[italianhoneymoon]

My husband of 3 years has periodic episodes of binge drinking - maybe 5-6 times per year. He drinks and drinks and just doesn't stop. It's typically beer or wine. Usually with family or certain friends. This last year he has embarrassed me in front of my band, my friends and just last week, my work clients.

I was so upset and told him he needed help. He said he scares himself sometimes too. He said he's OK when he has one or two - and usually when he's just with me, he stops at 2. That's all he said. 5 days later I asked if he had a plan and he said he's going to "take care of himself for awhile". He said I make him anxious and that leads to his binge drinking.

I don't know what to do. Is this really a problem? Is it okay if he can restrict himself to 2 drinks? His whole family drinks a lot so they don't ever notice. Can I really be causing this? He is also on anti-anxiety meds and sleeping meds. That can't be good to mix with that much alcohol.

Would an al-anon meeting be a good idea for me?

[Wondergirl]

He said I make him anxious and that leads to his binge drinking.

Typical alcoholic -- blames someone else for his drinking. Yes, go to Al-Anon so you can learn how to deal with his avoidance of responsibility for his drinking, his blaming you, and how to act when he drinks.

I married into a family of alcoholics. You have my prayers.

[jack dandy]

Don't blame yourself its not your responsibility to stop his drinking. More than a couple of drinks especially bing drinking can lead to problems, believe me I know I used to be what I called a weekend warrior with drinking than it lead to more until it was out of control. I am happy to say I have 21 years in the A.A. program and life is great!I quit drinking before I was married and am glad I did,I've been married almost 20 years now, I've never looked back and don't miss it(alcohol).

[lovelesspa]

Please, I hate to say this.. but move one,. this is what they all say,. unfortunately, most of the time... they can't keep their promisies, and then law enforcement, just don't care, ( "your just the wife,") and a protective order is only as good as the paper. (The police "couldn't" or wouldn't protect me) And to this day I won't trust most of them..,. Men or police... oo And a million years later, with 4 kids, and no child support, I did it on my own, just wish I hadn't wasted so much time with someone that didn't deserve it! Trust me, there's a lot of good guys waiting for you! I learned you deserve better and you have to work to get it,, keep trying and depend only on yourself!!

[italianhoneymoon]

Thanks all - I'll find an al-anon meeting and start there.

[s_cianci]

I'd definitely seek out Al-Anon and other support resources. Binge drinking is harmful, especially with the other meds he's on. He may have a chemical imbalance which may be contributing to his binge drinking, as a form of self-medication, so maybe his medications and/or dosages need to be re-evaluated and adjusted.

[Choux]

Get out of this marriage while you are young and have your looks.

It is all downhill from here. Don't waste your life on an alcoholic. You will only get warped.


My father and two brothers were alcoholics... I have first hand experience with the misery they caused their wives and others.


Best wishes,

[talaniman]

thanks all - I'll find an al-anon meeting and start there.

Great place to start, you will learn much, and you will find you are not alone, nor responsible for his behavior. Unless you allow it.

[twinkiedooter]

Go to some real AA meetings yourself and hear the other alcoholic's stories. AlAnon is okay also but for the real in your face stories you need to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak. AA will show you what these people have come to grips with. AlAnon will just tell you basically not to make any major decisions about your situation for a year. I went to both kinds of meetings as my husband could drink yours under the table any day of the week ending in Y. You decide for yourself what life will be for YOU.

[songbird08]

I know how you feel my husband will not answer his cell phone when he is on one of his binges,he will disappear for several hours.The last one happened a couple of weeks ago and he was so drunk that he could barely walk,I don't know how he drove home.He walked in the house in front of my 14 year old son.I was so angry this has happened a lot in the years we have been together.now he hasn't drank since but all it takes is one time for something bad to happen.Right now I'm trying to go on.He always says he will not drink anymore but it always happens again.any comments?

[newlywed83]

I've found that therapy (both individual and couples) helps. My therapist recommended a great book, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie- explains a lot about both sides of my relationship, at least.

[Quadqueeen]

OMG! Just read all of the comments that say get out and move on, but how do you just let the love go you have for someone? Can someone please give me that answer!!

[talaniman]

Did you miss the part about them getting the proper help for their problem? If they don't, then get away from them, or they both go down, was the jist of the advice.