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caligirlrider · Mar 9, 2008, 01:41 PM

I am new to this site, but found it very interesting. I'm hoping I can maybe get some help to my question. I have a friend that I care very deeply for that was married to a sociopath for many years. She still continues to try and cause problems, but he also can't seem to get past what she has done and have a "normal" relationship because of her. How can I help him as I care very much for him.

Ash123 · Mar 9, 2008, 02:14 PM

Well, how do you define "sociopath" ? What did they do?

N0help4u · Mar 9, 2008, 03:04 PM

He may need to go to therapy and discuss how he has a fear of other people having the same behaviors and so he is having trust issues he can't overcome.

caligirlrider · Mar 9, 2008, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

Well, how do you define "sociopath" ? What did they do?

This is a sociopath:

The main characteristic of a sociopath is a disregard for the rights of others. Sociopaths are also unable to conform to what society defines as a normal personality. Antisocial tendencies are a big part of the sociopath’s personality. This pattern usually comes into evidence around the age of 15. If it is not treated, it can develop into adulthood.

Visible symptoms include physical aggression and the inability to hold down a steady job. The sociopath also finds it hard to sustain relationships and shows a lack of regret in his or her actions. A major personality behavior trait is the violation of the rights of others. This can appear as a disregard for the physical or sexual wellbeing of another.

Although these symptoms are all present, they may not always be evident. Research has shown that the sociopath is usually a person with an abundance of charm and wit. He or she may appear friendly and considerate, but these attributes are usually superficial. They are used as a way of blinding the other person to the personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.

Many people with antisocial personality disorder frequently indulge in alcohol or drug use. They may use these substances heavily as a way of heightening their antisocial personality. The sociopath sometimes sees the world on his or her own terms, as a place of high drama and risky thrills. The sociopath may suffer from low self esteem, and the use of alcohol and drugs is a way to diminish these feelings.

This lady he was married to has numerous affairs on him. The last one was with an ex-con that she would take to dinner with their children who were young at the time. She continually lied.

N0help4u · Mar 9, 2008, 03:18 PM

Under a broad definition of socio path many people have little regard for others feelings
Nowadays. Many guys and girls go out with the guy they are cheating with and take their kids and give no concern to what they do. I don't think they are sociopaths so much as really
Inconsiderate and only thinking of their own selfish wants.
He needs somebody he can talk to to help him overcome the nightmares of the things she pulled on him. He needs to realize that many people in this world do care and he needs to find the ones that do and run from the ones that don't

caligirlrider · Mar 9, 2008, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Under a broad definition of socio path many people have little reguard for others feelings
nowadays. Many guys and girls go out with the guy they are cheating with and take their kids and give no concern to what they do. I don't think they are sociopaths so much as really
inconsiderate and only thinking of their own selfish wants.
He needs somebody he can talk to to help him overcome the nightmares of the things she pulled on him. He needs to realize that many people in this world do care and he needs to find the ones that do and run from the ones that don't

I can say that he has told me, other than his parents I have been the only one he has confided in which makes me feel awesome. I hold his heart and his feelings in the palm of my hand like I would a newborn because he means that much to me. He has endured more than any man I can honestly say. I think the thing that attracted me most to him more so than his looks, was that he is a fantastic father to his two wonderful kids. Thank you all for your honesty.

N0help4u · Mar 9, 2008, 04:23 PM

No doubt he is hurting and it is good he has a friend like you.

Ash123 · Mar 9, 2008, 07:07 PM

Well, I assume the subtext here is you are planning a relationship?

A few things to consider:

1) careful not to make the saving of him the core of your relationship
- if so, it cannot ever be the relationship you want because it imay lack equal partnership.
I hope he can give to you as much as he can.

2) he may be recovering from this a while. So beware.

3) he sounds like a nice guy, but perhaps a bit too nice. He got rolled over. Try to see how he may lead as well.

Good luck. He is lucky to have you as a friend.

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