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nickshehe · Mar 25, 2008, 11:27 AM

A month ago I couldve sworn she was head over heals for me.. 2 weeks ago when she wanted a break it was a shock to me.. and now one week ago that she's simply left me her friends tell me how she's going to ibiza in a couple of weeks and she's having the time of her life.. and that she told them that she just stopped caring for me and that is that...
How can that even happen?
I feel so weak.. and helpless and I know I don't need her but I do..

nickshehe · Mar 25, 2008, 11:49 AM

What I need to do is grow some ing balls and stop whining...
Sorry, delete this thread...

spitvenom · Mar 25, 2008, 11:53 AM

Man, just get out there and met some new women. You will be over her in no time. And stop talking to her friends do you really need a daily update of what she is doing.

nkychic · Mar 25, 2008, 11:56 AM

Ending a relationship sucks no matter how it happens. It's probably better for you that she is moving on because this will give you the incentive to do so. There is no need to jump right into another relationship, but you do need to get out and meet some more people. Leave her friends to her and confide in your own friends. I know it's all easier said than done but I can assure you that moving on would be a heck of a lot harder if she were constantly calling you. I wish you the best of luck dear and please feel free to message if you want to talk.

<3 Leslie

nickshehe · Mar 25, 2008, 01:06 PM

I go from being angry at her to hating myself for letting this happen..
I don't understand

spitvenom · Mar 25, 2008, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by nickshehe

I go from being angry at her to hating myself for letting this happen..
I dont understand

We have all been there man. Don't hate yourself for something You can't change. But what you should do is learn from your mistakes. I obviously don't know what happened but from what you are saying you feel as if you did something for her to come to this decision. Think about what you did and learn from it for the next time. If you were to overbearing and needy(not saying you were just using that as an example) learn from that for the next girl you meet give her space and just let the relationship have a natural flow.

I would have things in my mind for how a relationship should work. And I would try to force them on the girl and it always caused a break up. So I Just said F@#K it, It is what is and I am not going to try to make it what I think it should be.

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 06:19 AM

Your feelings are so natural, and we all have felt them, but in time you'll get over them, and be curious about life. You can't see it now, but it will happen, if you let it.

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 06:41 AM

I sent her a huge e-mail about 4-5 days ago.. I took the blame for the way things came to the way they were in our relationship and I told her that the e-mail wasn't a plea for her to come back or to reconsider things and that I respect her decision though I don't like it.. She was inexplicably cruel to me when she called it off and I told her I was angry about that and that I respect myself too much to have anyone talk to me in that way..
I told her that I knew I didn't need her because no one needs anyone in this life, that I wasn't going to die without her.. I also said that I knew I'd be happy someday, and it just saddened me because there was more that I wanted for us to do before we called it quits..
Even so I wished her luck in her life and told her she was my best friend and I can't stopped caring about her no matter the circumstances.

and that was that..
I'm sure she's read it by now and it hurts that she didn't reply but I also wrote that I didn't expect her too because she's probably still confused/angry at me or just maybe having too much fun to worry about me..

Her friend told me that she told her that she just stopped caring for me and she's having fun being single and she didn't want to be with me anymore.. It sucks to hear but I can't do anything about it... it just leaves me with a gaping mouth knowing it's the same girl that was all over me less than a month ago..

Anyway in response to your comments, I've been down this road before with the "first slap in the face" I had.. I can't say I learnt anything from the first time because this happened again and like you all said I can only hope to learn from this..
The plus side is that I'm not as miserable as I was the first time, though it hits me at random times in the day.. Since the day after she broke up with me I tried to go out with friends though I wasn't having fun I still tried.. I went out with 2-3 girls.. One girl wants to dump her boyfriend for me which pissed me off because she hardly knew me and she's going out with the guy for 2 years..
It's just that things like that don't leave hope for me in the future.. That girl could've been my girlfriend and that guy could've been anyone else.. Anyway I'm not going to do anything with a girl who's willing to dump her boyfriend of 2 years for me, when I don't really care about her.. I want to tell the guy but I should mind my own business..
I wish I could fall for someone else immediately and jump into a relationship now but I know that isn't going to happen and wishing for it to happen will only delay its process..
I have exams at uni and I can't bring myself to studying with all of this going on around me.
There hasn't really been a question in this post its just me reflecting on things..
I find what you guys are doing really amazing.. I read a lot of other stories from other people and you're all helping everyone I think that it's great..

anyway.. a random question that I just thought of.. are those online dating sites any good?

I know there's a common misconception that only people who can't get real dates use them and that kind of scares me.. I mean I'm pretty confident when it comes to girls, I just feel meeting a lot of people online will save me time and you can get to know someone quicker that way before you take a step..

jolienoire · Mar 26, 2008, 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by nickshehe

anyway..a random question that I just thought of..are those online dating sites any good?

I know theres a common misconception that only people who can't get real dates use them and that kind of scares me..I mean I'm pretty confident when it comes to girls, I just feel meeting alot of people online will save me time and you can get to know someone quicker that way before you take a step..

