[plaidlady]

So my child is 4 months old. Her father is not on the birth certificate because he didn't think it was important to carry an id with him since he had the number memorized in his head or he would have signed the be c if they would have let him without one at the hospital. I have been with him for 3 years off and on. He is an alcoholic and I may drink once or twice a week but that is it. He drinks every day and has since he was like 13. When he drinks liquor those are the times he gets violent with me and after it is all said and done and I leave he waits a little while and plays the "what happened?" role because he BLACKS OUT when he drinks liquor which was his excuse on halloween this year when he came an inch away from curbing my face into the sidewalk and I probably would have died or went to the hospital. I think he got the black out thing from when he mentioned seeing it on the court TV shows about crime investigators and people saying they blacked out and had no idea they killed someone. This halloween episode started with me trying to wake him up because his kid was crying in his room and trying to get him to stop passing out and be an actrive father and what happens? He kicks me in the stomach and then the kid gets in his bed and he kicks me again right in front of the kid and starts grabbing my hair and slamming my face in the carpet and kicking me and I am begging him to stop and crying and his kid just sits there and gets front row seats.. now if we argue in the living room and it has been about an hour or so since his kid goes to sleep at 11 because his bed time is at 930 but he always wants something to eat all night long and of course he allows it.. he comes out and sits on the couch and my baby daddy doesn't say get in the bed.. I am the only one that says it! He always tries to fight with me in front of his kid and I am worried the child will treat women the same way his dad does.. his kid won't even let his baby sister touch him and it is unreal to me, He won't even say good night to his little sister which I can understand kids get jealous but I do not show more attention then the other the baby just needs me more because I was breast feeding and she is not use to her dad.. which He has spit in my face before. He has head butted me in the nose intentionally. He gets into arguments with me in front of his 4 year old and when I tell him to drop it and leave me alone he just follows me and keeps making me feel bad for something that is just ridiculous. He is very liberal with his child and lets his kid do anything he wants. I believe in rules and structure. His kid has gotten so bad about listening to anyone that nobody wants to go over there anymore. Her father has never paid taxes and he is 30 this year and a subcontractor and lays floors. What could happen if the IRS found out where he lived? He keeps saying he wants a family with me and he wants me to live in his house but he lives with cockroaches and his house is a small two bedroom with no room for anything but him and his kid. I really don't know if I want him to be a part of her life because he has been this way with me in the past and always blames it on liquor. Here lately he has been saying that I have mental problems and need to see a doctor about getting some pills when I keep telling him my problem is him. If I go over there to let him see her I always end up leaving because I am avoiding confrontation and I can't believe some of the things he says or does and I just can't stand it anymore I am fed up and I take my baby and I leave. I have never seen a man be so emotionless to a baby. He is a single parent as well but he has done this before. When he feeds her he just lays her on his lap he never holds her and cuddles her. I have asked him twenty times to leave me alone and go away and also told him I am not in love with him anymore. He never tries to make me feel better about anything and anything he does say once in a blue moon are sweet nothings because he is a 100 percent jabroni. He makes fun of me because I live at home with my parents but they are just helping me until I get a place. I always end up driving over there and wasting my gas he has never given me gas money and so far he has gotten maybe 3 bags of diapers and some gas drops that is it I am the one who is stuck with 2,000 in doctor bills and paying my mom for day care.. I don't know if I should get child support. He won't even come to my parents house to see the baby because he says my parents hate him. They only hate him because he won't step up to the plate and they are sick of how he treats me.I think the reason I stayed with him for so long and dealt with it is because he womanized me to the point where I didn't think it was a problem because he always had a way of turning everything around to where I would feel like it was my fault. I even told him before I had the baby that I would not come over until he got anger management classes and went to aa like he always said he wanted to. Of course he never did and I didn't want to keep her from her father but now I am thinking it is probably best. I thought having a child with him would make us all a family and he would be a good man and take care of me or just get a better job and it would all work out but I was wrong he did not grow up and I did so now I want to move on but I really don't know how. Would I be wrong if I did not answer his texts anymore? I mean I know he won't call me because he hates talking on the phone because he is not a girl he says.. my mom has said we are just a bad match and we need to accept it and move on. Advice please?

