[pinkcookiejar]

Hi this is my first time here, I'm not sure if this question has been asked but I really need help here!

I'm a 20-year-old girl who recently ended a dating relationship with a 22-year-old guy. He asked me to be his girlfriend in December but I said I was not ready and he continued treating me like his girlfriend.

One month ago, he started talking about this new girl around school, whom he has known since last August. I became jealous and cried in front of him but I didn't tell him I was jealous. What was worst was that I had given him the cold shoulder a week before I found out about the new girl.

The day I cried he told me maybe we should be friends first and that I always giving him the cold shoulder for no reason, without telling him. He said he needed time to think whether we really needed each other, and that he still treated me more than a friend.

I thought it meant he didn't like me anymore and I was very emotional and I kept thinking about the new girl, even though he tried to reassure me that nothing happened.

In the 2nd week, my friends were hounding him about me and the other girl and he finally said he did not like me as much as before.

In the 3rd week, he did not contact me until my friend's party one weekend to ask me where it was. During the party, he tried to talk to me but I avoided him. After the party ended, I went home, felt so bad that I sent him an emotional message. He was shocked and said he thought everything was okay.

In the 4th week, it was Valentine's Day week and I decided to meet him on the 15th to give him a letter explaining my actions. Now I realised that a letter was the wrong move. He was being really nice to me and it felt like before but I gave him really non-interested replies. After he read the letter, he said he really felt like talking to me but he was busy. I saw him studying with the girl and another friend and I felt so bad but I didn't not ask him about it.

In the 5th week, I tried to message him and ask him how was his work and weekend but I could feel his response was back to the 2nd week, where he said he did not like me as much.

In the 6th week, I asked him when he wanted to talk to me and every time we set a time/place, he would say he forgot or he fell asleep. Finally, I had one hour to him in the car and I asked him about the letter. He said he found it hard to communicate with me because he did not want to say the wrong things and see me cry. I called him up a day later to ask him what was our status and he said "just friends" and I forced him to make a decision on meeting me to talk about the letter.

My friend told me it was the wrong move and I cancelled the meeting. At night, he asked me whether I could talk on the phone but I did not reply his message. At 5am, he asked if I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I was awake and I said sorry, I fell asleep and that I felt we were actually not ready to talk about anything, since he felt like he couldn't communicate with me. He said he was afraid of saying the wrong things and he did not want to see me cry. I said that we would talk when we felt ready and his reply was "okay sure..but you can look for me anytime you are bored or need someone to talk to! I will try my best to listen to you.."

I know I have pushed him to the maximum. I also discovered that he took out my picture from his wallet.

I've been reading a lot on how to get your boyfriend back.. but he was never my boyfriend. However, I really feel he is special to me and I want to try over again.

It has been 5 weeks since he said he did not like me anymore. Please help me!

I know I have to regain my life back in order and have fun in front of him, show him I've changed my reckless ways in our relationship but I'm still the same fun person I used to be and all. Does it really work?

Please help!

[justcurious55]

You need help. And should not be in any datng relationsships right now. Re-read your post. Over and over again you I've him the cold shoulder without telling him why, he tries to get through, you cry but then blow him off more, you complain that he doesn't have time for you but then when he does have time oyu blow him off again. No wonder he doesn't like you anymore, you're nothing but drama, drama, drama. And then you're jealous because he's TALKING to another girl? That's just screams "i have no self esteem!" you need to do a lot of work on yourself before you can even consider dating. Look at this relationship as a practice run that is over. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

[pinkcookiejar]

you need help. and should not be in any datng relationsships right now. re-read your post. over and over again you ive him the cold shoulder without telling him why, he tries to get through, you cry but then blow him off more, you complain that he doesn't have time for you but hten when he does have time oyu blow him off again. no wonder he doesn't like you anymore, you're nothing but drama, drama, drama. and then you're jealous because he's TALKING to another girl? that's just screams "i have no self esteem!" you need to do a lot of work on yourself before you can even consider dating. look at this relationship as a practice run that is over. learn from your mistakes and move on.

Hi, thanks. I think that's a great answer. I'm really learning about myself right now and I am moving on. I'm no longer thinking so much about him and I don't want him to see me as a burden anymore.

Is it even remotely possible, that we can be friends again and that I'd be able to show him that I've changed for the better? And that we can rekindle what we used to have?

