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Delow84 · Feb 17, 2008, 08:31 PM

Definitely a good idea, I carry my camera around withme now, I took a ton of pics when I got home. She is really bossy, I'm always surrounded with bossy girls >.<. She got sleepy and cried till I got on me knees so she could lay under, and between my legs. Then I laid her on my bed and went in later, she lifted her head and looked at me, I laid mine where she had hers... she cried until I moved my head and she laid right back down and fell asleep lol. Pets are wonderful distractions.

friend4u178 · Feb 17, 2008, 08:37 PM

You should really get her used to sleeping in her own Basket or whatever , a good little trick is to put an old clock that ticks under her blanket , it replicates the sound of the mothers heartbeat. Try it , it works.

And looking forward to see the pic!

Delow84 · Feb 17, 2008, 08:40 PM

You but atm I'm staying at my moms because I still need to clean up my apt after my roommate left >.< I don't mind the sleeping on a bed, but right now she is so small I will definitely make her a bed, and try the clock thing, that's a great idea! Thanks

Delow84 · Feb 20, 2008, 08:29 AM

So, had a great weekend, talked to that chick Ky a bit more. And our date today is set... but now I'm getting nervous lol. I haven't ever been on a date date... and haven't gone out with anyone since my ex, which means since high school...

So we are meeting up at starbucks in a book store... going to talk about art and she is going to show me some of her work etc... And a girl I'm friends with at her work mentioned some things about her... well she sounds like a GREAT girl so I guess I'm intimidated now. I don't want to make a bad impression or anything.

Not getting my hopes up or anything, I mean no matter what happens I made a cool friend, but I don't know how observant I am on if a girl is feeling me you know?

HistorianChick · Feb 20, 2008, 08:33 AM

Darling Delow, just be yourself and she will be enamored, hooked, gone, over-the-moon! :)

Starbucks! Greeeaaaat choice. Jazz, strong coffee, awesome atmosphere... can't go wrong.

YAY! :) I'm happy for you!

Delow84 · Feb 20, 2008, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Darling Delow, just be yourself and she will be enamored, hooked, gone, over-the-moon! :)

Starbucks! Greeeaaaat choice. Jazz, strong coffee, awesome atmosphere... can't go wrong.

YAY! :) I'm happy for you!

"Just be yourself" I knew I'd hear that, but I guess hearing it from someone else just sounds better lol. Thanks HC :)

And you starbucks sounded great... I mean art... books... coffee (hot chocolate for me lol) and music... thought it was a good idea at the time. Well she seems like a great girl, hopefully I can live up to my expectations of myself and make a good impression :P

talaniman · Feb 20, 2008, 09:12 AM

Forget everything but the fun, make her smile, laugh, and just have fun. Hey you're a Texan, and that's what we do.

diya · Feb 20, 2008, 09:24 AM

Make the most of it while the sun shines... Live the moment and u'll go with the flow... all the best!

Delow84 · Feb 20, 2008, 07:17 PM

So, she had said to meet around 6ish... so I get there about 10 min before, looked at books, looking for one on Papillons, bought a hot chocolate... and around 630 I sent her a message asking if she forgot about me. Well seems we miscommunicated and she went to another starbucks, but didn't have time to meet up cause of a previous dinner with a friend and she hangs with her mom on weds.

Now I felt like I was being blown off at first, but she made a comment that she works tomorrow and I could come up to see her, and we could meet up Sunday cause she is off... So I don't know what to think, just bad luck today? But she IS interested, or she isn't and is trying to like let me down easy I guess. I don't know.

Is her offering up me coming to see her, and Sunday a good thing?

friend4u178 · Feb 20, 2008, 07:32 PM

Chill out Delow. You don't want to seem needy do you?

Go see her and have a good time with no expectations , then if something becomes of it all good. If it doesn't you've found a new friend.