[justcurious55]

Leave! Stay far, far away from this awful man! If he becomes violent or threatening, call the police immediaely and get a restraining order. Do not fall for his lines. You and your daughter do not deserve his abuse. And even if he isn't physically abusing her right now, guess what, in a few more years, when he's drunk and done beating you, you know who he'smost likely to turn to next? Her. Guess how I know, that's what my father did. And his brothers with their wives and daughters. Guess where they learned it, their father. And my mother learned to stay and allow herself to be victimized because that's what her mother did. You do not want to set that example for your daughter. There may not be anything you can do for his son at this point but at least you can get yourself and your daughter out of this mess. And there's nothing wrong with living with your parents if you're trying to get on your own two feet. So no more driving out there. And no more texts.

[Greg Quinn]

Google " SOCIOPATH"
This guy is sick, he has clearly brought you down from a place where you must have been better off. So why hold on? I'm not about taking a child from their daddy either... But, he is violent and unpredictable. You would be making a very big mistake to allow him near you or your daughter during a time like this. He needs to get help, prove that he is getting help. And you need to start dealing with healing yourself. You can't get better if you are playing his text mind games. You were not a bad match, you were patient hopeful and probably pretty kind, he missed out on that. Unfortunately he will likely be like this for a long time and from what I've read so far he should NEVER EVER be alone with a child. I like that you are able to write down how he could twist things and how he was abusing you, it shows intelligence and strength. There are certain things you may have to do, you may have to file a protection order against him. I'm not sure, you have family there that seem to have a lot of love for you and I hope you can sit down and chat with them about the options and routes you may have to go through. If he truly loves his baby, he will do anything to earn back the trust that you have lost in him. Look into this and see if the profile is familiar SOCIOPATH"

[plumberman]

You have a kid to think about as well as your own safety... stay away from this head and protect your child!

[jolienoire]

Okay, I only read a few paragraphs, and there is no need for me to read anymore, He is the one who needs help, and the safest thing for your daugther and you is staying away. He is manipulative, abusive, and controlling. Instead of him making excuses for abusing you, mentally, emotionally, and phsically he should be trying to seek help. Obviously he knows he has a problem, if he makes a statement that it's the liquor. TOtally unacceptable, don't allow him to make you out to be the problem. You will if you stay with him. He is not a real man, in fact a coward who is taking his frustrations out on you. DO NOT LOOK BACK leave him, You are much better off without him. No matter how many children, you have or get married, unfortanetly those don't solve the problem, the person has to want help, and see that they need help and take actions to make sure they get help. The first step is acknowledging and accepting you have a problem.. He hasn't done either he make excuses for them and blames you.. Honey please leave this man alone listen to your mother... Take care of your daughter... You can do it, trust me.. I have been in your shoes with 2 children... I never went back...

[talaniman]

You don't need him in your life, so end of conversation.

[plaidlady]

Wow thanks so much for the good advice! (hugs for everyone)

[plaidlady]

Google " SOCIOPATH"
This guy is sick, he has clearly brought you down from a place where you must have been better off. So why hold on? I'm not about taking a child from their daddy either... But, he is violent and unpredictable. You would be making a very big mistake to allow him near you or your daughter during a time like this. He needs to get help, prove that he is getting help. And you need to start dealing with healing yourself. You can't get better if you are playing his text mind games. You were not a bad match, you were patient hopeful and probably pretty kind, he missed out on that. Unfortunately he will likely be like this for a long time and from what I've read so far he should NEVER EVER be alone with a child. I like that you are able to write down how he could twist things and how he was abusing you, it shows intelligence and strength. There are certain things you may have to do, you may have to file a protection order against him. I'm not sure, you have family there that seem to have a lot of love for you and I hope you can sit down and chat with them about the options and routes you may have to go through. If he truly loves his baby, he will do anything to earn back the trust that you have lost in him. Look into this and see if the profile is familiar SOCIOPATH"

Hey thanks a lot for this answer you gave me advice on this jerk when I was 6 months pregnant too! Haha I have not been on this site since then (hugs)