[JuliaK]

Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago now. And since than we have kept in constant contact which has lead to many confusions on my part. Anyway lately he has been going out of his way to be in contact with me more than usual and I was wondering what your guys thoughts were on this.

Its usually common things as in texts asking me what I'm up to tonight etc. Than he started calling me.. often. I also did this pageant (which he took off work to come and watch me)and some friends said whenever I would be on stage he would cheer for me but when I'd go he wouldn't even look at the other girls.. Then he comes to my friends birthday party that same night (knew I was going to be there) stares at me the whole night ,we end up slow dancing(holding hands, hugging) and he tells me that I'm his only girl? Also comments on photos of me on myspace saying I'm hot

He has also said that he wants to have sex with me and I was kind of worried that that's all he wanted but he hasn't mentioned it in a while and still comes and see's me. So now I'm confused.. I still have feelings for him but the last time we spoke about things he said he doesn't want a girlfriend right now.. Also we didn't get along very well when we were together but now we are getting along so well!Do you think this sounds like he still cares for me?Or is he just being friendly?Should I just continue like this act casual and wait for him to make a move if he wants to?

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2565635

I can only gather that at this time being single will end the confusion of running after a guy, who may not want what you want. All that talking, and nothing is really accomplished, so I would advice you to turn your attentions elsewhere.

[JBeaucaire]

<Chuckle> Dearie, there's nothing mysterious here at all is there? Well, there is the mystery of why a seemingly sane girl would subject herself to this ping-pong stuff, but other than that, you understand fully. Here's the answers from your own post:

• Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago now
• I still have feelings for him but the last time we spoke about things he said he doesnt want a gf right now
• we didnt get along very well when we were together
• but now [that we're apart] we are getting along so well!
• He has also said that he wants to have sex with me and I was kind of worried that thats all he wanted

You're broken up, so he's got his freedom. You're still the great girl he originally dated, so he's trying to see how much cake you'll let him keep.

Your choice, no mysteries here at all.

[JuliaK]

So you think he's definitely just playing games? But what's the point of this.. If he really doesn't care then why is he going through all this trouble to keep in contact with why not just move on..

[talaniman]

It takes a lot of time to let go, and the whole point is to keep you close. He doesn't want you to move on.

[JBeaucaire]

Julia, don't think of it as him playing games. He's not, he's just doing what seems natural. It's not him "taking the trouble" to stay in contact, it's not that hard to send a text or make a call, it's not.

The only game here is the one going on in your own mind where you want to convert what he IS doing and saying into more than it is. That's you.

Seriously, WOMEN are the one's who have all these levels going on, where they say something and mean a whole bunch of things by it. Guys don't do that nearly as much. Watch what they do, trust that.

He broke up. That was real. You're not exclusive anymore. He's free to date others... and so are you.

But he still likes you, whatever that means, it's that simple. You have to decide what that limited attention entitles him to with you and what it doesn't. Then you go with THAT. Be consistent.

[JuliaK]

I see what your saying.. I know he still must like me on some level but I guess not enough anymore to be in a relationship.. Maybe if I had done things differently from the beginning this wouldn't be happening. I just keep hoping he's going to change his mind because we have broken up a few times always getting back together.. I love him so much.So what do I do now? Stop talking to him?Obviously I can't be just his friend and although its tempting lol I'm not going to be someone's "friend with benefits"

[JBeaucaire]

...lol I'm not going to be someones "friend with benefits"

Excellent good for you. Gold stars!

Maybe if I had done things differently from the beggining this wouldnt be happening.

And maybe it would have happened exactly this way no matter what you did different. See how thinking like this ultimately is futile? You have to just live in the real TODAY, go with the facts, not the "I wishes" or the "if only I had done _____".

I just keep hoping he's going to change his mind because we have broken up a few times always getting back together..I love him so much.

Well, if you go with what is real, you need to get a clear list of the reasons you break up and the reasons you get back together. They're DIFFERENT reasons, and they're competing. One or the other needs to win out or you two are going to end up hating each other. That doesn't have to happen.

So what do I do now??Stop talking to him?Obviously I can't be just his friend and although its tempting

It's not obvious to us whether you two can go back to being friends or not, only you, only you, only you can say that for certain. But you do need to decide.

Trust the truth of what is happening. I would say "trust your feelings" but that just doesn't seem to be safe advice to give a lot of people who use it as permission to keep chasng a bad match because you "love him so much." Ugh.

You get my point. Make your choice in the real world of what is actually happening in your relationship. Be honest. Go from there and go confidently.

[JEANNIEINMA]

I played this game with my ex for 3 years, he would dangle just enough string for me to stay put and not date anyone else, leaving me hope that we would get back together I was madly in love with him and he did the same thing to me, he would do AND SAY all the right things to make me believe we would get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend. He would spend Holidays with me sleep over but didn't want to commit. I can tell you to run for your life, ignore him, don't answer his calls just move on, please don't let him have his cake and eat it too. You will regret it I promise

[JuliaK]

Omg you are soooo right 100%! thanks for your replies.. I'm so angry right now. Soo on sat night he comes to see me tries to kiss me I say no. Wants to sleep with me I say no. Tells people I'm his GIRLFRIEND! (told him not to say that)Tells them I'm the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Than tonight we're talking and he says he actually does not like me.. and that I deserve better lol. I think this guy is crazy? Im so ticked off that he somehow managed to turn the tables on me again! Sh*t I shouldve stopped talking to him then like I planned but I gave in arghhh why did I do this. I'm definitely going to stop talking to him now but christ I hope I can be strong and stick to it this time! Please any thoughts??

[in a state]

oh come on.what a child he is.he told you he doesn't like you because you hurt his great great ego by not giving in to him.of course he likes you,I seriously doubt a guy would go to that much trouble of attending your pageant,cheering,being happy for you,going to parties because he knows you're there,just for sex.just for sex he could have picked up any random girl at a club and resolve his needs.
no,I guess he only wanted to hurt your ego,as you hurt his.LAME
you shouldn't care anymore about what he says.just not give a damn.he's pis$ed things are not going according to his plan.you want a relationship,he doesn't want to be serious.
he's way too selfish for what you want,believe me.and another thing.he might somewhat care for you,but he loves only himself