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tommy10 · Feb 27, 2008, 01:41 PM

I am a divorced dad with 2 small children(they live with their mom). I am set to be married in April but am in need of some advice. Being divorced I pay a large part of my salary to child support and alimony. In doing this I don't have much left over, I have enough for my bills with a little left at the end of the month.

My main question is even though my wife to be is aware of this, I'm afraid she will one day start to look down on the situation as I just don't have a lot of funds right now. She receives child support from her ex and is used to a certain standard of living. Is this a common fear for men in my situation? Just wondering what would be appropriate for me to contribute and how much I should take on as far as responsibility ,money wise, for her kids. Any input would be appreciated as I do love her and want her to be happy as well.

Gregisteredtrademark · Feb 27, 2008, 02:06 PM

I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with her before you get married again. I am in a similar situation and I have very open and honest dialogue with my future wife about everything including my fears. If she loves you enough to marry you, she should love you enough to respect your concerns and work out a solution.

As far as her kids, I am going to assume they live with her and in turn will live with you correct? You have to go in this with your eyes open, her kids to some degree will be yours as well (not legally unless you adopt) after all they would be with you most the time (depending on the arrangement). You have to look at it that way. You are in a partnership so you both have to put everything into it together. I fear if you do some sort of a 70/30 split in regards to finances, it might be over before it begins. Good luck and I hope my thoughts help.

topladyj · Feb 27, 2008, 02:40 PM

Well If she loves you and you love her money won't matter at all. It is always nice to have though. Now if she is a gold digger then this may be an issue. I hope she has a job too. And everything should be fine. I wouldn't tell her to get a job if she is NOT working. But she should work to since she has kids as well. I am sure it is a common thing in men, but most men are afraid of losing it all to the wife. If you to are happy go for it, life is to short to worry all the time enjoy the moment and your fiancé. :)