on. He will have forgotten where the other people lived exactly or their address and not good with numbers. You will need to get a copy of the paperwork filed when he went to court without you.

Next even if they overturn that hearing, you will then not have custody, but only be back with him having temp coustody, so you will have to do a full custody battle in court. You will have dozens of court visits and thouands of dollars in legal fees to do what you need to do.

Also it is only fraud if it can be proved with evidence that he lied. Not what you and I believe he should know.
Also you will have not only your past mental health issues to deal with in court ( since in custody hearings all that will come out) next you will have to show that you can afford and have a home .

And in the end the children will testify to where they want to stay normally.

I am not saying you don't have a chance, but you need to try to find legal aids or legal assistance, since it is going to be a lot more than 2500, that is just his retaining, when that runs out, they stop till you pay another retaining fee.

And if one side has money, even if they have less good evidence, they merely keep you coming back to court with motion after motion after motion, until they run the other side out of money.

I just want you to have a honest idea of what you have to face.

[scaredgal]

Ok well do you think even if that happens and it does revert back to my ex husband's custody then they will still have to give me visitation? I mean that is better than I have had in years. I am going to move back there as soon as I possibly can so I can take full advantage of the visitation if it comes to that or if I get them so I can be nearer to their known environment.

[Fr_Chuck]

Please I am sorry, feeling a little down today and I re-read my answer and it is a little ( OK alot) negative. But still basically true.

Now you could win, heck I had one case in the 70's where the women was a prostitute, she addmitted it in court, and used that as her claim she was doing everything possible to provide for her kids, she got custody.

But yes at worst you will get visitation (my opinion) but I believe you can get it back to him having primary custody but you having visitation and those custody rights re-instated. I am just concerned that you have the funds to get it to that point.

Sit down honestly with your attorney as to how much everything can cost if they fight these motions, and try to get the most or best deal you can for the bucks you got.

I know this is not right but in the end listen to your attorney but make sure he knows you have limited funds. I have seen custody cases ( for regular people, not wealthy) go up into 10 or 15 thousand dollars.

In the end, your attorney will know the local courts, he will review the previous courts ruling and documents. Now your ex may have lied like a blue cow. And proving this to the court may be easy, If you can prove he has lied to the court before, you will have a lot of better outlook.

I just like to tell people honestly I would hate to see you start to win, but then run out of money and lose the case and all your money also.

[scaredgal]

I thank you for being honest about how you feel in regards to my situation. I know he does have more access to funds than I ever would so I guess if it comes down to a money thing I will have to accept that.

At least I will get to see my babies again.

[wynelle]

To be honest, at ages 10 and 12, the courts will look at who can provide the better life for the children, and will also ask the chldren where they would like to live.

Having not seen any of them for almost 7 years, can you or your attorney prove that you would provide a better life for the children? Can you prove that they committed fraud or is the attorney you found on the Internet basing his assumption on the story you related here?

You seem to expect that your ex-husband should know where your family lived/worked, etc to get in touch with you, but then the opposite holds true. Why didn't you contact *his* family to find him back in 2001? Why did you leave Virginia with no forwarding address to go to a homeless shelter in Wisconsin?

I ask these questions to help you, because you can be assured that his attorneys are going to be much harder. They will bring up every negative thing they can about your last six years including your failure to pay child support. At most, you can hope for supervised visitation in the children's current home town. Is it fair to your youngest, who is currently in a stable and supportive environment to move him? Possibly you could have a supervised visitation a few times a year, until the youngest can tolerate such a move.

[scaredgal]

Hi thanks for you inqury are you a lawyer?

To answer your questions its been 3.5 almost 4 years since they disappeared. They were staying with him for about 1.5 years before they disappeared with them before then that was when they were avoiding my phone calls, canceling visits and so forth.

As far as his family contacts there aren't many to speak of he didn't come from a large local family like mine. His mother I knew remarried the summer after he left me but all I knew is that she had moved to another city about an hour away. I didn't know and still don't know her new last name or where her new husband's house is located exactly. His sister left her girlfriend about a year after we broke up but I don't know where she moved to after that. I tried using the 411 system and internet to find a phone number for her but couldn't find one. My guess is she was still only using a cell instead of having a land line.

His dad lived in Florida that much I knew but I also knew he had gotten divorced around the same time we broke up so I didn't know for sure where he would be living if he would have went back to MI where he is from or stayed in Florida. Also they have a very common last name so it would take decades to attempt to call everyone in those states with that name to find out if he was still in Florida also who knows whether he was listed since his hatred of telemarketers was well known.

As for the forwarding address social services knew where I was at all times, I know that for a fact because I have kept in contact with them. That is how DCSE got the letter to me. It was sent originally to an address my ex knew I had moved from long before he disappeared so I am guessing he was counting on it not getting to me. When it was returned to DCSE they found out from social services what my current address was and mailed it here.

I realize they will take into account what the children have to say but PAS is more than present in my situation and they have to take that into account. Also I am suing HER for custody not my ex. He gave them to her who is a "legal stranger" in order to do that he had to say they couldn't locate me which is a lie. My lawyer says through social services documentation on my addresses being kept current, my family's testimony (I have about 5 people I know would testify so far) not just on him disappearing but also on him dodging visits and calls from me and my family prior to his diappearance.

Also if nothing else at least it won't be all up to the judge, I realize he can do whatever he wants but I am hoping a jury will see even if I am not innocent (don't claim to be) I have been wronged here and these are MY kids not hers. If all I get is visitation that's great its better than what I have now. As far as tolerating such a move it won't be upsetting to him as far as the distance we would move because as a almost 6 year old he doesn't have a concept of that. I know moving at all will be hard on him at first but yes it is in his best interest to reconnect with his siblings and have a chance to have that relationship while they are still young. I think as long as I plan very very carefully and we make the transition as smooth as possible he will be OK. It will be a change but it is well worth what he could gain from it. He knows who they are, I have always had their pictures up for him to see. Even though he was to small to really remember them he does know he has siblings and asks about them.

We have been pricing out the move in detail. My fiancé talked to his boss and thankfully they have a plant there as well he can transfer to. I work at home and go to college online so mine travels. I hate to uproot everything now but I have to do what is best in the long run of things. It will be difficult at first but even if I just get visits, once I live that close they will be more often and the bonds between the children, bonds with me and with my family will be worth a couple months of headache and settling into another place again.

I can't justify staying here when I know what city they are in and I have a real chance of being with them again in any capacity. I have a responsibility to them as well as my youngest. Just because I was robbed of it for a few years doesn't mean I don't feel a desperate need to be there. I think it will all work out for the best. Anything is better than the tears and wondering I have been through all this time.

[s_cianci]

Follow your lawyer's advice. Remember, you are the children's mother, not Anna. That gives you great leeway right there, especially if Anna and your ex did in fact do something illegal. From what you've described it sounds like you have a good chance of eventually getting your kids back. Good luck.