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Windshield21 · Mar 11, 2008, 12:24 PM

She is calling me basically telling me she will do anything to make it work. I don't know what to do! I know I can move on from this relationship with no problem. But if she genuinely will do anything to make it work, should I let her?! Or what I was thinking was... calling her and being like I love the fact that you want to make this work but the truth is it won't right now... if you keep working on it and you have changed when summer rolls around then we can talk again but until then you have to do this on your own.. Or is that not the right thing? I know this girl far too well I think... I knew this is exactly what would happen..

COOKIE MONSTER · Mar 11, 2008, 12:45 PM

But do you love her?
If you do I would see if she has changed spend sum time together as friends and see if she has that's what I would do

duck22 · Mar 11, 2008, 12:45 PM

Is she still with that other guy? If she is then I think that answers your question. If she's not then you need to decide for yourself weather or not you want to be with her. Honestly, I think you both need some time to unwind after all of this and if you still have strong feelings for each other then I think you should give it another try. Just take things real slow and work from there.

Windshield21 · Mar 11, 2008, 01:00 PM

Of course I love her. And I know I can forgive her that is not a problem. I am not sure if she is still with him as I have not responded to her calls. But I would assume if she was she wouldn't be saying she would do anything. And if she is well then its not even a problem and I'm going to keep movin'. I just don't know if I should respond now and be like I need to think about this and I'll call you after work... or not respond at all. If I don't respond and she just gives up that means she wasn't going to try that hard anyway right?

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Mar 11, 2008, 01:17 PM

Love is the greatest thing to live for in this world. That's what I believe.

If she does give up don't assume that she isn't trying hard. That is very ignorant to say. By you not responding is going to give her the impression that you have simply given up on her. What else could she think?

If loving and forgiving isn't the problem then what is stopping you from being with her?

duck22 · Mar 11, 2008, 01:36 PM

Well assuming that she is through with the other kid and you still want to be with her I do not see any harm in contacting her. However, I do not think it is wise to jump right back into a relationship with her. Do you think she will be saying the same things a week from now when she is back at school? I would not rule out the fact that maybe something did not work out with the other guy and that she now wants somebody to fall back on. I think you should play it safe, take things real slow and see where it goes from there. Good luck with whatever you do and keep us posted.

ihatewestseneca · Mar 11, 2008, 01:54 PM

Leave this girl alone, she is obviously way to needy and dependent... really not good for an LDR... let her learn to stand on her own two feet before she is worthy of your attention... you seem to know what you want and are capable enough to be alone and happy, she needs to learn those same values. If you jump back in with her, she will probably do the same thing; leave you for another guy again. Someone so immature and dependent isn't worth your time.

confused25 · Mar 11, 2008, 03:43 PM

It all comes down to what you want. If you want to work things out with this girl then you'll need to call her back. She has made it pretty clear that she will do anything to make it work so now you must decide if you want to take that chance. If you don't want her back than the rest is easy--ignore her calls and move on.

If you decide that you do want to work things out than you need to take things slow. You can't just jump back into the relationship. You need to be in control and you need to let her know that you would like to try things again, but that you two first need to discuss where the relationship went wrong. This discussion will have to include the fact that you want this to be a serious and committed relationship, which means you do not want either one of you dating anyone else. Acknowledge the fact that a long distance relationship can be tough and lonely, but despite this a relationship is about getting through the good and bad times.

You know, a lot of guys on this forum would love to be in your position right now. It's not often that an ex is so quick to come begging for you to take them back. Be humble and understanding in this situation. If you want her back don't wait too long to return her calls. At the same time though, keep your defenses up because there is no way of knowing what will happen next. Keep us up-to-date.

TrueFaith · Mar 11, 2008, 03:49 PM

You brake up for a reason man move on :) you can find sometime so much better out there?

If you really loved her dude and you wasn't a smart man. You wouldn't have any doubts and you would jump right in there

I think your mind is telling you that this is not good.

Wish you all the luck

Regards

confused25 · Mar 11, 2008, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

you brake up for a reason man move on

Sometimes we break up for the wrong reasons. The reason could be due to a stupid mistake one of the partners made, it could be because of an outside force that neither one had control over, or simply bad timing. Whatever the reason, there is nothing wrong with giving a relationship a second chance as long as both individuals are willing to work together on the issues that caused the problem in the first place.

