[Woe_Be_Me]

Hello - I am a newbie here so appreciate your help from the git-go. I really appreciate answers and input from people who are familiar with or have experienced bi-polar episodes.

I have been married to the same old guy for over 30 years and dealt with years of the mood swings and emotional imbalances. It has gotten increasingly tougher for me to deal with lately. This week is his angry mode and nothing I do pleases him and he is critical and verbally abusive. I have about had enough.

Don't ask why I spent 30 years with him - I can answer that I have a codependent nature and just hung in there because I finally realized many moons ago that he had this disorder and it was a health condition, not necessarily that he was a mean person. In his up moods, he can be the sweetest person in the world and we have a wonderful relationship. It is just the down times and angry times that are wearing me thin and are becoming more frequent.

We are retired - I have considered so many times packing my bag and leaving but I will lose so much if I do. He is not the type to leave on his own, he is very dependent on me, my fault of course.

If you don't know much about bi-polar disorder, you will probably tell me to leave "the jerk" - he is not a jerk, just has some major mental issues that are finally wearing me down. He won't go to counseling or take medication - he admits he has problems but says he will work them out himself. Any suggestions for me, not for him - he is where he is and will stay. I am optimistic and hopeful. Thanks
Woe

[hatch]

I don't know a lot about bi-polar episodes. But love can span any distance! Are you a believer in christ?

[Choux]

I remember reading a study that women who divorce and live alone after age 50 or so are happier than married women in any age group. :)

You can't leave your huge financial investment; that is out.

Immediately, is there some way to get him out of the house for large periods... consult a minister for help in getting him stuff to do. Volunteering volunteering volunteering... doing easy stuff that will make him feel good. Hospital volunteer would be great, deliver meals on wheels, all kinds of stuff.

Because you are so desperate, you have to find something out of the house to do that will bring you happiness. :)

If you decide you want to go ahead without your husband, make budgets on how much money you need to make a go of it, and go to a lawyer. File for divorce.

Best wishes to you in 2008,

[KBC]

I am bi-polar.

Leaving him would be the worst thing for him.

Furthermore, with the time and effort you have invested in the marriage,leaving with the idea of it being just because of the mental disability of bi-polar is outrageous.

I am upset with the previous post stating there is greener grass on the other side of the fence beyond 50 years or so, BS! Just because they are alone doesn't mean you'll be happy.

If he won't get help, you can.

There are many support groups out there to aid the suffering spouse of someone in your shoes,a way to address the problems as you see them and help cope with him in his abusive moods.

By the way, I left my wife of 10 years because I believed I had all the answers to why I was so moody,and I regret it sometimes,but to hear someone else going through what you are going through,and at this time of life(not 30 years old anymore!)and to hear your dedication to keep the marriage alive,try the NIMH site(National Institute of Mental Health)and some of these sites as well.

Bipolar Happens - Bipolar Disorder

How to Recognize, Cope and Deal with Your Loved One's Bipolar Disorder

Discover the Comprehensive, Proven System That’s Helped My Mom and Thousands of Other People with Bipolar Disorder Rebuild a “Normal” Life

Bipolar Disorder - Manic Depressive Illness from Diagnosis to Medications

I have introduced my family and friends to these sites and they have found a lot of information necessary to deal with the moods/actions I have been going through in my past.

I truly hope this helps you and will like to post more later.

KEN

[Woe_Be_Me]

Thanks everyone for responding, I appreciate your thoughts. Ken - I probably won't ever leave the old fart, too many footprints in the sand for both of us, and he would be lost without me and my codependent nature - I appreciate the references you gave me in your post and I will defintely check them out. Maybe you can give me some insight from your point of view - PM me if you want, I would love to share. Bless all of you for taking the time to answer!
Woe