The only way to find out is to try it for yourself, I mean it has its pro's and con's as with anything else, there are some people who can scam you on those sites so be careful. All in all don't jump into anything take your time, chat if you must.. But really you need to take this time to build yourself back... Study, don't let this woman have control over your future... Study just as hard as you want her back... Study just as you took that time to write that email use that energy in a way that is beneficial to you!

Good luck! I think you are a sweetheart, and very well intouch with your emotions, I can confidently say that you will find someone.. Hang in there... It takes a lot to express your emotions, especially when hurting and you are open with your feelings...

hollyparrott · Mar 26, 2008, 06:59 AM

Why do you feel the need to be dating someone? And if you think back, are there no girls that seemed to be over keen on you, and YOU were tryiing to avoid THEM?

emopunk7 · Mar 26, 2008, 07:11 AM

"and it just saddened me because there was more that I wanted for us to do before we called it quits.."

Nick... Be glad nothing more happened. The pain would've been even more unbearable. Be glad. It wasn't meant to be. With my ex I had many problems and I felt like maybe I'm not good or can't keep a girl happy or something, but now my current girlfriend gets along with me almost perfectly. We don't have any of the issues I had before. I love my girlfriend now sooo much. Hope this gives you some inspiration! Now GO meet some real Women! I'm wishing you the best my friend!!

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 08:41 AM

I had blocked her on msn and I unblocked her only to find that she's also blocked me...
I don tunderstand why she's angry at me..
Im thinking that I don't want to lose her in my life.. I was thinking of even going to the extent of telling her I want to stay friends with her.. would that be a good idea?
I mean yes I have feelings for her, but part of me thinks that if we start talking again she might get a rush of what we used to be like or something...

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 08:42 AM

OK she just messaged me on msn and unblocked me.. this is a weird coincidence.. ill post soon and let you know what happened.

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 09:00 AM

Uhm.. I apologised again on msn she said its OK..
And I told her that I want to at least stay friends with her and such.. and she said I didn't think you would want that.. and I said it would be immature of us to let the circumstances get in the way.. and she said she doesn't mind talking(that kind of pissed me off, I don't mind talking does that mean).. anw she said she didn't want to talk about us anymore and she just started asking me abuot how my trip to amsterdam was and stuff like that...
Weird..
How am I supposed to intepret this?

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 09:26 AM

By your own words, to her you have been put in friends zone, and that's where you will stay, so be ready to be confused, as she no longer wants, or expects, to discuss getting back together, and will only go for idle chit-chat, until someone comes along, and occupies her time. Maybe you can't see that, but her message is more than clear, by words and actions, she is through being your g/f. If you harbor any illusions that's what she means, I suggest strongly you follow your heart, and open yourself up to a lot more misery, and pain, than you now have. Or you could cut the contact completely, and allow yourself a chance to heal, so you can move on, and find peace and happiness, without her. Your choice. Rest assured, no amount of talking, or begging, will change her mind. Sorry for your loss.

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 09:31 AM

I told her that my intentions were for us to be friends now anyway.. and that I wasn't aspiring to convince her to go out with me again or anything.. and I told her that we can only be friends if we both want it.. and that from past experiences I knew that she might be talking to me because she wants me on a leash and if those were her intentions to stop talking to me.. (that was dumb of me but anyway)..
I also asked her if she minded if I could stay at her place while she was away when I go back to the UK while she's gone for a few days because I won't have any place to stay.. (I was meant to go there before we broke up).. - yes another stupid move on my part
She said she did but if I didn't have anywhere to go its okay.. then I refused because she didn't want too..
Then I told her I had to go somewhere and I left...

She has a lot of studying to do so I figure she's just bored and she contacted me on msn..
I don't see any purpose into what she's doing except that she maybe wants me to linger on.. Her friend told me she did that to a guy once and admitted that she just wanted him to want her back by giving him false hope...
Whatever the case Im avoiding that trap..

Do you all think it's a bad idea that I'm talking to her?

Possible scenarios are:

We stop talking altogether - she misses me, comes back - I decide what to do
Or stop talking - both move on with our lives.

If we continue talking - take things back and forth.. though we aren't talking about each other.. until one of us moves on first
Continue talking - realises that she wants to be with me - I decide what to do ***

***is this scenario realistic?

If I wanted her to come back do you think I would have to keep the contact to a minimum?
I mean I told her it's a shame to just stop talking since we had history.. so I can't contradict myself and tell her to stop talking to me and leave me alone..

How can all of this backfire?

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 09:34 AM

- I just read your post talaniman... Im guessing I messed up then :/
No way to salvage it?

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 09:53 AM

Salvage yourself esteem, and dignity and be a better person, for what life has for you. I've been where you are, and am glad those exes dumped me, and made me a good fit, with my wife of 30 something years.

Im guessing I messed up then

We all mess up. Don't dwell on it. Click on the links in my signature, and get some great ideas about what to do now. Read them all and see if they make sense and let us know.

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 10:32 AM

We talked againa and I told her I needed to know...
I even suggested getting gback together to fix things but she wouldn't have any of that...
..
I just took 1 step forward two steps back

nickshehe · Mar 26, 2008, 11:04 AM

I got the closure I want..
There's no point on dwelling on it anymore since its in the grave... moving on is now inevitable..

People suck :/