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confused63 · Feb 23, 2008, 02:39 AM

I ended my FWB recently and now I haven't even heard from him. How could someone be so cold towards another peron after being intimate for 3 yrs? Other people have told me that the friendship part wasn't a mutual thing on his end. That all he wanted was the sex and acted as though he was your friend. So that tells me that all he did was use me and now has moved on to the next women that won't confront him about sleeping with other women like I did. They have also told me that he will contact me when he has nothing else going for him and needs to have sex. If this is true how sad that is to go through life using people for your own selfish needs.

helpdave · Feb 23, 2008, 04:07 AM

Well confused, that's life I'm afraid. If you end something with someone, then that's what the word end really means. If this guy was after sex only and was getting it from other sources, then why would you want to continue to see him? He obviously couldn't be the man you thought he was?

Over the course of a number of relationships you find people who you can remain friends with but you will also find others where it will just end and you both move in with separate lives. It's hard to deal with, but trust me, time heals all wounds and you'll think back in six months and not care at all that you don't keep in touch. If you still choose to sleep with this guy after all this, then that may just reflect a weakness in you.

imation · Feb 23, 2008, 04:32 AM

Its possible that he is just someone you need to forget.
Ask yourself what kind of friendship you had, if it was ONLY, or MOSTLY about sex... Then I think you should forget about him because its not worth it. A lot of people do things for personal gain, I know this might seem like a narrow theory but... Everyone is living their own life, and they are going to make their own decisions and in most cases, if it comes down to them or someone else, they'd choose themselves every time.

susangpyp · Feb 23, 2008, 05:05 AM

Trying to figure someone else out is a lesson in futility. It doesn't matter WHY he did it, it matters that he did it. And you have to accept that and move on. Stay away from users and abusers. Chalk it up to experience and move on!!

talaniman · Feb 23, 2008, 07:29 AM

You got the same thing he did in this thing, and you both are free to move on with your lives. Because you had an FWB, with him, did you also expect a relationship? Hey real world, You developed other feelings, and he didn't. That's the reality of it. You ended it, heal from the loss, and move on to a better life, without him. Even if he comes back at some point, stay out of bed with him, or it will be more of the same.

susangpyp · Feb 23, 2008, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You got the same thing he did in this thing, and you both are free to move on with your lives. Because you had an FWB, with him, did you also expect a relationship? Hey real world, You developed other feelings, and he didn't. Thats the reality of it. You ended it, heal from the loss, and move on to a better life, without him. Even if he comes back at some point, stay out of bed with him, or it will be more of the same.

Right. There are no responsibilities toward another in an FWB relationship (If you want to call it that).

I don't believe there really is such a thing as a true FWB... someone usually winds up getting hurt. I think there is only friends who refuse to take responsibility for their actions toward someone else.

Synnen · Feb 23, 2008, 07:49 AM

Wait... you were FWB, not in a relationship.

Calling him on sleeping with other women in a FWB is ONLY allowable for the purpose of keeping safe. If he was telling you about these other women, and you chose to still sleep with him--guess what? That was YOUR fault.

He may not have contacted you because you aren't acting like his friend--you're acting like his girlfriend. If he had wanted you as a girlfriend, he would have taken the FWB to the next level. I don't know about you, but I don't like talking to people that are accusing and angry with me for something that I thought was okay because of previous boundaries that had been set up.

That being said--when someone breaks up with someone else, we on AMHD usually advise "no contact" with that person, so that you can heal. YOU ended the FWB. Maybe he's not contacting you so that HE can get his head on straight about the whole thing.

Either way--you can't obsess about him. Have a life, be happy, don't worry about what HE is doing and what HE is feeling--you can't do a darned thing about it anyway. All you can change is you, and all you can 'fix' is you.

I suggest you wait for him to contact you (by that I mean don't contact him) and just move forward with your life.