[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Une personne ne peut vivre seul, soit dans une relation

It is possible to live alone tyallen26. People constantly think that they need to be with someone to makes themselves happy. Once you are done completing yourself then you can complete another.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Here is a scenario.

Sara has always had a passion for singing but her husband thinks it is a waste of time and that she will go no where. He wants Sara to pursue in nursing, which doesn't sound thrilling to Sara. In fear that her relationship will end and wanting to make her husband happy, Sara becomes a nurse.

Please don't disect this scenario. I am just trying to prove my point.

[Wondergirl]

At my house, Sara would pursue singing by starting small to find out where a career could go. She would find other ways to bring happiness to her husband.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Can I come over? :)

[Wondergirl]

Yes, if you bring vanilla frosted chocolate cupcakes for my husband.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Do I sense sarcasm?

[tyallen26]

You know I would be the same way with "Sara" but maybe that is my problem. I let my wife do what makes her happy instead of BEING what makes her happy. Anyway I know what you are getting at. Maybe we jumped a little too soon before really knowing each other. I know people say if you love your son then stay and work it out. But life works in mysterious ways. Maybe I had to go down this road to find out who I really am. Not all is lost

[Wondergirl]

Huh? Not at all. That is one of his pleasures.

[tyallen26]

Il est mieux d'avoir aimé et perdu ensuite de n'avoir jamais aimé du tout

[Wondergirl]

I let my wife do what makes her happy instead of BEING what makes her happy.

No, you cannot make her happy and are not responsible for her happiness. You can only make you happy.

[tyallen26]

Isn't that selfish. I've been selfish in the past and see where it has gotten me. I'm just a little confused. My house doesn't feel like home and I don't know what to do about it without hurting everyone around me.

[Wondergirl]

What would make you happy?

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

No, you cannot make her happy and are not responsible for her happiness. You can only make you happy.

That is what I am saying!!

[talaniman]

Why can't we call it like it is, your mad because you haven't been forgiven enough, for the hurt you caused, and aren't patient enough to prove you have changed. Lets not forget the whirlwind love affair that had heads a spinning, but you just had to screw that up. I don't pity you one bit, because we all know it takes a helluva long time to get over that hurt, and longer to forgive, and forgetting is out. That she will never do. Now this is the bad part, You expect to get what you had back, like you have earned it or something. Your whole post is about poor little misunderstood you. (which is very telling), pity you, you deserve... blah blah, then you sit on the pity pot, and can only think of the easy road, leave. How about doing some work, besides in the bedroom, and show with actions, not words how sorry you are, and treat her like the queen, she thought she was. You at least should be happy, she didn't boot you to the curb, and that's something, so dude stop your crying, and get busy for the long haul of winning her back. Quitters never win. Questions??

[tyallen26]

Someone who likes to be treated like a lady. Cooked for, taken care of emotionally, someone who knows how to love endlessly. But most of all someone who appreciates what I have to offer. I would do ANYTHING for the right woman. I thought I made the right decision years ago with the one I have, but the more I know about what a woman likes, the more I can't use it with her.

[tyallen26]

Easy enough said. But look at the beginning of all this "love affair." why did it happen in the first place...

[talaniman]

Do you mean the cheating? That's easy you took her for granted. Then you selfishly went against your marriage vows. A big, big, mistake.

The more I know about what a woman likes, the more I can't use it with her.

Show me a man, who doesn't know how to please his woman, and I'll show you a selfish SOB, who isn't paying attention.

[confused25]

I'm sorry dude, but no real man walks out on his wife and son, especially during rough times.

In my opinion part of the problem is that she is still angry at what you did. How long ago did you cheat on her? If it's only been a couple of months or even just a year then that just isn't enough time to forgive someone who committed such a big mistake. Your life and marriage isn't going to magically become great with a few apologies and gifts. It will require A LOT of time and hard work, especially on your part.

The answer to your problems is simple in theory, you need to talk to her about everything. Sure it's hard and I believe you when you say that every time you guys talk you get in a fight. But what are you two fighting about? Let us know and maybe we can help you resolve those fights.

You cannot give up. If you truly love your wife and son you will do your best and more to fix this family. In my opinion you owe to them.

[tyallen26]

My whole point is that from the beginning we really didn't get a chance to know each other before the whirlwind of marriage, baby, me in up, and then trying to fix everything. We have come to the point where we have put the past in the past and are moving ahead. The thing is, we just don't fit. Two totally different people that got married because she got pregnant and THEN tried to be a couple. I am a very caring, affectionate person toward her and I mean it. I DO care about her. It has been a couple years since I've messed up and hurt her. We have been working on it for a while and she has forgiven me. Now I would NEVER do it again, so we have to look at ourselves and ask, do we fit together and do we make each others days happy. And the answer is coming up no more often than not.

[talaniman]

Have you tried marriage counseling?