[ju7350]

I've searched the web for possible solutions to this problem but haven't really got any luck... hoping all you out there will be able to help me on this one :(

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I was forced to move out of my previous living arrangements due to an argument with my house mates. Because of this, and because I was upset at the time, my boyfriend was being very supportive and let me stay at his house for 2 weeks (he lives with his mother). I started to look for places to live and he sort of agreed to move in.. To help me with the utility bills etc.
I found a place and he helped me settle in... and 2 weeks later he's asking for a break.

I can say that I am at fault for this... he told me he felt like prisoner... I guess I assumed that if he was to move in with me, he would have to be there every night etc. He said he barely got to hang out with his buddies anymore, he wanted to sleep at his mom's place every now and then... every time he wanted to do something I was a . I would get "pissy" in a way... it wasn't a good situation. He told me he still really cares for me, but doesn't love me because of the person I became.

But I respect the way he feels because we were together a lot... and since he's only 22 its completely all right for him to go hang out with his friends... but due to the stress of the move and me feeling alone and vulnerable... I hung on to him too tight.

This all happened on a Friday night.. this is the weird part.. Saturday night he invited me to a family dinner for his brother's birthday. That night, he also slept over like he normally does and we even made breakfast in the morning together.

Monday night he asks I want to have dinner. Although probably not the smartest idea, I agreed... we had a nice dinner at the new place, and afterwards watched some TV on the couch. He still put his hand on my leg like he normally did... but we didn't kiss or hold hands. Why do you think he is still doing this even though he wanted this break?

I asked him why couldn't we still be together but he could go hang out with his friends whenever we wanted - I would not get mad or pouty if he did. He said no because then I would still have a "leash" on him.

As well, he asked me to go to his grandmother's house for Easter... why? Why does he do this if he wants a break??

So here we are... I love him to death... and I would do anything to resolve this. I'm afraid during this "break" he's going to find other girls.. I also find this pretty unfair to me... here I am crying every night while he's out having a fun time... what should I do? I don't want to wait around forweeks/months if he's just going to end up hurting me...

Sorry for the long post!

[JBeaucaire]

Dear, he wants a girlfriend, not a wife. A girlfriend hangs out for a few hours together doing fun things, then you go back to your separate lives.

It's pretty simple.

It take 12-24 months to slowly get to know someone fully enough to decide marriage is a viable option for you. Living together before that usually ends in a breakup. It just does.

Go back to be just girlfriend/boyfriend and cut out all the fake marriage stuff that puts dumb pressure on your relationship that absolutely doesn't belong there. You two need your space without needing to beg for it, living separate lives makes that normal.

[azanerd]

To me, it sounds like it could be one of a couple things that's making him act like this. He could still care about you the way you care about him and is just wanting to keep you close enough so that he doesn't lose you, but far enough away so that he feels free to do as he pleases. Or, maybe he is just keeping you around as an option while he explores other options. I'm leaning more towards the first one, since it seems like he cares about you but you kept him so close that you smothered him out.

[chuff]

I think he's been perfectly honest with you, I don't think you've been listening though. He wants to have you in his life, he does NOT want you to be his life. He cut you a break, when quite honestly he did not have to, and let you live with him for 2 weeks and you took advantage of that and took it to mean much more then it did. Give him some space and some time and perhaps he'll come back.

[talaniman]

You weren't ready to live together, and still are not happy now. He doesn't want what you want, so please back off, and either go at a slower pace, with less expectations, or leave him alone. Your trying to move to fast.