[startover22]

elle92 disagrees: Ma'am is inherently disrespectful as well as sexist and ageist in its current usage.

WOW, it is my opinion, not a fact...
Not sure why you had to go and do that Ma'am!

[startover22]

Now, that is when you use it with disrespect, if I were to say sorry to you with the word Ma'am in there would you turn your head and not accept my apology? Sheesh, gather yourself up and use your manners. I would rather hear Ma'am than "hey you or other words, I guess that is my point!

[elle92]

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

[elle92]

Now, that is when you use it with disrespect, if I were to say sorry to you with the word Ma'am in there would you turn your head and not accept my apology? Sheesh, gather yourself up and use your manners. I would rather hear Ma'am than "hey you or other words, I guess that is my point!

I would accept your apology and let you know that I prefer to be called Ms and not ma'am.

[startover22]

I don't use Ma'am to judge anyone on how they look or act. You obviously do though, do you see it?

[startover22]

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

This is where all of our society problems started. Who ever can see this, please do not listen to this person, you need to keep the past alive, the past that showed good manners and not all these "oh no, you hurt my feelings" type of people. Let us be who we are with great respect and treat each other with it. Now Elle, I get a small portion of your point, but really in the end, it is about respect and not disrespect. Ma'am was meant to be respectful it is you who have made it not!

[NowWhat]

I just don't get why Ma'am indicates your married? Or old!

Mrs. would indicate marriage, not ma'am. If you think saying ma'am reflects age - well then it is you that has the problem with YOUR age. Not someone else.

I have NEVER used the word ma'am as a way to be disrespectful or hurtful.

There are way better words to accomplish that!

[froggy7]

Why do we have a term that judges women by how old they look and whether they are married or not, but we don't have an equivalent term judging men by how old THEY look or how OLD they are?

This is called SEXISM people. My advice, call all women Ms. (Miz). It presumes neither age nor marital status.

Ma'am is outdated, sexist, ageist. Stop using it.

But Ms. is hard to say... it tends to come out sounding like Miss unless you really over-emphasize the Z sound. And it is offensive to many women, who want to be called either Mrs. or Miss as appropriate. And Miss is problematic, because it is used in certain contexts to emphasize the subservient role of women. (I'm thinking of the colloquialism of "Miss Firstname", which has been used in some cases regardless of the actual age or marital status of the woman involved.)

And if you think that there aren't terms for men that have been used through history, you are wrong. There's "Master", for one, used to address young boys. And of course, the term "boy" used to address adult men, which is now considered quite offensive.

And you are aware, of course, that there was a time when not only weren't courtesy titles necessary, you didn't even have to bother learning the person's name? Guides for people looking to hire servants came with such helpful tips as "George and John are suitable names for footmen, and Emily is suitable for a housemaid." And you were expected to answer to those names, no matter what your mother named you!

Also, this does come down to context. If you are asking me how my dinner was, you don't need to throw in any title. If you are flagging me down because I left my purse, I'd prefer you to call out "ma'am!" than "hey you!"

[NowWhat]

I am raising my daughter to use the words "ma'am" and "sir". (Remember, I feel like it is a sign of good manners and respect)
Anyway, I took her up to my work a couple of days ago. One of my co-workers, actually my boss, asked if she wanted something. She said "yes, ma'am". My boss told my daughter that she wasn't old enough to be called ma'am. That her name would do.

I just don't get it. When did that word go along with age definition? Why do some women feel older when called that? Is it because, as a child, you were instructed to call anyone older than you "ma'am or sir"? So, now you associate ma'am with old?

I am just having a problem making the connection with this term being disrespectful. I don't get it.

If some one calls you miss and your really mrs. do you get offended and correct them? How are people to know? And MS. (pronounced MiZ) can come to close to miss. So aren't you just being as offending as those of us that use "ma'am"?

[startover22]

It is a courtesy to be called ma'am, and it is most likely done out of respect. I think it is great! You keep going NowWhat, you are doing a good job.
I will never get it either!

