[mommyandwife]

First of all id like to say that I want some honest to god truth and blunt answers!

I am currently 20 yrs old been married to my husband for 3 years and now I have a 2 month old son. Back when we were first married after 7 months I experimented with drugs and cheated on my husband. I immediately faced the consequences and told him what I had done and who with. He said he forgave me and I thought everything was good. About a year later my husband came home from overseas and told me he couldn't forgive me and he wanted a divorce, so I left him. While we were separated I started to see a guy and we only went on a date once and that was it, it was mostly communicating with him over the phone. My husband decided he wanted to try to work everything out and I cut off all communications with this other guy. Well now a year later I'm finding myself constantly having the other guy on my mind wondering what could have been. So much that I sometimes treat my husband with little or no respect. I love my husband and our son, and this is the life I want, but this ex won't get off my mind... Please help get my mind at ease so I can start being a good wife a mom. I will take anything in as long as its going to help me!

[jolienoire]

I love my husband and our son, and this is the life i want, but Please help get my mind at ease so i can start being a good wife a mom. I will take anything in as long as its gonna help me!

I love my husband and our son

That should be enough your family..

Now... thinking about the ex there is no should have been, would have beens, that time you were separated from your husband that you got involve with someone was a rebound phase, it was too soon after your separation, and I think you were vulnerable because of your state of mind.. Your husband left you and you found comfort in another man. Remember your mind was in a different state at the time... That relationship was an illusion.. Now you have your family back, and trust me had you stayed with the ex you would have wanted your husband back... Just simply get it out of your mind what if, what was what could be... Things happen for a reason and if you were with this guy you wouldn't have your SON... SO think of your family first, and not about the past.. its done finished gone,

JUST BE THE BEST wife and mother you can be and think of your family and put more effort into making that work don't punish your husband..

[excon]

Hello mommy:

Here's the thing. If you're waiting to get on with your life until this happens, then sit down a spell, cause it ain't never going to happen...

If you love somebody, you don't stop loving them. You just move on. I still love all the women I ever did love - even Jane Crocker - my 4th grade girlfriend.

excon

[ldyastrid]

There are some issues that you need to resolve in your marriage if you are looking elsewhere/back and wondering what if. You don't mention why your husband was overseas or for how long - or for how long you were separated. There are a lot more issues going on than what you mention.

You were 17 years old when you got married - this is an example of why waiting to marry is a good thing. At 17 you were still a child - still experimenting with life (as you found with experimenting with drugs and ending up sleeping with someone - and - sorry - I don't buy the drugs being the reason for cheating on your husband, I think you blame the indiscretion on drugs rather than taking the responsibility for it... though I'm glad to hear you came forward and openly told him.

What was your husband doing while separated? Was he dating as well? How old is he?

The way I read things, with the little information you gave - you both were too young to get married. You aren't done finding out who you are - your tastes change in clothes, food, entertainment, etc. when you are learning about yourself... the same can be said for your preferences partners ( not always, as I know of some marriages that lasted the test of time.) You nor your husband are the same people you were 3 years ago... You find yourself treating your husband with little or no respect... are you secretly angry with him that he wanted to try working on your marriage and made you stop seeing/getting to know this other person? I can imagine that first thoughts were to get back together because of the child... but a child should not be the reason people get married or stay married - that's a lot of pressure on a child, not to mention, they mimic what they see... whatever is going on in your marriage, they pick up on, and will likely look for that kind of relationship as they search for a life's partner. Is what your marriage is like what you want your son to have in his marriage? Would you want a woman to treat your son as you are treating your husband?

[mommyandwife]

About 3 months after we got married he wanted to join the army and really not talk to me about it. As soon as he was done with training we made a move to Texas and 2 months later he deployed. He is currently 23 years old. We separated for 2 months and yes he dated when we were separated also, but we both realized that we were trying to find each other in other people and it just don't work that way. And as for my son, we didn't have him when we got back together, we just recently had him. We've been to marriage counseling, and individual also.

[talaniman]

Life is about what you do. So start treating your husband with respect, and love, and take care of your child, to the best of your ability, and you can fantasize about anything you want, after that is done.

[Allheart]

Hi Mommy,

I yi yi. The pickles we find ourselves in. But I admire your bravery and courage for laying it all out.

Reading your post, reminded me of a ping pong match. Meaning, in your mind, and heart, you go back and forth to your current husband and then your ex.

Like Tal said, first things, first, PLEASE don't take this out on your current husband.

You wanted truth... and this is from my heart... for the emotional well being of yourself and everyone, first, continue to be a good Mommy and then do some individual soul searching.

I honestly thing you need some time to work things out on your own. I think the pattern that you are currently in, will on result in more confusion.

You may need to resolve some things within yourself first. Before you can even begin who you will be spending the rest of your life with.

My advice is to, attend individual councilling and clean up the "stuff" inside.

By going back and forth in your mind and heart... you are either purposely or unintentially failing to focus on things that you need to either heal or fix within the person you are.

Please, I offer these words to help and hope they help and ultimately bring you true happiness.