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dooboo · Mar 24, 2008, 10:54 AM

OK so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 1/2 months and we hang out everyday and talk every night before bed text during the day and then I went to community college to become a fireman and she is stillin school technically I'm a senior and she is a junior but after I left we haven't seen as mush as eahother like we used to. So last week we went threw you weird funk where she got off the phone and called me back and asked I didn't say iloveyou and I said I dot know I'm sorry I love you goodnight, then she came over a couple days later and wanted to talk and so we talked and she said we needed some space and she feels like I have been smuthering her, which I don't get how, but I feel like I haven't its quite the opposite.. so then three days ago she has been texting me and on the phone saying she misses me and wants to see me saying she loves me and then we hungout yesterday and we were snuggling kissing everything was back the way it was.. she isn't bi-polor "trust me" but I just want to know why it was like that why did we hit such a weird speed bump in the road that didn't need to be there?

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by dooboo

so then three days ago she has been texting me and on the phone saying she misses me and wants to see me saying she loves me and then we hungout yesterday and we were snuggling kissing everything was back the way it was..she isnt bi-polor "trust me" but i just wanna know why it was like that why did we hit such a weird speed bump in the road that didnt need to be there?

I think she is confused, and may still be confused, its like when we get too much of something we don't appreciate it, once we loose that we get all insecure and miss it, being that you seen eacthother everyday and communicated everyday it sort of became a routine.. Maybe she could have been acting impulsively by saying what she said about being smothered because you didn't say you loved her, sounds she has gotten use to that but at the same time, she realize that this is not healthy by her getting these little fits about you not saying I love you therefore she ran for cover to blame you on smothering each other. Bottom line, is that you need to know where you stand with her, if you are in fact back together, or is she still uncertain, if she is still confused, you need to give her enough time, and let her accept her decision she made to be without you, next time she does that and calls you telling you she misses you, don't be so quick to run to her rescue think about the emotional conflict she is causing you by her undecisivenss..

confused25 · Mar 24, 2008, 11:14 AM

Jolienoire said it best, so take her advice into consideration. Personally I'm at the point where I just want to shake my head and say... "psh women."

dooboo · Mar 24, 2008, 11:15 AM

Wow.. her and I are still together we both can't see the end to this relatiosnhip it was just weird funk, and I didn't rush to say I love you too but it made me smuther her I didn't want to but after she said that I was going crazy it was weird I didn't know why she was acting that way and it made me be weird. But I know she wants to be with me I I just know she is insecure and that's what she said it became a routine and she wanted it like how it was in the beginning where it was fun and we always had something to do, so I guess I could be more spontanious.

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by dooboo

she wanted it like how it was in the beggining where it was fun and we always had something to do, so i guess i could be more spontanious.

One things for certain, it will never be like the beginning it should be better, you were two different people in the beginning, and not until after a few months do you start to see the real person, I always say in many relationships in the beginning we are meeting REPRESENTATIVES, until we are faced with bad times or disagreements that is the real test of the relationship. Next time she shouldn't be so quick to break up, and next time just communicate, and perhaps you both can do things differently, being spontaneous is great but you can't be the only one who is always being spontaneous she has to give equally.

dooboo · Mar 24, 2008, 11:32 AM

Yeah that's what she wants is to have an equal balance but I haven't really seen anything from her side yet, but I know its so hard to talk to her when she is so emotional about it and giving mixed emotions and its so hard because I don't want to get mad or frustrated with her so I let her take her frustration out then I talk to her when she is calm and can understand how I feel but it just seems like I'm a little girl in theis relatioship but it isn't always like that its nothing I waould thinkw should break up because it's a small funk and it's a relationship everything worth having doesn't come easy and you have to accept the good from the bad

talaniman · Mar 24, 2008, 11:39 AM

The honeymoon is over, and your starting to see her as she is, and not who you are attracted to. She is confused and insecure, but if you are the only one doing anything to move this relationship along, then it can't last. Its only been 7/8 months, so actually your still learning things about each other. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to ask her what she means, if you don't understand what's going on with her. Never assume, when you can talk about it with her. Taking the bad with the good, is fine as long as she does the same.

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The honeymoon is over, and your starting to see her as she is, and not who you are attracted to. She is confused and insecure, but if you are the only one doing anything to move this relationship along, then it can't last. Its only been 7/8 months, so actually your still learning things about each other. Be yourself, and don't be afraid to ask her what she means, if you don't understand what's going on with her. Never assume, when you can talk about it with her. Taking the bad with the good, is fine as long as she does the same.

I AGREE.. with talaniman!

dooboo · Mar 24, 2008, 11:48 AM

Were actually not married were still in high school

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by dooboo

were actually not married were still in high school

LOL Its an expression.. he knows you are not married...

talaniman · Mar 24, 2008, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by dooboo

were actually not married were still in high school

LMAO, I know your not married, I was referring to the beginning of the relationship, that's all about enjoying the attraction that strangers have. LOL!

dooboo · Mar 25, 2008, 12:10 AM

Haha oh yeah, I have hurd that before, but its more than just us being young and being in love I honestly feel like there is nothing I don't like. Except the past couple weeks how she has been acting its just weird.. like I feel that she gives half as much as I give, just because she is so afraid of loving me how much she feels inside and doing all this stuff that she feels that it might ruin the relationship because of her ex. And that bugs me that she just can't trust me... I don't even know what to do or say to her... I mean we both said that we can't see the end of this relationship, but sometimes I feel like she is in it for something better or for fun, I mean I don't even know why I feel that way its just hit recently because of the way she acts.. but the other night we were passionate and loving she couldn't let go of me and very touchy but why does she have to act the way she is...

talaniman · Mar 25, 2008, 03:32 AM

Like I feel that she gives half as much as I give, just because she is so afraid of loving me how much she feels inside and doing all this stuff that she feels that it might ruin the relationship because of her ex.

She is who she is, and that's why getting to know her is important, and paying attention is key to that. Going slow is the way to learn and understand as her feelings and the way she sees this relationship may be different than yours, so as you learn each other, you will also learn to communicate and interact. Very important to keep it honest and realistic regarding your own expectations. Find out what she likes, and make sure she enjoys herself.

And that bugs me that she just can't trust me

Trust, especially after being hurt, takes time to build, so be patient and let her work through things at HER own pace. Relax and take your time and not pressure her. I mean what do you expect, she hand you everything on a silver platter? She be available for you every need? Not realistic.

dooboo · Mar 25, 2008, 10:04 AM

So what should I do...

talaniman · Mar 25, 2008, 01:16 PM

Reread my last paragraph.