[brownbunch]

I have three childrend and recently moved in with a man who has three children to three different women (all the children live with him) and he has a step son who comes to stay whenever he feels like it. The step son seems well adjusted as does the eldest son - it is, however, a very disfunctional family. My main problem is the daughter who is a compulsive/chronic liar. She has recently involved my eldest son in her love affair with a 17 year old boy who has been having sex with her since the age of twelve. This boy has a criminal record and is currently in juvenille detention. He has threatened to kill my son and has attacked him at a shopping centre. I am dealing with this through the local authorities. My problem is that I do not feel safe living with a person who lies so easily, readily and ridiculously unbelievable lies which are obvious and she denies lying when confronted. I have tried to gentle approach and to reach out and try to communicate with her but, she shruggs her shoulders and refuses to talk. I, myself, have had to deal with a bipolar child and I was recently attacked and am on anti-depressants, my depression is controlled and I do not feel bad in anyway, however, I do not feel that I can take this child's problems on. She has stolen from her father, she goes out when he is not home and does not return until late at night and sometimes the following morning. She calls her dad the worst imaginable names, she comes home high on drugs, she continues to see this boy who hits and rapes her. The boy has called me at home and tried to get me to drop the charges that my son has placed on him. Basically, I do not know if I should stay here as I am in constant fear, wondering what she is capable of or her boyfriend. He also has a young son aged 8 who I get along with and I try to spend time with him, cuddling him etc, but he does not show respect and he is not disciplined, I have been giving him punishments when he is out of line or disrespectful, usually time out in his room or extra chores and at times. Lines (the ones we use to do in school), I have noticed he is taking after his sister with the lying and yelling at his father, I have brought it to my parnters attention and he tries but often fails to carry through with consequences. However, I love my parnter dearly, he is a very good man and I know if I move out, it will put a strain on the relationship and because he has three children and I have three, it will become difficult to see each other as neither of the children enjoy going from house to house constantly. PLEASE HELP WITH ADVISE. THANKS.

[simoneaugie]

You and your partner need to 'gang up' on the kids. Do couples counselling and get on the same page. If you are willing to help with his children, you need his support and the authority to make consequences happen.

[squeaks77]

If you can't get your man to "man up", you need to think of what's safe for YOUR children. I know you love your man and I'm sure at least fond of his children, but your children need to be your highest priority.

[Edible]

Lay the smack down. Tell her to stop or there is nothing for her there.

[Choux]

You have to be honest with yourself and admit it was a big mistake to try to blend your two families that each had very serious problems. All the problems are magnified in this situation with step-parents.

I would advise separating the two families into two households; I can foresee even worse problems than what has developed so far.

We all have to admit to ourselves what we are capable of doing, problems we are capable of handling...

I wish you the best of luck in 2008,