Windshield21 · Mar 11, 2008, 08:43 PM

Well it kind of turned into a "I'm willing to do anything but that". So I'm totally cool and told her I was like if that is your decision then I am never talking to you again this is the last time we will ever talk. Tomorrow I am going to go over to get my hoodie and stuff she has for me and that is the last time I will ever be around her I told her it will only make it harder for her not for me. She was like I want to be in a relationship with you but not right now. And I told her I'm not dealing with that.. I was like maybe the wussy me would have but not anymore. The thing that threw me off was she was like I can't be with so and so if that means I will never be with you... and then she is like I don't know how long I will stay with him but I'm not breaking up with him now. So I don't care I gave her far more chances then I ever should have and she blew everyone of them. So she gets no more.. I will update on how tomorrow goes. Even though I am not going away from my point of never talking to her again. I'm sticking to that.

confused25 · Mar 11, 2008, 09:34 PM

Who does this girl think she is! "I want to be with you, but not yet because I have a boyfriend that I refuse to break up with." That is ridiculous! I'm glad you have the strength to tell her that you won't play this stupid game anymore.

You handled this very well. You were mature, you gave her a chance, and she just blew it big time. It's time to find a real woman. Let us know what happens. Above all though, congratulations on dealing with this situation with confidence.

Windshield21 · Mar 12, 2008, 06:59 AM

Yeah I dealt with it better because I knew exactly what she was going to say. She threw out the fact that she was like "well it doesn't matter you cheated on me and you went to parties the whole time we were dating" and "you never loved me" and yada yada yada... she is going to hate her self for doing this but its not my problem anymore. When I see her today though I'm going to restate it and be like... this is the last time we will ever talk and you will ever see me. And then she will say something like why are you doing this to me... to which I will respond you did this to yourself... you made this decision when you decided to date someone else and then when you blew every chance I gave you to make it right. And if she really can't live without me well then I guess she will find out pretty soon. I'm going over in a few hours.. I'll update when I get back... I know she is going to use this opportunity to try to get me to come back... but it won't work.. nothing she could say or do would make me come back around.

COOKIE MONSTER · Mar 12, 2008, 12:43 PM

Good On You Sticking To Your Guns

Windshield21 · Mar 12, 2008, 02:07 PM

Well that was fun. She cried a lot and begged me to just be her friend and swore to me that if we could just be friends we would be together again. She admitted I was better then the other dude and she would rather be with me. Along with like a million other things. But all it came down to... was she still decided to stay with him. And I decided to never talk to her again. She said I didn't love her and if I did I would want to be her friend. But I didn't budge... I told her nothing would make me change my mind unless she broke up with him. In this case I was not in the wrong asking her to choose was I?

COOKIE MONSTER · Mar 12, 2008, 02:56 PM

No you wasntin the wrong
She is for saying she would do anything and then sticking with this guy when she says she wants to be with you I don't get her at all
I bet this guy doesn't no what she's been saying to you,I feel sorry for him he doesn't no what he's getting himself into

ihatewestseneca · Mar 12, 2008, 03:25 PM

You weren't wrong at all. She wants it to work out with you but refuses to break up with this other guy? If I remember correctly they haven't been together too long have they? She's probably still infatuated with him... poor confused girls miss out on great guys all the time because they don't realize what they had until its too late, or even more sad, they never even realize it.

Windshield... you are a tough guy! I think I would've caved... but probably only if she dumped the other guy. But with the knowledge I have now, I wouldn't jump right back in.

Anyway, you handled this whole situation amazingly and dumpees should study your story and take notes on how to stand on their own two feet. Great job, and good luck to you.

Windshield21 · Mar 12, 2008, 03:47 PM

She told me she is only with him because he is there. And is fully aware he is a rebound.. And she was like "if I break up with him then I would be alone, and why would I want to do that". I told her there is nothing wrong with being alone and if you took these two months off until summer maybe you would figure out what you really want be it staying with him or wanting to work things out with me. She has pretty much concreted it in my head, to me anyway.. that he is only with her to have sex with her( and she just won't accept it) but whatever that is her problem now. Thanks for all the continued support in this hopefully concluded situation... even though she told me she would still call me out of habit... and would love it if I picked up... but no thanks. She definitely did her best to make this as hard as possible but I can't back down now!

ihatewestseneca · Mar 12, 2008, 04:17 PM

The sad thing is that even if we tell them that its okay to be alone, these needy girls just can't accept that. For some reason they need to be with someone... its crazy, I've actually benefited from being single. I was going to go to my ex's college next semester and end up paying a lot of money. Instead, I'm not staying local, and going to college for almost nothing while getting a better education.

That girl may have caused much unneeded financial debt... now I realize that I have to do what's best for me, and then my significant other. However I currently have no significant other so its all me, and I'm kind of liking it, a lot.

confused25 · Mar 12, 2008, 08:32 PM

I have no idea what's running through this girls head. How can she even consider that what she is doing is okay? It's wrong on so many levels. My friend, you did everything right. Don't ever allow yourself to be a pawn in someone else's game. If she calls don't pick up, she is not worth your time.