[catsareniice1]

My husband was unfaithful in our marriage. He left me a few months ago and we are divorcing.

What I am having the most trouble with is why in the last year of our marriage he was not nice to me even when I was in a very good mood? Does anyone know why someone cheating would be so mean to their spouse? I am having great difficulty with this.

Do cheating spouses usually feel guilt?

Thank you.

[CaptainForest]

Who says you were nice?

You say it, but does that mean he thought you were nice? There is this person I know. Annoying as hell but they think they are a nice and pleasant.

That being said, even if you are a nice person, perhaps your husband doesn't think it. Perhaps your little annoying traits got on his nerves. And trust me, everyone has annoying traits... even me!

Perhaps he was mean to you to push you away as he felt guilty for sleeping around on you.

There are many possibilities.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I agree with the Captain... It's tough to know why he might have been mean.

If you really were making an effort to get along and be "nice", I suspect that he was feeling ashamed of his behaviour and being mean to you was his way of distancing himself.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is no "one type" of a spouse male or female that cheats. A person who cheats may be bold and though it up in your face, be proud of it, or they may lie about it to the end.

A person is feels bad about it, often stops or gets used to it, and anger could be anything from being tired to listening about it, to their way of trying to justify you leaving or trying to make you leave.

A person who cheats normally does not really care enough for their family, so "feeling bad" is not really something that happens.

First why even care why they are acting a certain way, you need to try and get over not justify or even understand. You are trying to place blame somewhere for his actions, just put the blame on him, on his stupidity.

Basically if you have to come to some grip, he did not care enough to be faithful, so he did not care enough latter in the relationship to even be civil. What you were seeing is just his true nature and personality, not hiden by false dreams and love.

[bizygurl]

I think he was being mean to you in the first place because he was cheating. I've seen that usually the spouse that is doing the cheating is "looking" for away to push their spouse away. Its done out of guilt or that they really don't want to look like the bad guy when they say they are leaving you. They make everything your fault, pick on you about the stupidest things so that when they say that the'yre leaving they have convinced themselves that it was you that drove them away. It takes the guilt off them.

You could look at it from Captain Forests view. We don't know if you were the mean one and drove him away, which could very well be the case. But Im giving you the benfit of the doubt. That could explain why he was so mean to you.

[fredg]

Hi,
Divorce is a nasty business, with bad feelings sometimes. I was divorced after my first 7 yrs of marriage, but remarried now for 29 yrs.
If you two got along as a "happily married couple", you wouldn't be divorcing right now. So, don't be at all surprised at how he acts now, or how you act.
He wants out of the marriage, and it really doesn't matter to him now if he is "nice" about the whole thing or not.
If you ask for alimony in any way, his mood will get worse! I do wish you the best of luck.

[JoeCanada76]

He obvously had other things going on and maybe he was wanting to be that way to you so you would leave him so he would not have to hurt you in other ways. By being mean to you he thought maybe you would leave and that would make it easier on him. What do you think? Does this make sense. I do believe the pressures of everything was making him take it out on you. Who really knows what was going on in his head. It is better now that you are divorcing and worrying about why he behaved a certain way will not help you move on which is what you need to do.