[rheinhessen]

This isn't a massive problem at the minute - but I know it will be eventually..

I'm in a relationship with a man I completely adore.. I absolutely love him to bits.. We've been together since August 07 and have only just recently started having sex. Now, I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed the first time I realised how small he was - but it's not something I'd ever consider not being with him because of..

It's just frustrating, I absolutely LOVE sex.. but it's just not fulfilling - from the beginning. I know it's new between us and that we're only just learning what the other likes... I'm not shy in bed, and I make it quite clear communicating what I want and also asking questions about what he likes, but the trouble is, he's not very experienced.. Before we started sleeping together he hadn't had sex for 2 years So I'm not sure whether his coming so quickly is down to that and whether LOTS of sex will remedy it?

But also, he never really gets very hard.. it is hard enough that he can enter me, but then coupled with coming really quickly and the fact I can't feel it as much as some of my previous boyfriends I just KNOW that in future I'm not going to enjoy sex.

At the moment it's not too bad, I'm quite enjoying just having sex, and taking whatever little enjoyment I can get from him, as this is definitely mental as well as physical.. We do enjoy quite a lot of foreplay, but I can't even really touch him as he comes really quickly from that too..

Maybe I should just feel complimented because I turn him on that much ;] but I'd really rather our sex life was longer and little more fulfilling. I don't want to mention this to him until I've figured a way to broach it without making him feel like he's inadequte or something, I just think it's little too early in our relationship that we can really discuss absolutely anything without fear of repercussions - although I definitely feel we'll get there.

Help!!

[hollylovesbrandon]

How old are the both of you?

[rheinhessen]

how old are the both of you?

I'm 23 and he's 25.. does that really make a difference?

[hollylovesbrandon]

It can make a difference if you two were middle-aged. Age can affect libido, erection strength and length. That is why I asked. Has he had many sexual partners? Maybe he should see a doctor about it. Him not getting hard enough and being a healthy young adult male mean there might be an erectile problem. And at his age, that would be a problem. The premature ejaculation if a problem a lot of men have. After he is "done" see if he can still tend to you, in whatever way he needs to for you to be satisfied. He needs to make sure you are satisfied as well. If he is under any stress that could affect his ability to get it hard. He could not really be in the moment and worrying about other things and that makes sex difficult. I think if you are far enough along in your relationship that you are having intercourse then you are far enough along to talk about what the problems are and what pleases you both. Any problem can be solved through talking it out. If you can't talk about it, then you are not mature enough be having sex.

[rheinhessen]

I think if you are far enough along in your relationship that you are having intercourse then you are far enough along to talk about what the problems are and what pleases you both. Any problem can be solved through talking it out. If you can't talk about it, then you are not mature enough be having sex.

Sorry, I didn't mean to infer that we don't/can't talk about stuff, that's not true at all - I've never been more open and honest FROM THE BEGINNING with anyone as much as I am with this guy..

It's more how do I broach the subject as opposed to I can't talk to him about it.. And I think I'm most likely, needlessly, worrying about what his reaction will be - I just feel I need to tackle in the right way, y'know?

[Grand Chilokar]

Well how many rounds do you go in one night? I mean the second time is harder than the first and the third is like tons of time before comeing if accomplished. Make him drink A LOT of water and practice with him just jerk him for a while and let him practice holding it in eventually hell improve and if he can hold it in he eventually get a harder erection

[Marriedguy]

Sorry, to hear of this situation. Let me start be telling you that he knows. Unless, you are faking it which you shouldn't do, he knows.

He has to learn how to maintain an erection. Some guys know how to do it naturally others have to learn. There are techniques he can do to strengthen, and increase his stamina. You can to help him without him knowing.

Here is what you do.

Reduce some of the foreplay its too much stimulation, you are getting him all sensitive and intercourse hasn't happen so when it does he will climax quickly.

Get him to lie on his back you need on top.

Tell him to keep his eyes closed.

Your noise level should be low to very silent.

The stroke that you will use is the short stroke with him full inside you are not going to come close to the tip. This is the most sensitive location on a guy so avoid it. Keep the jabs short and slow.

During this you need to watch his face and you need tell him to tell you when he is getting close and when he does tell you this stop, the stroke be totally still. His body will recover and then you start again.

After a couple of minutes of this he may want to help will this stroke, push his chest down and tell him to stop!

The hard part for you will be maintaining this tempo because you may be reaching you peak and may what to stroke faster don't! If you do climax, more for you!

Keep doing this technique and you be able to stroke faster, and longer and eventually he will be about to switch positions.

He may have erectile dysfunction which is actually not uncommon these days. There are pills for that VIAGRA, vicerex just to name a couple. They are doctor prescribed so he has to visit one.

Ask him to look into it and tell him it's not because you are not satisfied it because you want to improve the sex life. Do not sugarcoat it, you love him and you plan on being with him for long time they have to be honest with him. The initial string will hurt, but it will make him a better lover. And what guy doesn't want that. I think every guy is going to take pride in how many times he could get his woman to climax in one session.

[kp2171]

Sex without open communication is like eating blindfolded without using your fingers. You might ge the job done, but it might not be pretty and its probably not as good as it could be.

Can he get you off orally? Don't be afraid to ask. Getting you primed and getting you off on the front side at least gets you some satisfaction.

Personally, given your age (it can matter) and how long you've been dating, I think its reasonable for you to think about sexual compatibility. Not saying dump him. Not saying not to.

The best you can do is give him a chance to make things right. If he doesn't know you aren't satisfied, how can he correct it?

Sexual performance isn't easy to talk about, especially to a guy. But an extended sexual relationship takes work if its going to be healthy. I've been with my partner almost ten years, and we still look for interesting books on sex, sensuality, massage, and intimate touch. It takes work.

For ex, in the last few months I just figured out something that can make my partner hit orgasm much faster orally... since I tried this, I'm 8 for 8 within 10 minutes. Now... we've had an open, honest relationship... we've talked about sex and we've even told each other what seems to be working and what doesn't. But it took almost ten years for me to find an errogenous spot that she responds to. Part of it was that she didn't even know herself what she needed. It took time, education, and trying different things to work it out.

Same for you. If longevity is an issue, can you try a position that favors you (like on top) and are you willing to self stimulate? There are positions my partner would never get off in if she didn't self stimulate, and some that reduce my sensitivity to give her more time.

So if he's coming too fast I think you need to be amped up sooner (sensual touch and oral?), you need postitions that delay his response and allow you to get the stimulation you need or to self stimulate, and you need him to understand your needs.

Most guys with half a clue want to please their partner. The problem is ego gets in the way. So... time to talk it out, maybe try some other things? Can he wear a condom to reduce sensitivity? Different position? Can he focus on you at least sometimes?

If my partner takes me by the hand and says "i need to get off" you'd better well be sure I'm going to have one goal in mind and it doesn't have anything to do with my getting off... though usually when the girls happy, the boys happy.

[Choux]

Whatever is causing this 25 year old man to be impotent is a serious problem for him.

This is why we date different fellows before we decide on a life partner... so we can weed out men with serious problems. Impotence is a serious problem.

Move on, girl.

[hollylovesbrandon]

It's a very serious problem. Especially at his age. I would urge him to see a physician.