Delow84 · Feb 20, 2008, 08:26 PM

True true lol thanks friend :) sux being new to it all again

friend4u178 · Feb 20, 2008, 08:33 PM

LOL... just go and have a fun time and your true self will shine through.

HistorianChick · Feb 21, 2008, 06:36 AM

I agree with F4U (yet again!). Don't worry... your signals were crossed, you didn't get let down easy. She wants to meet up with you tonight! She's interested.

Go. Have a great time. Be yourself. And... (drumroll, please)... she will see what an awesome guy you are and she'll be hooked. :)

Delow84 · Feb 25, 2008, 03:10 PM

I have a routine set up for myself, so that my mind is constantly busy. I go to work, get off and spend some time with either my best friend (hes over almost everyday) and Cassie (my puuuupppyy). I drink some and play halo with jason, clean the apartment a little bit everyday. Then I put on a playlist on my computer of every sad song I can think of that reminds me of my ex. (except one that I just can't listen to) I will play it and work out for an hour or two, then lay down with Cassie and either draw or write whatever comes to my mind. Throw in a mix of going out and shooting pool, downloading movies to watch (jumper is a good movie lol) And that's my day :P

But somewhere in that seemingly boring routine I have realized a few things. One thing, which was sparked by my organizing and packing away all me and my ex's stuff. I still love her without a doubt. I found a poem to that effect that I had written for her. Again I don't think she ever saw it. I love her still, and will always love and remember her. When I am shooting pool I know that memories of teaching her how to shoot right and consistently will jump in my head. And I smile at those memories. On the flip side I know that those bad memories will come up and bite me in the butt. I don't just love who she was, I love who she IS. My love was never conditional "you have to be this way for me to love you" I loved everything about her. I wasn't so blind I couldn't see her faults, I made the conscious choice she wasn't perfect, but I thought she was perfect for me.

Now I bet your thinking "oh man relapse" lol. But far from it. I read a quote by HC earlier... and it was perfect. I am not ready to be in a relationship, or even try. And I know this because I TRY at all. :P I am happy, and sad, I am completely miserable, and yet completely satisfied.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I will win the lottery, meet a supermodel or just fall over and die. I don't know. But I DO know, when I go home tonight, my best friend will be there. Cassie will run in circles and chase me and try to entice me to play. I know I can look forward to my ferret stealing Cassie's toys and hiding them under the dresser.

I may not know what's coming over the horizon, but I sure as heck know what's already here.

And I have noticed that lately I have far less moments where I think "How could she?" or "Why?" and far more "To bad for her." "She is missing out." "her loss."

The way I see it now, If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

friend4u178 · Feb 25, 2008, 03:20 PM

Ok Delow just a couple of things

1.Love the puppy and good to see you got her pic as your avatar

2.Thinking about her and the things you did together are perfectly normal , its just with time you will do it less , its just part of the process.

3. STOP listening to sad songs that remind you of her , for now at least. Where does it get you?

4.Love the quote you put at the end of your post here :-)

The way I see it now, If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

HistorianChick · Feb 25, 2008, 03:24 PM

Dear Delow - you are doing awesome... remember that ol' Hall of Cell-Phone-Taker-Chargers? (or something like that! Lol) You're doing our elusive, illustrious, amazing ranks proud.

You're at that blessed place in the healing process where you're remembering the sweet moments, the delightful escapades, the special secrets. And, that is a wonderful place to be. But F4U is right... try mixing a few Goo Goo Dolls or Bangles in there (ok, OK, maybe not your cup of tea, but you know what I mean!) and rock out. Celebrate you-ness. Your own awesomeness.

Glad one of my quotes could help you - you always know how to reach me! :)

(BTW - love the pic of Cassie! Such a cutie!)

Delow84 · Feb 25, 2008, 03:28 PM

Thanks :) and the reason I listen to the sad music (because my friend told me to stop also) is to use it TO think about everything, and channel it into what I'm doing, like working out.
And its MUCH easier to sing along with a slow sad song then an upbeat fast tempo song, so I get to sing to Cassie lol. At least I can say I don't pull out her pics, or things that remind me of her. I don't check on her, and I've stopped looking at every yellow cobalt I see thinking it might be her lol.

