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whyohwhy · Feb 21, 2008, 09:42 AM

I have this problem when I meet guys (even if they have kids)... initially they see me as a potential girlfriend, long-term relationship. They want to spend a lot of time with me. Then, they find out that I have kids (and I have 3 (18, 16 and 7yrs)- which is always a shock - and kind of funny to see the looks on their faces). I get the "you don't look like you have three kids" and "you don't look old enough to have an 18 year old". I always make the joke that I was a promiscuous 12 year old. The dumb ones believe it ;).

The problem is that after they find out, in their eyes, I am transformed into the "just have fun, short-term girl".

Here's the thing:
I'm 39
Been single for over 6 years
I have a great career
I dress sexy, not slutty
I am very flirtatious
Fun
Smart
Easy going
I never make a big deal about having kids or act overwhelmed. I'm not.
Not needy at all... I have a life.

What am I doing wrong? How can I make them see that I am not looking for someone to save me? I just want a cute guy, long-term for companionship and awesome sex... hahaha. No... seriously!

xphelper · Feb 21, 2008, 10:33 AM

Unfortunately, being single with children does make it more difficult to meet Mr. Right because many men don't want to deal with that "extra baggage" (as they would refer to it). However, in a long-term relationship, it is extremely important to ensure that your partner will treat your children well.

whyohwhy · Feb 21, 2008, 02:10 PM

No... I totally agree. I would never be with someone that treated my kids badly. But, what I am saying is that I have a hard time getting to the point of even meeting my kids. If a guy were to meet my kids all of their concerns would be washed away. :confused:

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 02:19 PM

You are doing nothing wrong! You just haven't met the right guy who will respect both you and your kids. He is out there, I believe.

May I suggest looking for a single man that has kids as well? If you do find one, you will both have something in common and won't have to worry about one of you carrying around 'extra baggage.'

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 02:52 PM

Oh sorry. I see that you said that you have problems with guys even if they have kids. My bad!

whyohwhy · Feb 21, 2008, 03:03 PM

Ya... there seems to be this funny double standard thing. It's OK if they have kids... but, not me. I once had a guy that I dated ONE TIME tell me that he didn't want to be a step-father. He had one child. I told him... "who asked you...I just wanted to date you". CRAZY!

I try to date guys that have kids... I just seem to usually meet guys that don't have any. Then I have friends that only meet guys that have kids... we joked that we should switch.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 03:13 PM

Make that joke become reality then! I know I would if I was ever in your situation, which I sort of am but not. I am in a relationship (for 2 yrs!) with a guy that has a kid and I have none. I have been coping with it quit well so I don't think every guy has that sort of problem.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 03:15 PM

So this guy that you dated had a child already, which makes him a father, and told you that he didn't want to be a stepfather? That makes nooo sense what so ever, unless he thinks weirdly.

whyohwhy · Feb 21, 2008, 03:27 PM

Exactly! I have gotten all kinds of reactions. One guy kept asking me if I was SURE that I had 3 kids. I told him... 3 that I know of.

My friends don't date the same type of guys that I would be interested in or that would be a good idea.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Feb 21, 2008, 03:28 PM

Give 'em a try. You never know what you 'might' like unless you try it. Are you not attracted to your friend's guy friends because they are not attractive?

whyohwhy · Feb 21, 2008, 03:35 PM

Ya... they aren't so great looking... hahaha.

I'm actually interested in my daughter's best friends dad right now. He is cute, same line of work, divorced the same amount of time as me, close to my age and his ex-wife just remarried a few months ago. Sounds perfect huh! I can tell that he is interested and seems really nervous around me... BUT, he hasn't asked me out. Maybe hesitant like me about starting something when we have daughters that are friends... what if it doesn't work out?

Right now... we do each other favors... picking kids up etc. We talk for a while... getting to know each other kind of conversation. He had dinner with me and my kids one time.

Honestly... I'm kind of liking the pace. I want to see if I like him enough too.

shygrneyzs · Feb 21, 2008, 03:39 PM

Yes, I can relate to this. But not all guys are the same. Try dating a guy when you have a child with multiple special needs. They run like their pants are on fire.

whyohwhy · Feb 22, 2008, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Yes, I can relate to this. But not all guys are the same. Try dating a guy when you have a child with multiple special needs. They run like their pants are on fire.

OH DANG! Ya... I can imagine.

It is actually getting a little easier now to date. When I first got divorced, my kids were 13 months, 9 years and 12 years old. Oh... and I have 80% but, more like 90% custody. Now that one is 16 and another almost 19, I only have one little one left that is 7. It's almost like she's an only child... but not.