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Sinead_s · Mar 24, 2008, 06:06 AM

I was with my boyfriend aged 23 for 10 months I'm only 17 so I understand I have a lot to learn.
I'm not the type ofgirl that would normally lie but on this occasion I was out with my male friend aged 20 ( I'm not attracted to him in any way other than as a friend ) but my ex partners mum phoned me up to see where I was and I lied and said I was with my cousin - I really don't know why I said that and I really regret it.
Any way some 1 saw me in the pub with my friend and contacted my parnter he then called me up and told me it over.
He says he can't trust me if I'm going to lie and he really believes there's more to me and my friend when there really isn't.
I really want him back but how ?

450donn · Mar 24, 2008, 06:48 AM

This is what I would call a trust issue. He does not have any trust in you now that you have lied to him. My thoughts are that you screwed up big time and now depending on this guy there is probably no way you are going to regain his trust. Move on and learn another hard lesson in life.

Sinead_s · Mar 24, 2008, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by 450donn

This is what I would call a trust issue. He does not have any trust in you now that you have lied to him. My thoughts are that you screwed up big time and now depending on this guy there is probably no way you are going to regain his trust. Move on and learn another hard lesson in life.

This may be easy for you to say but I spoke tohim yesterday and he said he just needs some time to think and he said you know I love you - so what would this mean ?

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Sinead_s

i was with my boyfriend aged 23 for 10 months im only 17 so i understand i have a lot to learn.
im not the type ofgirl that would normally lie but on this occasion i was out with my male friend aged 20 ( im not attracted to him in any way other than as a friend ) but my ex partners mum phoned me up to see where i was and i lied and said i was with my cousin - i really dont know why i said that and i really regret it.
any way some 1 saw me in the pub with my friend and contacted my parnter he then called me up and told me it over.
he says he can't trust me if im going to lie and he really belives theres more to me and my friend when there really isnt.
i really want him back but how ?

You can't make him or beg him to take you back and the more you keep pressuring him about getting back the further away you will push him. There had to be more of a reason as to why you lied, Did you think he would get upset that you were going out with a male friend? If this male friend was only that why did you lie? Does he know this male friend? You need to know or have to know why you lied in the first place.

First he needs time to build trust again that is if he ever can. Of course he may still love you but until he feels assured and certain that you won't do it again its going to be something he has to figure out on his own without you trying to convince him that nothing happened. He feels betrayed, and I am pretty sure if the table was turned you would feel a certain way too if he did this to you. Allow him the time he needs and you can't pressure him into making a rapid decision. Unfortanetly it could be now or he can decide that he may not even want to be in this relationship in the end you have to respect his decision and take this as a lesson to always be honest...

Sinead_s · Mar 24, 2008, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by jolienoire

You can't make him or beg him to take you back and the more you keep pressuring him about getting back the further away you will push him. Their had to be more of a reason as to why you lied, Did you think he would get upset that you were going out with a male friend? if this male friend was only that why did you lie? Does he know this male friend? You need to know or have to know why you lied in the first place.

first he needs time to build trust again that is if he ever can. of course he may still love you but until he feels assured and certain that you won't do it again its going to be be something he has to figure out on his own without you trying to convince him that nothing happened. He feels betrayed, and I am pretty sure if the table was turned you would feel a certain way too if he did this to you. Allow him the time he needs and you can't pressure him into making a rapid decision. Unfortanetly it could be now or he can decide that he may not even want to be in this relationship in the end you have to respect his decision and take this as a lesson to always be honest...

Yeah I know I understand that because I would also feel betrayed. Yes he knew the male friend as it was his friend too. Well I don't know why I lied maybe because I'm niave but I never meant to hurt him, I thought well I may as well say I'm with my cousin - in case he started to think that something was going on with us but it really isn't any thing going on never has been and never will be I'm not even slightly attracted to this other guy, he's the type of person that's fab as a mate and nothing else. My ex partner thinks I like him because he has a car but I really don't its nothing to do with that at all he also keeps putting himself down and blaming himself but none of this is his fault its all mine I can't believe I havehurt him so much! I do know I'm never going to lie to any one about anything ever again espcially not him I didn't know a little lie could do so much damage and cause so much pain.

joelatta42 · Mar 24, 2008, 08:26 AM

I'm no expert on the subject, however, I've been in many relationships. I've found that if you really love someone and you feel like you've made a huge mistake by losing there trust, then you need to let them know that you want only them and make a promise that you will do everything in your power to never lose that trust again. If this doesn't work let him know that you are going to move on because you can't dwell all your life on things lost. As my grandma use to say, " if you love someone enough set them free, and if they come back it was ment to be." Good luck!

Sinead_s · Mar 25, 2008, 04:22 PM

Me and my boyfriend are now back together :) we have just decided we are spending too much time together and its treading on each others toes so we are having a few days apart.
He's giving me the chance to re-build the trust and I'm not going to mess it up this time

Thank you all for your help - much appreciated :)
Xxxxx