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Renee31 · Feb 28, 2008, 10:21 AM

I've been with my current boyfriend since I was 18, I am now 21, we have lived together for almost a year, but when he gets an attitude he takes it out on me, by withdrawing, non affectionate, and mean to me , when I wasn't the cause of his attitude in the first place. What should I do??

ISneezeFunny · Feb 28, 2008, 10:35 AM

Immaturity? Anger issues?

emopunk7 · Feb 28, 2008, 10:36 AM

Umm... how about leaving him alone when he is feeling that way. That would help. I wouldn't want my girlfriend all over me or expecting of me when I'm upset. I need some space. Everyone deals with things differently.

kp2171 · Feb 28, 2008, 10:45 AM

well.. he's acting childish.

I'm an irish-serb guy with a temper. My wife's italian. Talk about a hot blooded household! Occasionally it goes nuclear, but really rarely... I think how you treat and talk to your mate is important. Especially when there are children in the home.

here's a cute aside... when I get really mad, I try not to yell. So I do what most guys do when you can't blow up... I internalize it. So id have an argument with my wife, who would be COMPLETELY unreasonable and illogical =) and finally id throw up my hands, leave the room and stop talking to her. So mad I just couldn't talk anymore.

often id go around the house stomping, picking things up, or cleaning dishes, etc.

one day it dawned on me... my Master Plan wasn't working as id hoped!. instead of seeing the folly of her ways, it seemed like she didn't mind at all that I was punishing her by shutting the hell up and cleaning house! When I informed her that I just realized maybe it was a bad plan, she lamented. Said she was sad that the "punishment" program would be ending. Guys are so stupid and girls are mean, as my grandmother used to say.

back to you. What to do?

try to talk it out and be reasonable. You get the respect you demand, and sometimes not that. A "great guy" who is verbally and emotionally abusive isn't great, and you know this... you just would rather fix the problem than start over again.

when he acts like this be polite and calm and tell him this isn't appropriate. If he has issues with you, he needs to use his words, not attitude. The more you can communicate, the better... there are times still when I get pi$$ed... ill leave the room in a fury, but take a breath, calm down, and go back in and tell her what I'm thinking respectfully...

she takes this action as my attempt to solve the problem and not let it hang over the house all weekend or night.

so... things get intense in relationships from time to time. We really haven't even discussed the source of his frustration, which is really where you need to go to prevent him from even having to control himself... what's setting him off? Is there some issue or pattern? I know sometimes I need my "cave time" to be alone... but I ask for it, or she reads me well, and my wife understands what that means.

take the high ground as best you can and demand what you expect from a mate. Make yourself clear. Give him a chance to step up and do what you need. After that... its time for counseling or time to evaluate whether you are willing to suffer needless noise from a man acting like a boy.

talaniman · Feb 28, 2008, 12:15 PM

take the high ground as best you can and demand what you expect from a mate. Make yourself clear. Give him a chance to step up and do what you need. After that... its time for counseling or time to evaluate whether you are willing to suffer needless noise from a man acting like a boy.

Let him know you will not tolerate being disrespected. When he is calm.