Check out some similar questions!

sheema_1 · Mar 21, 2008, 12:14 AM

Ello all, I've recently noticed my bf's son is jelouse of us spending time alone in our room for "fun".

When eva we close the bed room door he runs ova and starts asking Q's like I want to no what the time is or I need a drink (his 7 and can get his own drinks which he normally does with out asking when we are out of the room).

I have also notice when I show my partner affection he always has to be silly and jumps on dad or wants attatention, like today I was taking pic's of my partner pulling faces and his son started to lay on him and put his hand up so I couldn't take pic's I just put the cam away and said nothing but I also feel if we don't do something about it, going to become a really big issue because me and my partner also need time together.

Little about us we are a blended family been together a yr, I have a 5y/o son from previous relationship and my partner has his son 7... live together.

So any ideas on why he doing it? Or how we can stop it?. it kind of annoyin I'm not use to it as my son has neva done anything lyk this and unsure how to deal with it

JBeaucaire · Mar 21, 2008, 03:21 AM

You guys are nuts. The kid is acting up because he's smart enough to know what's going on. You and your BF don't "need" your special time together, you "want" it and are taking it.

BF/GFs come and go, but kids are there for real. That kid detects you coming between him and his dad, whether that is what is happening or not is not the question, he thinks it is and is signalling he won't accept it. Good for him.

The fact that you LIVE together, too, is just unfortunate all the way around. So this kid basically feels there is no "dad and me" anymore, there's just these people in his house he can't get away from and he doesn't want there.

Like it or not, that kid should be FIRST in the dad's life. At least the kid realizes this if you two don't. You shouldn't be ignoring his messages to you, they will be there forever, he will do this as long as he's there. You shouldn't be living there in this situation, it's pretty clear.

And I bet nothing is going to get better, you're going to put your needs above those of the children. <sadness>

mariposa11 · Mar 21, 2008, 11:05 PM

Your post sounds to me like that of an immature person. I think you are jealous of his son. Get over it or leave. You and your child are NOT supposed to supercede your bf's son in anyway. If you can't take pics of your boyfriend because his son is in them, too bad for you. You need to grow up. I wish you would make your opinion known to your boyfriend because if he was any kind of dad to his kid, he'd ditch you in a heartbeat.

JBeaucaire · Mar 21, 2008, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by mariposa11

Your post sounds to me like that of an immature person. I think you are jealous of his son. Get over it or leave. You and your child are NOT supposed to supercede your bf's son in anyway. If you can't take pics of your bf because his son is in them, too bad for you. You need to grow up. I wish you would make your opinion known to your bf because if he was any kind of dad to his kid, he'd ditch you in a heartbeat.

... or worse, telling the BF could result in her getting what she wants and the kid's fears are realized.

mariposa11 · Mar 21, 2008, 11:18 PM

It is just sad to hear a grown woman whine about the antics of a 7 year old child. Kids are kids and adults are supposed to understand and try to be helpful. How do you think she would feel if her ex's new girlfriend talked about her kid this way? Is it so hard to understand why a child wants to be close to a parent when someone new comes into the picture?

PS... You are not a blended family! A blended family consists of two people who are MARRIED and raise children that are not biologically connected to both of them. You are simply a boyfriend and girlfriend with their own kids.

the1unv · Mar 22, 2008, 05:32 AM

That boy does need to come first. I will go out on a limb here, It seems like you are jealous and very impatient. You don't like to take the time that is required for family blending. I get this because you won't even take the time spell out words in your post.
"when eva we close the bed room door he runs ova n starts asking Q's like i wanna no wat "
If you are planning on having a lasting relationship with this man, you best start by loving that 7 year old boy. That boy has been in your mans life a heck of a lot longer than you have. YOU are intruding on HIS territory, He is going to do his best to make sure you don't take away ALL HE HAS!! You can find time for your "FUN" when the boy is sleeping and give him his "DADDY" time when he needs it. Once this little boy finds out he isn't going to loose his daddy and becomes comfortable in the situation things will change. You need to help reasure the boy he is secure and you won't ever let anyone or anything come between him and his daddy. The boy needs to see you as an alli and not the enemy. If you drive a wedge between Boy and Father,. it may take some time,. but Dad will eventually figure it out. Dad will hold resentment towards you for doing it.
Mike

flossie · Mar 22, 2008, 06:31 AM

I agree with all the above posts.

I'm guessing that you are quite young by the language in your post. It sounds like you are the one that needs to grow up and really take a look at what is happening. Pehaps your son doesn't act like your boyfriends' son because he is used to being ignored??

Your children come first. They are your number one priority until they are tucked safe and sound in their beds. When the kids are in bed and asleep, that is when you and your boyfriend get the YOU time.

I can't imagine many mature adults closing the door to their room for some "fun" when the kids are up and about that's just plain selfish.

N0help4u · Mar 22, 2008, 06:53 AM

You have to realize the boy must have been through some trauma with his mother and father not being together so now in his mind you pose a threat that maybe he will end up losing daddy too.
You need to learn how to include his actions into your life. Like when you have the cam out and he is doing stuff like this then film it and say oh how cute. If he sees he is not getting a reaction like your putting the cam away maybe he will quit.
OR you could say you want a NICE pic of the two of them together and then some of each of them alone. You have to figure out how to include him.
Make your time alone at times that are not seeming to take away from his time.

mariposa11 · Mar 23, 2008, 10:31 PM

I guess I wonder, how would you feel if your boyfriend had the same reaction toward your child? You say your kid never behaved this way... how old was he/she when you and the bio dad separated? Does this kid even have a relationship with the real father? Honestly, this looks to be jealousy on your part as much as your bf's son. But the son is 7 and has a valid, understandable excuse. You are acting the same way not only as an adult, but as a parent. I really don't appreciate your attitude toward this kid. It seems unreasonable, over-bearing, and childish.