[Homegirl 50]

I was taught to call adult women ma'am and adult men sir. I taught my daughter the same way. It is a sigh of respecting their position. It is the same as addressing a person in authority as Mr. or Ma'am or whatever title they may hold. It has nothing to do with insult.
If you want to talk insult, I find it offensive for adults to allow their young children to call other adults by their first name. It is rude, but I'm not going to have a cow about it.
It's all about manners and etiquette, and we as a people seem to be sorely lacking in both.

[startover22]

Ohhhh goodness, my kids call ather adults by their first name unless I introduce them differently, BUT, I do agree with you, I lost that somewhere, and from now on if I know the persons last name I will introduce them that way to my children. Our close friends, they usually add a Uncle or Auntie in front, but others I always respond to them by first name so my childred do too. Thanks Homegirl!

[NowWhat]

I, personally, prefer people to call me by my first name. In return, I use their first name.

A lot of my friends are the same way. My daughter refers to them as Ms. whatever. We are close enough and have known them long enough that using their last names seems so formal - so saying "Ms. Melissa" seems okay.

It is funny though, my mom called her in-laws Mr. and Mrs. last name, until the day they died. It was out of respect. When talking about them, she still refers to them that way. My parents have been married for over 42 years.

[startover22]

WOW, that is great for your parents!
I too am called Miss Startover by my daycare kids, they think it is nice and I do too...
If we know someone well, we go by first name also, but I never really thought of it until now to introduce people using their last name to my kids, I just never have done it unless he/she is a teacher or Dr... I wonder why? Probably because I was not raised to do it myself, but I like the idea!

[Homegirl 50]

My daughter called close friends of mine aunt whatever and a lot of them were call Miss Mary or whatever as well. I don't have a problem with that. I was just taught that adding the Miss, Mr. Aunt Uncle when referring to adults is a sign of respect.

[froggy7]

I am raising my daughter to use the words "ma'am" and "sir". (Remember, I feel like it is a sign of good manners and respect)
Anyways, I took her up to my work a couple of days ago. One of my co-workers, actually my boss, asked if she wanted something. She said "yes, ma'am". My boss told my daughter that she wasn't old enough to be called ma'am. That her name would do.

I just don't get it. When did that word go along with age definition? Why do some women feel older when called that? Is it because, as a child, you were instructed to call anyone older than you "ma'am or sir"? So, now you associate ma'am with old?

It's not just women, actually. There are many men who react badly to being called "Mr." They are the ones who will say "Call me Bob. Mr. Smith is my father." Same thing, really, as women objecting to ma'am.

[NowWhat]

It's not just women, actually. There are many men who react badly to being called "Mr." They are the ones who will say "Call me Bob. Mr. Smith is my father." Same thing, really, as women objecting to ma'am.

That is true. I never thought about that.

Why do you think that is?

Are we so obsessed with age and the thought of getting older- any kind of "reminder" is or could be seen as offensive?

[bushg]

I am only 45 but call me ma'am any day. I detest being called hon, honey, babe, sweety,darlin etc... by men that do not know me. I am a dispatcher and I get called that so many times in a day by people I have never or will never meet or talk to again. I also hear it a lot at the full serve gas station, car repair shops.

I cringe it sounds so sexist to me. I have to bite my tongue not to say something... because I know that no harm is intended. But it really drives me NUTS!

But on the other hand when a female waitress calls me that I do not find it offensive at all. I wonder if my husband feels the same way. Hmmm maybe I am the one with the problem. Is it just me or does it bother other people when the opposite sex call you these names.

[NowWhat]

See, it bothers me across the board. I HATE when people call me Honey, sweetheart, etc. It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. They don't know me! Especially at work - I wear a name tag - my name is clearly displayed. Don't call me dear, darlin' - I have a name, use it.

[startover22]

LOL... that is all I have to say. I needed this laugh, Ma'am's!