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Abe36 · Mar 2, 2008, 09:59 PM

My son is 16 and has moved out about 2 weeks ago. He is on drugs, has dropped out of school and is disrespectful to me. His father is rich and has two other sons and does not help him because of his drug problems and because he says he has to think of his other two kids.
I have called children's Aid, counsellors and crisis lines but they have been no help to us.
I wanted him to know that I think about him and I love him; therefore, I was writing him emails that I love him and I want him back but today, he sent a message through a friend that if I don't stop emailing him, he would get a restraining order against me.
I am so depressed and sad. I don't know what to do? People, specially my best friend, blame me for his behavior and that his moving out. They say he was so innocent and because of my restrictions and rules, he has turned this way. I have lost my son on one hand and on the other hand, my friends and other people's judgment. I have no support and I don't know what to do? Since last two weeks, I have got two infections and I cannot stop crying. Can you help me?

hkstroud · Mar 2, 2008, 11:04 PM

It is not, repeat not your fault. Do not under any circumstance let anyone tell you that it is. We all make choices, even at sixteen. There is nothing that you can at this time to change the addiction. His father is correct in not enabling him and you should also stop enabling. Only when he decides, will there be a change.
You can love him but you can do nothing else.
I strongly suggest that you find a AlAnon group for parents of alcoholics and addicts. Their focus will be on helping you with your life in spite of the addiction.
Start making those calls, not for him, but for yourself.

bushg · Mar 5, 2008, 08:06 AM

He would get a restraining order against me.

He can't do this. You can go to the police and file charges against him for running away. If someone is harboring your son and helping him let the police know where he is. When the police pick him up don't answer the phone let them take him to juvie. When you go before the judge request a drug test and let the judge handle it from there.
You need to get some type of emotional support. Talk to counselors, hopefully they can help. Also where I live there is an organization for single parents check your area, I know they can be very helpful to single parents that are facing tough times.

Alty · Mar 5, 2008, 09:10 AM

I don't have any advice for you, I don't know what the laws are where you live. I do want to say that none of this is your fault, you are obviously a loving caring mother and you have done your best. The ball is now in your sons court, he has to figure out his life. I think that tough love is called for, if he does want to come back I would either deny his request or put very strict rules in place if he is to be allowed to move back in. For now, find help for yourself, there doesn't seem to be anything you can do for him at this time.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

Abe36 · Mar 8, 2008, 05:53 PM

It is great to know that there are people who support you. Thank you. Here in Canada, kids 16 years of age can leave home and do as they please. I cannot do anything about it. I have gone to Al-Anon group for support. This group was great support even though it is not mainly for drug.