[justcurious55]

That's great that you're moving on. And if you guys can be friends later on that's great too. But don't do it to show him how you've changed, that shows you haven't because you're still just doing things to get his attention. I wouldn't hold out hope for any rkindling because it really doesn'ts ound like you had much to begin with, it was a short lived relationship that sounds like it had more drama than good times

[pinkcookiejar]

that's great that you're moving on. and if you guys can be friends later on thats great too. but don't do it to show him how you've changed, that shows you haven't because you're still just doing things to get his attention. i wouldn't hold out hope for any rkindling because it really doesn'ts ound like you had much to begin with, it was a short lived relationship that sounds like it had more drama than good times

Hmm.. I see. Yes that sounds really reasonable.

We were friends and then we became best friends.. and in between we liked each other but it took a while for him to say so..

I know I shouldn't hold out for any hope, it's really hard. But I strongly believe he is really special and that should things improve.. we will have more good times than drama because the drama came from me.

[JoeCanada76]

You also need to figure out why you get jealous so easily, and you said you did not tell him but by crying in front of him. Your telling him that your desperate. No one likes a desperate women.

I think that you need to figure out why you get so jealous and learn and grow from this experience. You need to also realise that this person is probably going to be with another person.

Like you said, you're the one that caused the drama, learn from it and grow and better a better person for yourself. Next time you get into any kind of relationship with other people. You will have an idea, how to go about the relationship without getting all jealous.

[pinkcookiejar]

You also need to figure out why you get jealous so easily, and you said you did not tell him but by crying in front of him. Your telling him that your desperate. No one likes a desperate women.

I think that you need to figure out why you get so jealous and learn and grow from this experience. You need to also realise that this person is probably going to be with another person.

Like you said, your the one that caused the drama, learn from it and grow and better a better person for yourself. Next time you get into any kind of relationship with other people. You will have an idea, how to go about the relationship without getting all jealous.

Yes, I like him so much that I viewed any new girl as a threat.

I understand now that I have to be confident and love myself again. In order for anyone to love me.

Even though I feel he's really special, compared to all the guys I've met so far, is there no chance at all that he will like me again even though I'm determined to be confident about myself?

[JoeCanada76]

There is always a possibility but for now, you need to let go of it. Whatever may happen in the future no one can tell, but I will say for sure that if it does not happen. One day you will find even somebody more special. It will always happen when you least expect it. Just for now focus on getting more confident in yourself. You never know what may happen. Best wishes and I am sure everything will work out for the best.

[pinkcookiejar]

There is always a possibility but for now, you need to let go of it. Whatever may happen in the future no one can tell, but I will say for sure that if it does not happen. One day you will find even somebody more special. It will always happen when you least expect it. Just for now focus on getting more confident in yourself. You never know what may happen. Best wishes and I am sure everything will work out for the best.

Thank you all so much for all your advice. I really appreciate it.
I wish I had sought online help much sooner. Instead of eventually pushing him away to this extent.
I do want to be more confident. And I don't want to do it because I want to show him how I've changed anymore.
I understand it has to be for myself.
People always say first loves don't work out. Well.. like you said, I never know what will happen in the future. And I'd be sure to seek help here!

[talaniman]

Your inability to communicate with him, pretty much ran him off. Learn to express yourself. Guys are notorious for lack of communication skills. Remember that in the future.

[pinkcookiejar]

Yeah we had communication problems.
We saw it but we didn't work on it enough.
I was too stubborn and he was too nice..
Don't know what the future holds but I have to be confident again.

Oh I would really like to ask you guys how should I react when I see him around?
We're still in the same college and we even stay in the same dorm
And we have tons of mutual friends
I can't delete him off my msn because he would know, should I?
And I should stop texting him this very moment, yes?

[s_cianci]

Ever hear of the phrase "beating a dead horse"? That's what you're doing here. He asked you to "be his girlfriend" back in December, you told him "you weren't ready" so he responded accordingly. Now, let me ask you this: have your feelings so suddenly changed, are you now suddenly "ready"? Or are you simply attracted to him because he's unavailable? As it is, anyone on this forum will tell you to always take your time, don't rush into anything and don't appear desperate or needy. I think you need to take a step back, take a hiatus from men for a while and get a proper perspective on things. When you do meet someone who interests you, don't rush into anything and don't expect them to either. It would seem that telling him that you weren't ready back in December was the right thing to od, but you since blew it by becoming too pushy and needy.

[pinkcookiejar]

Hi, yes thanks I do agree I need a break and get a proper perspective.
That's what I'm doing right now.

It's not that I'm suddenly ready, I realised I have always liked him a lot and now I know I didn't know how to communicate those feelings to him.

I agree I blew it. And it's not that I'm hoping for a second chance because I've scared him off. But I do want to regain my confidence and composure and I have stopped showing him that I'm desperate.

What should I do when I see him around?
And what about msn and texting?