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melissa1989 · Feb 27, 2008, 09:21 PM

Me an my boyfriend have been datin for 4 or 5 years on an off an every time something happens we break up an maybe like a couple of weeks or maybe a month later we have gotten back together. The thing is now we've been through so much that I love him with all my heart but I'm not happy anymore an I can't bring myself to tell him or say that I don't want to be with him anymore, if I say I don't want to do it anymore then he always finds a way to change my mind an either way it goes I'm NEVER EVER really happy anymore I don't want to be mean an break his heart but how can I find happiness but at the same time not be mean to him?

ISneezeFunny · Feb 27, 2008, 09:33 PM

... something tells me you're pretty young. How old are you?

If you're not happy anymore, nothing more you can do. You're only hurting yourself (and possibly him) by delaying the inevitable. Tell him that you love him, but you just don't see it working. You can't control how he feels about the situation. Sorry. It sucks to have to break up with someone, and he may resent you for you breaking up with him, but it's better now than later.

Sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel. Don't blame things on him. Just tell him it's not working out.

Wish you the best.

JBeaucaire · Feb 28, 2008, 02:12 AM

I agree. You can't have it both ways, I wish you could. Being the person "broken up with" means it's going to hurt him... that is if he cares for you, too, it will! It can't be avoided, and you shouldn't avoid it.

But, if you DO love him, then do the loving thing and give him his life back now so he can start the healing process and get on with the business of meeting other people. The same goes for you.

My take on this is that your relationship has been a success, not a failure. You can tell him that. You love each other, and that's a great reason to try making a go with someone. But dating is about "learning if you're compatible for forever" and that's what you've decided you two aren't going to have.

"Even though I love you, I absolutely do not see us married w/kids. I expect this will make you angry, but honesty is what you deserve and I don't want to waste any more of your life since I know I'm going to be moving on anyway, so I'm ending it now and I wish you only the best."

The only tragedy in dating is ending up married to someone you shouldn't have been just because of "love" feelings. That's sad. Dating someone, loving them, and moving on when you realize it's NOT a forever match, that's dating WORKING. Bravo.