I am pretty awesome lol. I taught Cassie how to sit, and shake and SOMETIMES lay down on command... 7 weeks old :P I so proud!

Lately I kept focusing on what might have been, what might be, where I might end up. But that is pretty useless thinking. Now I'm thinking, This is what is, and where I am at. And I am content with that.

HistorianChick · Feb 25, 2008, 03:31 PM

Ah, I understand now. The sweet, healing symphony of slow songs...

Understand perfectly...

Delow84 · Feb 25, 2008, 03:34 PM

Yep yep, although one song in particular I just can't listen to... "I wanna grow old with you" by adam sandler... gawd.

Anyway I would recommend listening to every sad song you know, if you're an artist, writer, or whatever, listen to it. Then do what you do. Draw, paint, write, read, dance... amazing things come from it. You will be surprised at what happens, and then even more surprised when those sad songs don't hold the same meaning they once held.

Delow84 · Mar 3, 2008, 04:10 AM

I really hate this, I can be doing soooo good... or at least think I am. I haven't checked Ex's myspace even though I have been tempted... I don't check my emails as soon as I wake up hoping for an email from her. I don't cry at the drop of a hate anymore... I don't worry about running into her like I did before.

But at night, all alone I go to sleep listening to some of the sappiest songs I can think of. Every night I ask God to help me out, I ask him to make tomorrow better then today. I day dream of so many scenarios of what I'd do in this situation, or that. And even with all that, I have maybe shed only a hand ful of tears.

Not seeing her (pictures or in person) or talking to her definitely helps, because I am sure I'd be worse if I did.

But well I did something (or am doing something) stupid now... for SOME ODD reason... I decided to play all these songs, that she sang into a microphone and I saved on my comp ( I loved when she sang, and she loved to sing) and even have a save of her singing happy birthday and "you are my sunshine" on my birthday...

Hearing her voice is tearing me up lol. It's like when you sprain your ankle and it hurts like hell, yet you keep putting a little pressure on it, or when you have a bruise and you keep poking it. It's like "stop poking it"... yet you can't help it.

Hearing my ex sing "you were mine" by the dixie chicks kills me.

This really sux. I see attractive woman all over the place, but honestly I don't care. I could bet my life that I'd recognize my ex just from a finger showing. I thought she was so beautiful... she never believed it which is I'm guessing one reason she did what she did.

I still remember every curve of her face, the way she smelled and even how she walked. Those things don't leave me alone.
Blah.
Blah

Time. Time seems to be flying by. Feels like just a few weeks ago I started posting here, and feels like just a few months ago this all happened. Yet its been so much longer. I am trying to let go and move on. I am trying to leave the past behind. And I have been doing so well. But I don't have any good true friends here where I live. I lost some of the closest friends I ever had, because I wanted my ex to believe in me... stupid.

The only way I get friends to hang out is if I buy beer (which I don't even get to drink much of it) and say "lets play halo" bleh. I am tired of video games. It is honestly one thing I did wrong in our relationship. Was play too much.

"goodbye to you" heh truer words have never been spoken (sang?)

Because I get out of work at 1030pm I can't really go out to places and meet someone... really all I got are bars and clubs... for some reason I don't do good at clubs (I think I'm a little epileptic, I passed out within 10 min because of lights and the beat and got kicked out lmao on halloween) and I just don't want to go to places like that.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have my routine keeps me busy throughout the week. But then my weekend comes along (my days off rotate) and I have nothing for all that time id be at work.

Blah I'm just venting. Time. It heals all wounds, but I'm like an elephant, I never forget. :( I think they even say that about scorpios... when we are wronged we never forget. I still have kids who picked on me in kindergarten on my metaphorical hit list. Haha joke, but I remember their names.

God... ever heard that song God must be busy? It's how I feel.